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Old May 01, 2006, 10:24 AM
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sorrel sorrel is offline
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I've not been around here in a while...but I need support at the moment..I'm really struggling..

To update, I suffer from recurrent depression, dissociation, and PTSD.

Its the PTSD that's troubling me at the moment (exacerbated by efexor withdrawal..)

Its the hyper-vigilance and flashbacks and startle response....I'm scared of people..

getting flashbacks to when the bullies chased me and laughed at me and threw things at me...scared...

wish I knew how to stop this pain....

none of my meds help..only therapy (and I don't have any today cos of bank hol) and visualisation helps...I can't seem to ground myself when I'm around people...I just panic and get out of control, lots of times...

how do others manage the hyper-vigilance?

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  #2  
Old May 01, 2006, 04:01 PM
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sorrel sorrel is offline
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?
is anyone out there? anyone listening?

feel isolated and alone...am a bit calmer now at home...slept, that helped too...but still scared of tomorrow...world feels too much to handle.....like a landmine I have to negotiate, fear of panic, flashbacks...

and I still don't know how to handle the hyper-vigilance as the terror and fear and flight-fright comes on so fast...I can soothe myself once I'm home and safe, but when I am so emotionally strung out and ready to run away from everyone...and am met also with stigma and miscomprehension and laughter....for my pain..and am re-traumatised all over again...

can noone relate to any of what I experience?
  #3  
Old May 01, 2006, 04:19 PM
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Larry_Hoover Larry_Hoover is offline
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One of my management techniques is to recognize and always remind myself that hypervigilance isn't an all or nothing thing.....it varies in intensity. Some days are worse than others, but that inevitably means that some must be better, too. It helps to keep me optimistic. The other thing I do is find solitude. When I'm out, that can be a challenge, but I've even used a washroom stall as a solitude container. Best would be quiet, dark, and private, but private sometimes is all I can find. Then I just take a time out. I don't wear a watch, so timeouts follow a more natural course.

Lar
  #4  
Old May 01, 2006, 04:26 PM
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sorrel sorrel is offline
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you're right...it does vary in intensity, and its really intense right now....

and today I freaked out when a man was cleaning the woman's public loos....my own safe sanctuary when out felt violated, and then he refused to listen to my pleas to ask him to leave...even said he could ask ME to leave..when I told him I didn't feel safe with him there...
  #5  
Old May 01, 2006, 04:39 PM
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Larry_Hoover Larry_Hoover is offline
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A little ironic, the very same example I used.....

This too shall pass. It won't stay like this. Take life in bites that you can chew, and don't let anybody or anything push you faster than that.

Lar
  #6  
Old May 01, 2006, 06:47 PM
bearhugs bearhugs is offline
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I wuold say hypervigilance is one of the hardest things to deal with when you have PTSD. I guess you eventually get through it. I know this probably doesn't help at all. I just wanted to say that i am here and i am sorry that you are having such a hard time with this. I am here for you if you need soemthing. I send you big hugs at this time bearhugs.
  #7  
Old May 01, 2006, 10:48 PM
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LILITH LILITH is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
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Hello Sorrel.... Sorry I did not answer before now.... at my tender age of 53.... I am still have hyper-vigilance. It is something that I grew up with. It is hard....I can't stand for anyone to touch my back...walk behind me or sit with my back against the door. It is something I struggle with daily....
Lilith
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struggling...
  #8  
Old May 02, 2006, 03:08 PM
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sorrel sorrel is offline
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thank you for caring...and for replying...it means a lot...it is a comfort to know I'm not the only one who experiences this....sometimes I feel so isolated and outcast...of course efexor withdrawal isn't helping any... struggling... I hope that one day I will be better...or at least get a med that helps me manage it more calmly....

it feels double the punishment for having had an abuse filled childhood...to still get this now..its like the bullies want to have the last laugh....
  #9  
Old May 03, 2006, 01:51 PM
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sorrel sorrel is offline
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had therapy today...was really helpful, and I feel somewhat calmer...
My therapist was really great today, explaining how I'm not going crazy, what I am experiencing is a natural and normal part of what I have been through....and the lack of efexor(have been on both efexor and remeron for 6 months) would naturally loosen all the held in feelings...

so I'm trying my best to live through this chaos with awareness and compassion...and its not easy...
but it is slightly calmer inside now...
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