Still hesitant...

but if I'm going to put my "money where my mouth is" I'm going to post about personal trial.

This has NOT been a good week. Beginning with last weekend and the ensuing problems here at PC... of which I was somewhat "involved" got it off to a miserable start.

Wednesday a matter was cleared for the time being..and I thought things would be ok... in all of my life??? Now why did I assume that???

I double checked my nail appointment for Thursday, and also my hair appt for today...that was on Wednesday. Ok. (Someone has been removing my appts from their computer. grrr)

I went to mail a package... and pick up my mail at post office. They had put a pin in my lock, saying I hadn't paid my rent. GRRR I felt I had, but put attention to mailing the package. It was a type of surprise package. The clerk said I had to put my return address on it. GRRr I scrawled it out, but then he wanted my name on it too... OH NO! Privacy is huge for me and my PTSD (which is why I use a POB)

I couldn't handle it, took the box and got back into line. (I had taken a replacement box so I always have one at home.) Well, I decided to do it differently, and put the items into the new box, and with tears rolling down my cheeks, I addressed it properly etc, and waited in line. (I didn't have to go back into line, I didn't have to wait in line again, but I did both.)

When I got back up to the other clerk, he told me the price to mail the box, but then he saw I had it in a flat rate box this time, so it would be DOUBLE the cost. grrr I couldn't handle another upset, and needed to get this deed done! So I paid the double and mailed it.

When I arrived home I saw that I had mailed my POB check April 25th... so obviously it was lost somewhere in the system. (I just went out to get mail today..and pin still in lock grrr)

I had my nails done Thursday night. Instead of a meeting I had to attend, they had decided to make it a conference call. I thought I had planned the nail appt for before the call... turns out they changed the time of the call and it was at the same time as my nail appt. I had made the nail appt special because of a big fund raising dinner/ awards banquet tonight(Saturday.) So I did both at the same time (cell phone, ear mike.) I heard the entire conference call, but they never heard me come in, though my call was answered. They forgot to list me when they called the "roll" and to top it all off, they cancelled the picnic I was coordinating... because it fell "on" my birthday. I had fun things in mind..etc... I was too sad to try and make them hear me.

Yesterday I had the car cleaned, inside and out. It's been really dirty, and I have a sweet ride. No way would I show up at valet parking with it looking like a pig. I drove to the hand wash place... they told me come back in 45 min and it'd be fine. I went back... they'd taken 2 other cars in front of me It was something the car needed done, and I wanted done, so I sat and waited. I chatted with another person. They came and got my keys to move the car into the end bay (outside in fresh air, we are.) The lady and I continued to chat. Then, after about 10 minutes, we realized... hey where's my (your) car??? So we stood up and saw that the guy was sitting in it, engine running, a/c on...and he was talking on his cell phone!

Now, I put the car in neutral at traffic lights to save gas, and this guy does this??? How rude!! SO I hobbled down to make him stop... he didn't even put the window down, he didn't look me in the eyes, he didn't even get off the phone!!! I had to use my other key / control to unlock the passenger side to make my point!!! (Later when I got the car back, I found he had also changed the radio setting!) It took him 1 1/2 hours to do my car, and the other guy had to clean up some stuff he missed. No tip, btw.

Ok..at least it was all done.

Today, Saturday, I went to the salon early... but still couldn't find a parking spot. I drove around for 45 minutes...nothing! So I drove around more and counted the handicapped parking places. I had previously complained to the mall management but had never actually counted the H spots...I knew they should have 134 handicapped spots for the number of total spaces they had... THEY ONLY HAVE 71 handicapp spots!!! I parked where NO one else was, on a curb (not painted) in a drive area. Left a note with ADA legal issue described above.. and went in to get my hair cut and styled (in a new cut.)

I stopped by the admin office to complain to the store manager, because the mall management has done nothing in months. Valet isn't free to handicapped, and 18 of the only 71 spots are at the valet area!

