[katieranger]

hello. i have made many posts about this before, but not gone into detail. when i was a kid i was abused, and my way of coping was to forget everything the night after it happened. and i keep having dreams that i was raped by my dad.. my therapist thinks something else happened that im not remembering because what im telling her isnt adding up to the dreams im having. in one of the dreams, he told me i should have killed myself because the world would have better off without me. i talked to my moms friend who is almost like my aunt, and told her that i was feeling suicidal because of that and she said it was silly to feel that way. i dont think anyone understands. sometimes ill see a car like his, and i will have an anxiety attack.. will i ever find out what really happened?

[beauflow]

many hugs to you ((KatieRanger)) i don't know about memories and if it will all add up later, but i don't think it's silly to be feeling the suicidal way, but i may add it is something to work on with your therapist with how to cope with that feeling.
many hugs, and may things come together better for you

[AngelWolf3]

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope that you find out, or can work through it. I wish I had some advice for you...I honestly have had weird nightmares, somewhat similar, so I understand. It definitely was not anyone's place to say that you were silly. I don't know either about mine still, and it has been a while, but I hope it can add up for you. Just know that what you feel is YOUR feelings, you are allowed them and please please don't let anyone take that validation away from you.

[SeekingZen]

Katie,
I am sorry that you went through this trauma. It has been my experience that family members often don't understand, either out of ignorance or denial. Has your therapist suggested hypnosis?

Best wishes and

Originally Posted by katieranger

hello. i have made many posts about this before, but not gone into detail. when i was a kid i was abused, and my way of coping was to forget everything the night after it happened. and i keep having dreams that i was raped by my dad.. my therapist thinks something else happened that im not remembering because what im telling her isnt adding up to the dreams im having. in one of the dreams, he told me i should have killed myself because the world would have better off without me. i talked to my moms friend who is almost like my aunt, and told her that i was feeling suicidal because of that and she said it was silly to feel that way. i dont think anyone understands. sometimes ill see a car like his, and i will have an anxiety attack.. will i ever find out what really happened?

[irishpackerfan]

im sorry to hear about this katie. I have a situatiation similar to you and its not fun not knowing. The repressed memories are the worst part of recovery and chances are your not going to know for sure until a very long time when it the flash backs come back randomly.

When i was told by mom im useless i should just go to jail i just felt like digging my own grave right their. I only remember my mom destroying my confidence but i dont remeber my childhood i just know im terrified if people are behind me.

The only usefull advice i can really give is when the flashbacks hit you and your reliving the moment remember that moment doesnt exist anymore its already passed