[Hellion]

Well, what if you never where normal? Is there anyone here with PTSD, that had issues before the PTSD? then again I am not so sure some of the experiences in my early childhood did not contribute to my PTSD. But anyways what help is there for those who were never normal in the first place?

I mean just to vent a little I feel pretty alienated by any 'help' I can find...I am going to give one place a try but I am not sure where that will go. It just seems everything is based on getting back into society and functioning well in it. But I am so frusterated because I never had that....I was always the freaking outcast and I never did identify with society. So I just feel so isolated with my PTSD because even a lot of others who have it experienced a normal life before...well I never did so I don't know how to apply that to my situation. So I guess it's just kind of hard to deal with because I don't even know if most mental health professionals want to deal with someone whos goal is not to blend in with in what my opinion is a sick society.

I mean it's like I've got a double bad situation because I cannot function in this society and even if I could I am not sure I'd want to.

[AngelWolf3]

I totally understand that! I hear you 100%. I too, was never "normal" to begin with, and like you, I don't know if any childhood experiences helped to "contribute" to what is going on now.

But we do live in a pretty messed up society. I wonder myself sometimes, why even bother with trying to blend in with it, and do I even want to?

I am going to take suggestions from earlier and also seek some therapy in hopes of controlling the symptoms, but maybe being different than everyone else is okay. (even though it is truly isolating at times!)

Its good to have a place to vent.

[Open Eyes]

(((Hellion))),

Many who have PTSD problems have problems that stem back to their childhoods. I was also one in this catagory. I think that this past week it finally got to a point where it hit me right between the eyes and I have been all around it for a while.
Unfortunately I have been in such a damanding atmosphere that I just didn't see it, but it was always all around me, even here.

Probably like you, I grew up in a disfunctional atmosphere and in my case I never learned how to be HAPPY FOR ME. I only learned to see the others around me and the only way I could seem to be happy or safe is IF THEY WERE HAPPY.

The most important thing you have to learn is that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT FOR YOURSELF.

I adapted to EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ME THAT HAD PROBLEMS when I was growing up. There was NO solid person in my youth that I could imprint on. And when there is alcoholism, as was in my case, THERE IS CONSTANT DISFUCTION. My father was a binge alcoholic and seemed functional in between. But he had that mentality and was often very self absorbed as well. That disease leads to someone being very self absorbed and waiting for that time when they can just escape from life, that is their reward, their answer and in that, they never learn how to truely grow up and deal with life as well as help others do the same.

If someone doesn't really learn how to live life and love themselves and have permission to be happy, as we all need that? Well then that someone runs away from life and other people as well.

Walking away from TOXIC people doesn't mean we have to NOT LOVE THEM. What it means is we have to stop them from NOT giving us permission to love ourselves and be happy. We have to learn that WE CANNOT FIX THESE PEOPLE and they interfere with us developing our own sense of value in ourselves and life. These people can very easily convince us that we are unworthy without our even knowing it. And what do we know? when we are just children? We are what we know, and if we do not know how to love ourselves and give ourselves permission to TRY LIFE, LEARN IN LIFE, GIVE OURSELVES CREDIT FOR THE EFFORT, GIVE OURSELVES A CHANCE TO LEARN AND GROW EVEN WHEN WE MAKE MISTAKES, we begin to unknowingly think we never deserved it and are not good enough.

The only way to resolve this is to find others that have been given permission to finally LOVE THEMSELVES. That it is ok to fail a test or stumble and fall or not be the best at something we try. It is ok to try and grow and do life and be human and make mistakes and we don't have to let others judge us.

That is where healing begins.

Hellion, try that program, it may help you learn that, it designed for that. Therapy is supposed to help you learn that too. However, for you, you can learn this in AA and Alanon as well. Everyone goes there to learn the same thing and that in itself is comforting because you learn you are not alone. And there are people that have been there longer and have gained and they can help you do the same.

Hellion, you got the wrong impression in another thread and the purpose of that program is NEVER TO JUDGE ANYONE. It is not about being judged at all and if you go there afraid of that you may miss out on some wonderful people whom you can really learn a lot with and SHARE with as they all learn how to listen and SHARE. You will meet people JUST LIKE YOU whom can relate to you and truely HELP you as well and make you feel VERY WELCOME as well. That will do more to help you with the PTSD than any medication you can take. You DO have goals and desires, you CAN learn how to give yourself what you need to proceed with that desire and actually thrive, and you will also have good friends along the way that will reach out to you when you stumble and they wont judge you either, they will really understand and help you and that is what you need the most right now.

Open Eyes

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((Hellion))),

Many who have PTSD problems have problems that stem back to their childhoods. I was also one in this catagory. I think that this past week it finally got to a point where it hit me right between the eyes and I have been all around it for a while.
Unfortunately I have been in such a damanding atmosphere that I just didn't see it, but it was always all around me, even here.

Probably like you, I grew up in a disfunctional atmosphere and in my case I never learned how to be HAPPY FOR ME. I only learned to see the others around me and the only way I could seem to be happy or safe is IF THEY WERE HAPPY.