Then I went to get my hair done. Someone had dropped me off the computer. You know how ppl act when they are guilty and trying to hide it? Well, there she was, the one I and my cosmetician suspect of removing my appts... but this was traumatic for me! The lady to do my hair didn't know anything about it. They tried to say they put me in on a different day, then with a different person... my error.. but no, I had the appointment card showing it. I was nearly livid inside by trying to be calm... still the tears came.. couldn't stop them (thanks PTSD) and I was so frustrated. I told them this will be taken care of in the future... (it's saturday there's no one to do my hair.) I stopped back by the managers office and left a note for salon manager.. that they will be billed by me for the expensive dinner I was unable to attend because of this.
Not the end result I want. ( the culprit also gave me wrong name of the manager! go figure she didn't want me complaining.)

So here I am... I had had to call the hotel/banquet host earlier in the week to order a special meal..and now I can't even go? I feel horrible. I so wanted to go to this... each year I do. I missed the other dinner earlier this year due to pneumonia. And this time all because I look like garbage. I didn't plan anything else for my hair... and couldn't have had it done sooner since it droops so easily. I feel foolish because I'm so distraught by this and can't seem to figure it out, to go.

I don't know if you'd believe me if I said there was more stuff that happened this week... but these are the main points of it. Here I am, posting on PC trying to distract myself... I had hoped by now I would have rebounded and figured out something with my hair, makeup and dressing... and go, even if late. IDK what I am able to do...beyond this right now.

Good grief Charlie Brown, that was quite a post. Sorry everything got so screwed up. Maybe a hat would help? Hope you went anyway, and had a good time to boot.

Thanks bunny for reading all that. I've become verbose of late, and since I'm aware of that, I will be successful in reducing it, also.

Yes, I went to bed, had a glass of cognac, and rested. I told myself that I'd go if I was able to, and not worry if I didn't go. With that stress gone, and the rest allowing me to destress some, I finally did end up going. I forgot about the clock, figured they had a special plate for me that wouldn't go to anyone else... I did arrive quite late, but before the awards. But my hair was only "ok." grrr

On top of all that, I was going to have a photo shoot afterwards, which I cancelled also (since hair wasn't done.) And also before I knew I wouldn't have my new and decent hair style, when the church called me about directory photo, I signed up for next week. NOW I have that on my calendar, but also have to try and get my hair done that day??? IDK.

sorry, another long post grrrrr

(((((((((( Sky )))))))))))

Just an observation, it appears to me that for anyone with PTSD, to be able to get through the day we have to have a ....

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!........otherwise we would just give up and hide away for ever.

Thinking of you.

((((sky)))))

hehehe all GRRRRRRs and hugs accepted! I'm hoping for a better next week... but everytime I turn around, something else needs attention!!!

Wishing you a very good week dear one!

(((((((((((Sky))))))))))))

Sky, I am sorry for you troubles....{{{{{sky}}}}}
Lilith

BIG SIGH! My T asked if anything since I saw him last week that felt positive. After thinking a moment, I said yes, that I found a scrap of speaker cloth in my driveway. ??? I blew my subwoofer in the car a year ago, and when I have the top down, it's folded into that area and it doesn't vibrate, but if I have to have the top up, grrrrr on the bass. So I 've been looking to buy some speaker cloth to redo that speaker...even checking Goodwill stores for an old speaker I could cut the cloth out of... nothing... and then.. there it is..in the driveway. (I used to play a game... "pulling" things into my life.)

I've had a flare in PTSD, T says.

My Post Office put a pin in my mailbox (so I can't use key and get mail) and the lines have been too long to stand in to argue it. Finally today I could do that..and they aren't sure why the pin was still in, they had received my payment and gave me my mail. Well... due to my not getting my mail for a week, of course my paycheck wasn't deposited... but something went awry at the bank prior to that, and they bounced a check on me. That payment was for a credit card that I had made a reservation for something on.. thus the reservation was cancelled. Gotta figure out the bank's problem tomorrow.

