Im sick of people telling me to get over it , its was four years ago .

alot of people say time heals the wound but no one ever say how many times it took time to heal the wound, so let people talk whatever they want they just dont get it well until it happens to them of course not i hope it happens to them...

Hi Woman_Healing, in my case I grew up in a very disfuncitonal environment and I was molested by my brother starting when i was just a toddler, 1 or 2 years old. I also had to contend with an older sister who took interest in my body as well but also needed to be in control of me and my brother. To be honest she disliked both me and my brother, wanted to be an only child, probably in many ways still does unknowingly. There was something wrong with my brother and at that time nothing was known about the learning disabilities and Autism like today. And my brother was quiet a handful, he was considered a child that had to be addressed with a lot of dicipline ( lots of spanking and punishing constantly) and that treatment made him worse. He took out his anger on me so I had to learn to run and hide a lot I really never knew safety when I was a child. I had developed many unusual coping methods that I still use today.

I was with him on the school bus as well where the other children bullied him constantly, so school for me was hard, frankly I was too exhausted to settle down and pay attention and learn. What I didn't know is that even though I adapted to that, even tried to make peace with it later on, my brain had held onto all the extreme emotional issues that I had for many years. I have been reliving that now through my PTSD. It has been very hard for me to actually come to terms with how much my brain walled off so that I could survive.

For me what presented this condition was from suffering a lot of loss from a neighbors dog that damaged many of my horses/ponies that were my life. I had a lot of damage to address, was in hypervigilance during a long period while it was like a hospital on my farm. I eventually crashed from exhaustion. And then I went into shock and this PTSD began to develope. I have been engaged in a lawsuit where I am, now for 5 years (the opposing side draws it out purposely) asked to keep remembering and remembering all the details of something my brain now only wants to forget. This brought forward things I had somehow walled off from my youth, as then too I was stuck dealing with something bad constantly.

Each person is different in what they have endured that can present PTSD.
Usually it comes from a trama or even several tramas where someone's sense of safety and well being was profoundly effected. Often during a trama the brain goes into hypervigilance and walls off the emotions so that the person can focus on sheer survival. There can be quiet a lull, even years where someone manages to keep these extreme emotions walled off. Then something can happen to trigger that wall to be opened up and allowing the memories and emotional duress to come forward. It is always very hard to understand and takes a long time to work through. During this process there is a lot of anxiety and confusion that takes place.

The person suffering from PTSD MUST have a safe environment and the right kind of support so they can slowly process whatever comes forward that had been walled off in the brain. It is an exhausting process and demands a lot of patience and time to work through. And one very important component to recovery is constant VALIDATION. "Yes, you were hurt, you were frightened and extremely effected by the trama or tramas you experienced". Recovery comes in stages, first expressing or discussing the things that come forward many times with constant validation, then the second stage is grieving which can be also a continuation of the first stage. Finally the last stage is coming to a point where one finally takes on NEW ways of learning how to once again THRIVE. Each person is different depending on what they are addressing from their past and present living environment. It is also important that people who suffer are removed from toxic people or environments to present them with a sense of safety and calm.

Unfortunately often people who struggle with PTSD are very misunderstood and treated poorly for something they truely cannot help. Many if not most of those that suffer are alone in many ways and can even be invalidated as I mentioned. I myself have experienced this in many unfortunate ways where my family and even friends acused me of being weak or even allowing myself to LUXURIATE in a poor me conditon and accused me of being selfish and I was told to GROW UP AND SNAP OUT OF IT. This is NOT something that someone who is suffering from PTSD can do. Someone who is suffering from PTSD MUST have all the support and understanding they can get to be able to slowly work through this very crippling condition.

Many vets go through un-necessary bullying and mistreatment when they present with PTSD. They often even shy away from seeking help in fears that they will become recognized as someone weak and incompetant who can not be a productive part of society.

Personally, because I am very aware of how really difficult and even painful this disorder is, I do my best to reach out to others whom I know are trying so hard to continue to work and thrive as best as they can. Often it is made even more difficult because they are often invalidated and struggle with their own sense of worthiness and personal strength to continue on somehow. The lack of understanding and general knowlege about this very difficult disorder amongst society in general makes it very hard for those who suffer to gain the validation and support they really need to finally work through this disorder to a point where they can once again THRIVE. There are some very brave souls out in this world that struggle in silence.

Open Eyes

Hi OpenEyes. Thanks for explaining all that. I have the very same issues and have experienced major longterm trauma.
What I have found is that no human being will ever be able to validate me enough. I had to go through the Big Book of AA (non-alcoholics are doing it now too) and find a Higher Power Who could validate me. I learned spiritual principles and when I live by them I feel even more validated by God.
The mind has to empty itself of its trauma onto paper in an effective way where a solution is incorporated. It's like a major CBT process but in order for it to work a spiritual component really has to be added.
The mind can only look at one thing at a time too, so it was a lot of work.
In our area of the world we incredibly fortunate to have meetings in Alanon where sponsors guide people through that work. If you want more info, pls let me know.
Nothing else worked for me and I continued to stay stuck and blame others, when really there was a solution at my disposal. i just had to overcome my prejudice and give myself a chance.
The unfortunate aspect of humanism is that we have to be in so much pain to get the Willingness to give a 12-step program of recovery a chance. By the way, there are many types of meetings for Adult Children, alcoholics, addicts, etc, but these specific meetings I'm talking about are way in a league of their own, and sitting in those rooms gave me the Hope I needed - at last.
The mind cannot solve the problems it created (meaning the way I internalized my trauma.)
God bless.

