[Singularis]

I've been diagnosed with ptsd and schizaffective disorder for about a year and a half now, but I've been off ativan and all other meds for around 8 months because I had it in my head I was fine. And lately I'm definately realizing I'm not and haven't been this whole time, which is embarrising and scary. If the auditroy hallucinations weren't bad enough the ptsd has gotten worse... I think..

So basically:

I've been having flashbacks a lot of memories from the past that aren't traumatic, from very general triggers (commercials, music, smells) I get really anxious, scared, and freeze up and feel like I'm there all over again and find myself saying whatever I was thinking or saying at that exact moment. Just as if it were traumatic like other flashbacks. People have been noticing and its getting harder to make up excuses about what I was saying. I'm not sure if this is common.

Has anyone else had full fledged flashbacks of non-traumatic moments?

[Open Eyes]

(((((Singularis))))))

I am sorry to hear that your struggling. I dont know about the other disorder your discribing here but I do have PTSD and the symptoms for me have gotten worse which I have not been able to understand myself. I did have flashbacks and I have been able to, so far, go without having one in a long time except I did have one in the doctors office which was embarrassing and I didn't even mention it. I do have memories coming forward and I am basically seeing how certain things in my past fit together in a stressful way and how it effected me in ways I hadn't realized.

I know it is hard to understand PTSD and even believe that it can be so bad and complicated. Learning about it is really important, I found a nice site where I did learn more about it and there is nice videos explaining it, www.giftfromwithin.org
It is really important that you find a good therapist to help you work on it and find ways to learn about it and how to deal with it.

I would not be surprised if nontramatic memories or flashbacks come forward. Our brains store infomation for different reasons, try not to be afraid of your memories. Write them down and think about them and see if they mean anything, much of what comes forward are things that were somehow unresolved so the brain couldn't file them properly.

Open Eyes

[Singularis]

Thanks open eyes.. that's a nice site. I'm going to go to the doctor today and finally attemp to get myself back into therapy at least so I can have somone there to talk to about these issues.. unfornately my family isn't good enough to talk to about these issues due to a lack of understanding of what's going on or even listen for that matter. Thank you for reading and understanding it really means a lot to me. :-)

-Singularis

[Open Eyes]

Your welcome, yes, it is very hard to have family members understand how difficult PTSD is and that we cant just snap out of it or get over it, if only it was that easy. I hope you watched those video's of Dr Oshburg explaining PTSD, oh it really helped me to understand it more myself. It is so hard to understand this diorder or whatever it is, damage, injury to the brain? I don't know, all I know is that it is so hard to understand, pretty scary and even embarrassing at times. I hear you, it sure is nice to know your not alone isn't it?

I don't know if you are close at all with family but I had my husband visit my therapist and my husband now understands that I truely struggle and all of my complaints up to this point are all symptoms of PTSD. And when I visited that site I could see how my own PTSD symptoms progressed and I really wish it was better explained to me when it started.

I hope your therapist helps you, you may even give your new therapist the address for www.giftfromwithin.org so your therapist can watch it if he/she hasn't as they are learning more and more about it all the time and not all therapists keep up to speed with the new knowledge and theraputic techniques for helping patients with this issue.

Open Eyes

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Singularis

I've been diagnosed with ptsd and schizaffective disorder for about a year and a half now, but I've been off ativan and all other meds for around 8 months because I had it in my head I was fine. And lately I'm definately realizing I'm not and haven't been this whole time, which is embarrising and scary. If the auditroy hallucinations weren't bad enough the ptsd has gotten worse... I think..

So basically:

I've been having flashbacks a lot of memories from the past that aren't traumatic, from very general triggers (commercials, music, smells) I get really anxious, scared, and freeze up and feel like I'm there all over again and find myself saying whatever I was thinking or saying at that exact moment. Just as if it were traumatic like other flashbacks. People have been noticing and its getting harder to make up excuses about what I was saying. I'm not sure if this is common.

Has anyone else had full fledged flashbacks of non-traumatic moments?

actually around here where I live and work the mental health community believes its completely normal to have memories / flashes of memories / picture like or sensory memories.

I have loads of non traumatic flashes of memories. just this morning I was pouring my morning coffee and the image of my mother sitting at the breakfast table drinking her morning coffee came to mind. driving to work this morning my wife was talking to me and something she said about the river we were passing reminded me of our standing at the rail looking at the niagra falls during our vacation. this weekend while walking with my full grown dog he started doing this excited sidewards walk that reminded me of how he used to friskily bob all over the place when he played.

every body has flashes of non traumatic memories though for those who have only had memories of trauma it can be confusing and scary to be normal again. I remember the first time I had a good memory flash /image in my head about a family member who had abused me. I ran to the phone and called my therapist and psychiatrist worried that my meds may not be working. they both calmed me down and took the time to explain to me that its normal to remember the good times and its normal to have flashes of memories about the good times.

ever since then every day I am remembering more and more of the good times that were had during my childhood instead of focusing / flashing on the bad, and its no longer scarey for me to remember the good times. someday you too will be ok with remembering the good times. Until that day comes just take it one day at a time and remember to breath, and keep in contact with your treatment providers, they can help you through this scary time of breaking through to the good times.

[Singularis]

I will definately share the website, I just finished watching some videos and learned a lot. In one he explains that there is a change in the brain that occurs from ptsd, not necessarily brain damage, but definately a change. I'm gonna eventually try to bring a family member in or at least have them watch some of the videos so they can better understand the illness.. thank you so much for your support! It does actually feel good to know I'm not alone.

-Singularis

[Open Eyes]

Your welcome, and YES, such a good idea to have a family member watch the video's because it would help you tremendously if they understood more about it, people don't really want to be mean, understanding how another suffers and that it is real can make a big difference.

Open Eyes

[likewater]

I have memories/ flashbacks like a movie or filmstrip and some are just neutral, some are happy and precious and some are super scary.

[Singularis]

Originally Posted by likewater

I have memories/ flashbacks like a movie or filmstrip and some are just neutral, some are happy and precious and some are super scary.

That's exactly what I'm talking about, it's so strange. I thought ptsd was only traumatic flashbacks.. I don't understand why it seems as if my memories haunt me, even the good ones..

-Singularis

[likewater]

Singularis- yes!! Me too..

[Singularis]

I wonder if there's a name for these type of experiences or if its just "ptsd"...

Random venting coming in3, 2, 1-

ugh I don't even want to be up right now but I just had a badd moment.. my family still fails to realize that I have ptsd and other mental illnesses & that barging into my room when I'm knocked out to ask me a measly question can trigger a flashback.. I feel like I'm alwayss on the edge at "home"

-the stupid question was "did you leave a spot on the mirror in the bathroom" and ofcourse I didn't :-\

Sorry for the irrelevence.. I had to let some steam off and this is the only place I can actually do that without looking like a complete idiot.

-Singularis