[patricia72]

I got myself feeling better yesterday by playing with my dogs and taking a nap...
I woke up thismorning feeling good as usual....I'm a morning person....and played with my dogs some more. I was feeling good until my 15 yr old daughter took a fit a few minutes ago....I didn't want to give her money because I just gave her 40 2 days ago and I think she spent it on pot... she was supposed to keep it for shopping..... she took a tantrum like a child and in french....she speaks french alot more than english... but it roughly translates to "go f**k yourself and shut your f**king mouth"
Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!... Oh that made me mad..... I told her not to talk to me like that and I have no interest in fighting with her and she can take her tantrum somewhere else.....also she will be punished and I will let her know what it will be tonight.
I want to thank those of you who supported me yesterday....
got any advice to go with my disrespecful daughter situation?!
wishing well to all,
Patricia xx

[patricia72]

She has gone to school.... my anger and anxiety has melted....she really knows how to push my buttons, I can't stand beind disrespected like that....
Now, a punishment?!!! Hmmmm.... not sure.
I know there are many out there with teens... any advice?
wishing best to all,
Patricia xx

[Christina86]

Hi patricia!

Is she given any sort of allowance? Or do you give her money when she asks for it or various amounts at different times?

A person of that age should have already (or at least started to) learned how to manage money. If she spends it on something else (do you really think she spent it on pot? If so, you might want to think up something to do about that) then TOO BAD.

As for a punishment, (especially when it was revolving around money) my mother would NOT give us any money (my 2 sisters or me/I?) until she felt we had learned a lesson. This of course wouldn't apply if it was for something actually important.

Or, if the money you give isn't an allowance where she has to work for it, you could implement a working allowance. She has to do work, and she can get money for it.

This still doesn't solve her disrespecting you though. For that, grounding usually seems to work.

What sort of punishments have you used before? Switching from one that you normally used to another one is never a good idea, especially with a teen. (Hey, I'm still there... I consider myself still to be a teen at 19).

Hope this helps and I hope you can find some way to resolve this problem with your daughter soon!

[patricia72]

Thank you for the advice and responce canders7
She gets a weekly allowance....well, lately she hasn't been doing her chores so her allowance gets cut.
Normally I punish her by not letting her go out....
It drives her crazy, she says she can't stand being alone, plus she is popular and always goes out with her gangs.... when she can't party with her gangs she freaks out.
The disrespect thing is something that she is really up and down with.... she has been trying to be more respective but she still blows up at times like thismorning.... when this happens she appologises and thinks that makes everything ok. I keep trying to get through to her that it is good to appologise but it doesn't make it ok.
It's great getting advice from you.... at 19 you have a better perspective.....things are so different from when I was a teen and I'm only 33.
Thank you and hope you are well

Patricia xx

[mtd]

Hello Patricia, I handle this a bit differently now that mine is getting older. I'm past the point where I feel various punishments will have an impact, trying to focus instead on the basic consequence of being disrespectful of others. When he gets that way, as calmly but directly as I can, I tell him I simply will not deal with him (which includes giving him anything or speaking with him at all) until he changes his demeanor and attitude to one of respect and decency. With PTSD, I can't stand the yelling, so this kind of disengagement helps me and I think helps him learn that people will just not deal with him eventually if he is rude or inconsiderate. Besides, the last time I tried to take a privilege away from him, he simply told me he didn't care and would just do something else, which I obviously could not avoid. So, I keep my boundardies calmly and clearly where they are and wait for him to change on a daily basis. It seems to be working.

Hope these perspectives help.

Be well,

mtd

[patricia72]

I appreciate your input, thank you...
I don't yell, I am calm as you said....keep the anger and frustration inside me...but she does alot of yelling!
wishing you the best, and thanks,
Patricia