Hmm, very interesting Woman Healing, I didn't get that from the Alanon meetings I went to. But this was a while ago, I had not mentioned that in my marriage my husband was a binge alcoholic and I had to learn all about that. Basically for me the Alanon meetings consisted of either discussing parents with teen addicts/alcoholics and reading a small read prayer type book. There were really no women who stayed with their husbands like I was trying to do, except for one that was also an alcoholic.
My husband did get a lot from his AA program though, and he still goes every week.

Are you a recovering alcoholic by chance? Just wondering, I never turned to alcohol really but I know some victims do.

Open Eyes

Yes, people like us are attracted to certain types of people. I am a recovering alcoholic who strongly identifies with the adult child and codependency stuff. Basically I have everything.

12-step fellowship in recent decades fell away from the program of action and became like "talk therapy". People did something "like" the steps but it was very watered down so many people stayed sick. The specific meetings I'm talking about are in Alanon and AA and are bringing the actual program of recovery back. The good news is there is some action people can take about their situations.

Yeah my moms boyfriend did something like that when I told him to be more careful about slamming cupboards while he was doing something in the kitchen because it was making me anxious...he tried to imply something simular and I proceeded to kinda freak out on him because that really upset me...and I think that is about when I went from being over all cool with my moms boyfriend(even if he wasn't my favorite person) to really disliking the man but still having to tolerate him at times.

(((Hellion))) your mom's bfriend is a dud with a capital D. Yuck.

Yeah...he is for sure, unfortunatly he lives there...hence part of the reason I'm not usually home. I mean uhh I feel bad depending on whoever will have me over for the night because I can't stand it over there, but I don't feel like I have much choice.

If just getting over it was that easy, I am sick of hearing people telling me this too, If they had cancer (god forbid) Should we tell them to get over it too?

Love that quote! :<)

Did you ever think of asking him with respect and kindness? it is difficult to see how we set the ball rolling. You could always apologize to him (without groveling!) for your part in it. If he continues to be unkind you could, yes, tolerate him and measure your time around him.

Apologize to him? for what....it's not like I chose to freak out on him, he set me off and that's what happened. Besides he never apologizes, and he's a kinda nasty person in general. But yeah I prefer not to be around him at all why should I be around someone who's unhealthy for my mental health?

But yeah just like everyone else at the time he tried to say I shouldn't have been effected the way I was so he can keep his ignorance. As that attitude from people is part of why I tried so hard to just ignore it and move on.

Uh, not that it is any of my business, but why on earth would your mom want to date a nasty person?

I don't really know...maybe she just doesn't realise it, she kicked him out a couple times but that didn't last.

Mine was over 30 years ago and I still get that reply. No people don't understand. "Suck it up and move on" that's what I always hear. I hear it from people I would never expect. I try to move forward in my healing journey the best I can, whether people understand or not.

Mogie, people are apparently idiots. (((Mogie))) (((Hellion))) , may you never catch a**hole- poisoning from mom's bfriend. I agree you should limit your exposure to him because ickiness probably comes off of him in waves like radiation.

my inlaws caused my ptsd with their emotionail abusive ways , and have no understanding they are the cause of it . I feel people say this type of talk of get over it ect to cover up their guilt for causeing it .

hi lynno9 , you have great insight into emotional abuse , and it can be the hardest abuse to get over , your family sounds so simular to my x husbands family .. I feel for the pain you have had to endure.. take care

Sad to admit I've been there too, not with family members but with DOCTORS. Painfully, I had to share some of that horrible experience with some other doctors like my gynecologist and neurologist and they both were pretty less than understanding. I think the only ones that understand how serious PTSD may be are psychiatrist and psychologists, and not most of them - i was rejected by few shrinks before finding the one I've got now.

AMEN to that. Seriously.

it was emotional abuse in a marraige relationship.

OK, then a 12-step program of recovery can help you discover why you are attracted to this kind of person. Somewhere deep down inside of us we know who we're choosing. We do it to ourselves. Until it gets worked out and you get tools for it, it will keep repeating and you will keep putting yourself in pain, or having no relationships at all and be bitter and alone, one of those "man-haters". This has to be worked out inside of you and 12-step recovery gives you your own work to do which is pretty hopeful.

I would try Alanon, even if he is not a drinker.

Do either of you ever drink? Especially when things get tough, like for "relief"?

There is nothing worse and more cruel saying to someone with ptsd get over it , whatever tramatic event that is .people dont relise its a medical condition . And its not something you can snap your fingers and not be bothered by what has happen to you .

validating someone staying stuck in pain is not a real friend. That's saving people. We want to get them into a solution, but of course we have to have one to offer ourselves.

Listen. Many people can tell me I'm "right" to feel angry. I no longer go to those people. I go to people who can tell me the truth and what my part is. Like allowing those sick people to determine my worth and etvc.

I am not quite sure I follow you, I mean throughout my life I have always had my feelings and pain dis-validated by people. So I personally tend to prefer people who don't make me feel ashamed to feel how I feel, or ashamed of not being able to get over my pain. It is not my choice to feel how I feel or to be stuck in pain. why would anyone choose to feel on edge all the time or choose to be in pain?

I feel like when someone is in pain dis-validating them is probably the worst thing one can do...and in my understanding that would be the opposite of validating someone.

It is your choice to be stuck in pain or not. If you really want to get out of that dark place, many people in 12-step recovery can help you.

Shame is of no use, we don't blame anyone or ourselves. We simply look at the truth, find a Higher Power who helps us love and validate ourselves. How many people have "validated" your anger and it's still not good enough? We have to do our own work to really really know our truth. Everything has to be worked through and people who can only offer you, "You're right! They suck!" cannot help you heal. They don't have a Solution to offer you.

Either we can be victims of the world or we can heal. My sponsor showed me how I was keeping myself sick and stuck while validating me at the same time. She showed me a way out without staying stuck in anger so I can be free.