Today, I finally made contact with my alarm company permitting department. They called my local police, who had been billing me for non-registration of alarm, and fining me for each alarm I've had (some were panic) and threatening me for non compliance. I had been registered, and my alarm co. supposedly set the PD straight.

My mom didn't receive her motorized w/c yet... the company says they want 20% copay. No copay with medicaid...IDK why this is a glitch..nor if she has any contact or has been approved for medicaid like my sister was supposed to work out. Called mom and soothed her; gave her idea of who to call for help.

I received in the mail another notice from the HOA (homeowner's association.) They are upset that I haven't done anything about the front trees that were damaged during hurricane. (No other neighbor has either, yet no other neighbor has received any dun letters like me ) They gave me 14 days to do this now, and that was from date of letter... which, of course, I received a week late. PTSD... haven't been able to get this done in 6 months, now I have one week or they put a lien on my home. I left a note on door in case yard guy comes by...so maybe he can do it or arrange to have trees removed/replaced?

T said I have anticipatory anxiety. Sure, doc. This, too, shall pass.

Sending you a hug>>>>>>>>

((((((((((((( Sky ))))))))))))))

Any problems in the 'here and now' seem to be amplified when we have PTSD.

I have to write lists down to remind me of things that need to be sorted otherwise I forget, especially bills and payments!

Take care of yourself, like you said,....This too, shall pass.

Sigh. Didn't sleep last night, had MD appt and PT appt this morning... I missed them both. I also have no idea about a quarterly meeting that was to be today. I'm so out of it. I have to figure out how to counter what I didn't do today already.. but feeling too "flare rebound" to do much but think one word at a time here.

Tks for the good wishes, all. I'm doing the best I can. It doesn't always get things done, though.

((((((((((((((( Sky )))))))))))))))

I am so sorry that things are so hard for you right now. (((((((((((((Sky)))))))))))))))))

Yes, you are doing the best you can!

((((((((((((Sky)))))))))))))

TKs. it continues... still awake tonight 2:16 am... only get an hour here another there.... pain keeps waking me... anxiety doesn't help. I need the pt appt tomorrow, my back is out worse than normal.

I did get dog to vet. I did get hair cut... but after all that in one day, I didn't make it to my photo appointment

I begged pain killer for dog, and got it. His hip was out of place and I thought the vet would break his hips putting it back in...but it's still a problem for the dog. He said to have liver tests every 3 months or so...but when I reminded him of how old the dog is, well, yeah... he's in his last months anyway. Dog lost more weight, though I'm feeding him more...I think they call that wasting... he's in good spirits though... still acts like a puppy when he "wins" me over to give him a treat

Need to decide something about pain meds for myself, and sleep too...and MD appt I missed... and... and and

(((((((( Sky )))))))))

It is so much harder to cope in the daytime, if you are not getting enough sleep. Hope you can sort out some meds for the pain and sleeplessness.

Then you will be able to deal with all that is thrown at you, a little easier.

Thinking of you.

Yeh, things can go south in a mihute and then take months to clear up. Post office delivred me a bundle of mail in the middle of January that had been sent the beginning of December!!! I'm still debugging. All we can do is our best and hope others will too. Perserverence furthers..

Sky,
I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. Alot of what went on during those days sounds alot like what i go trhough in mine. If you need to talk, I am here for you. you can PM me any time. In the mean time i send you great big big bear hugs. Take good care of yourself , Bearhugs.

it.

(((((((((( Sky )))))))))))))))))

Hope a hug helps.

tks

nope. just can't. maybe I will just fade away...

<font color="green">Please don't fade away,Sky. I would miss you lots. </font>

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_Sky said:
nope. just can't. maybe I will just fade away...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No fading! Called it!

{{{{{{{{{Sky}}}}}}}}}

((((((((( Sky )))))))))))))

NO fading allowed!

Maybe we need a bit of thunder from ya! Come on Sky!!!