[greenfairy]

so financial probs are nothing new. my parents are telling me yes, they'll help and set my life straight but they want me to move back home with my kids. i'd rather drink drano (is it okay to say that here?) i've been on the verge of breaking down for a while now and i think this is the final straw. i can not be in that house. i can not be around those people. i am not coping with this well and the stupid moron shrink thinks hey, just take some more meds and all is gravy, right? wrong. i cant cope with this &^%$ and i need it to just stop. i want to put myself away just to escape. i've been trying to escape since i was seventeen. . . finished high school early and moved into a strangers run down apartment in the boonies just to get away and now theyre telling me i have no choice but to go home? i would rather starve and beg on the streets than be in that house. and its not fair because i have my kids to worry about but i cant have them there. i cant risk them going through what i went through. i want my husband to take them to his parents house. my parents "demand" i be there this sunday and i've been on the verge of falling apart all darn day. i think i'm going crazy. i'm seriously losing it.

[(JD)]

Sounds like some tough decisions you need to make. Obviously you do feel the need to escape, but it sounds like you're saying that all those escapes you've been making haven't worked for you yet. Please try and impress upon your pdoc how you are feeling about all this... maybe he'll have a better suggestion for you. TC it isn't the end of the world, it just feels like it

[pegasus]

greenfairy,

Sounds like you are really worried that you might have to move back in with your parents.
Do you think that they have made things worse for you?

I don't know your personal circumstances, but if you feel that "living with your parents" is not good for you or your child- then don't.

There must be other places to live- a womens refuge, some sort of emergency housing?

It may be a good idea to contact your pdoc or therapist about this.

Thinking of you.

[wisewoman]

Greenfairy, I hope you can find some other options then moving into an abusive situation with new children to abuse. Don't you think it's a little weird that they are trying to get you and the kids back there? I don't know what your options are but I know you are good at finding resources. Good luck.

[greenfairy]

last night was thoroughly insane. first the arguing over the bills stacked on the dresser and then a trip to the local bar which was rather a disaster and then i'm home sleeping off a whopper when the cops show up in the middle of the night with my husband in tow because hes been driving with a suspended license (something he never mentioned to me and denies having any knowledge of) and they say hes lucky theyre not arresting him but the cars out on the road miles away and i cant exactly walk to get it cause of the kids and hubby had to call a cab to work at 3 am. and i wasnt sure whether to laugh or cry. whats that saying? the mills of the gods grind slowly but they grind to a pulp? you aint kidding. this morning i was on the phone with an old friend and instead of sympathy she gave me a right good slap, told me to get off my *** and use my god given abilities and dig myself out of this muddy hole i've been wallowing in. and first i cried and called her an insensitive cow and then it occured to me. . . all the crying has gotten me nowhere. nor has the begging, the bargaining, the promising. i'm on my own here and maybe its time to get up on my wobbly feet and take care of things my way. the way i know how. no parents to panic me into a useless ball, no husband to shake his head at the inevitability of failure. just me.
thank you for the support. i dont know what i would do without this place and all the people who listen without judging and make me feel less alone in the world.
so my little manifesto seems thoroughly inspiring at the moment. hopefully i wont fall on my face.

[wisewoman]

I had another thought, imagine that! I learned a long time ago from people who loved me that accepting goods, money etc from people we despise is not bad. We do what we need to do to survive. If you have to go to the parental home do not ever leave the kids with family members. You can be polite and make up stuff. If you need their help right now why the heck not? It doesn't pay you back from the abuse etc but you can use them as you were used and it doesn't make you bad. I hope this makes sense. Peace to you.