The most important thing you have to learn is that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT FOR YOURSELF.

I adapted to EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ME THAT HAD PROBLEMS when I was growing up. There was NO solid person in my youth that I could imprint on. And when there is alcoholism, as was in my case, THERE IS CONSTANT DISFUCTION. My father was a binge alcoholic and seemed functional in between. But he had that mentality and was often very self absorbed as well. That disease leads to someone being very self absorbed and waiting for that time when they can just escape from life, that is their reward, their answer and in that, they never learn how to truely grow up and deal with life as well as help others do the same.

If someone doesn't really learn how to live life and love themselves and have permission to be happy, as we all need that? Well then that someone runs away from life and other people as well.

Walking away from TOXIC people doesn't mean we have to NOT LOVE THEM. What it means is we have to stop them from NOT giving us permission to love ourselves and be happy. We have to learn that WE CANNOT FIX THESE PEOPLE and they interfere with us developing our own sense of value in ourselves and life. These people can very easily convince us that we are unworthy without our even knowing it. And what do we know? when we are just children? We are what we know, and if we do not know how to love ourselves and give ourselves permission to TRY LIFE, LEARN IN LIFE, GIVE OURSELVES CREDIT FOR THE EFFORT, GIVE OURSELVES A CHANCE TO LEARN AND GROW EVEN WHEN WE MAKE MISTAKES, we begin to unknowingly think we never deserved it and are not good enough.

The only way to resolve this is to find others that have been given permission to finally LOVE THEMSELVES. That it is ok to fail a test or stumble and fall or not be the best at something we try. It is ok to try and grow and do life and be human and make mistakes and we don't have to let others judge us.

That is where healing begins.

Hellion, try that program, it may help you learn that, it designed for that. Therapy is supposed to help you learn that too. However, for you, you can learn this in AA and Alanon as well. Everyone goes there to learn the same thing and that in itself is comforting because you learn you are not alone. And there are people that have been there longer and have gained and they can help you do the same.

Hellion, you got the wrong impression in another thread and the purpose of that program is NEVER TO JUDGE ANYONE. It is not about being judged at all and if you go there afraid of that you may miss out on some wonderful people whom you can really learn a lot with and SHARE with as they all learn how to listen and SHARE. You will meet people JUST LIKE YOU whom can relate to you and truely HELP you as well and make you feel VERY WELCOME as well. That will do more to help you with the PTSD than any medication you can take. You DO have goals and desires, you CAN learn how to give yourself what you need to proceed with that desire and actually thrive, and you will also have good friends along the way that will reach out to you when you stumble and they wont judge you either, they will really understand and help you and that is what you need the most right now.

Open Eyes

-Well I guess I feel like as much as I might deserve to be happy, that is not the way my life has turned out...so telling myself that doesn't really make me feel better because I am well aware I don't necessarily deserve how I feel but either way I have to deal with feeling this way. Also this might sound silly but I have to wonder why do I 'have' to learn to be happy? not arguing with you but just questioning the concept I mean sometimes I feel like that is too high of an expectation.

-I can relate to what some of you said about your childhood, but you have to realise not all my issues stem from my families problems with alcohol...a lot of it had to do with getting bullied by other kids at school and even teachers sometimes. Also I can't see anything I really like about this society over all but I don't exactly have the option to move somewhere else(not that it would help). So I guess I am not sure how to be happy in an unpleasant environment. I know how to try and make the pain more bearable, or bottle things up until I can't hold it all in.

-Also I can love myself as much as I want, but I'll still be in the same situation. As for toxic people a large amount of my family could fall under that and I don't exactly have the option to just cut them all out of my life...outside of family I only have one close friend and I'm not exactly earning a living so not only is it hard to cut ties with those you've known all your life but I kind of need their help as well.

I mean there is some family I don't deal with very often if at all, some I haven't even met...some I would like to deal with less or quit dealing with at all but even the ones I do feel really close to and want to spend the same amount if not more time with have their own problems as well and though I don't always agree with their choices I am far from even considering cutting any of them out of my life.

- As for the AA I think for now I will stick with scheduling the appointment I had planned...and have been procrastinating. Considering I really don't have the intention to stop drinking at this point in life I think I'd prefer a support group that's not oriented on quitting drinking. I would probably feel alienated since I would have the perspective of liking to drink and wanting to still do it at least on occasion rather then seeing it as a terrible affliction I want to recover from. I am not judging or anything I just don't see how I would benefit from that. I mean I know even for people who aren't alcoholics sometimes they can benefit from the therapy aspect of it but I don't think it's for me. I mean to be honest I don't see how I would fit in with people who have quit drinking or are in the process of quitting drinking..I'd feel like the fake that has to be careful what they talk about as not to offend anyone. I mean I doubt they would want to hear about a night of drinking and or my intention to do it again multiple times in the future.

-I am sure they would not judge me or whatever, but I want to respect that they are working towards not drinking or staying sober and I don't think going to AA meetings while I still indulge is a very good way to show them that respect.