Still hesitant...

{{{{{SKY}}}}} you are very important to all of us....we would miss you if you faded away.....

Thanks y'all. I'm doing the best I can. I'll try to check in, even if I fade, ok?

No pressure. ........but........

Come back soon!

(((((((((((( Sky ))))))))))))))

?????????????????????????????????????

(((((((((((Sky)))))))))))))

...checking in. Thank you for all your caring

I'm trying to post to others... but I feel like I'm becoming incoherent T and I are going to try and go forward again on the in-home assessment the ins.co wants. I doubt that they will do anything even once they come, inspect and ask questions. I have no idea when the hearing is ...attorney hasn't bothered to let me know the scheduling... it won't look good IMO if they are able to tell a judge that I refused an in-home assessment. Gotta do this.. .stress is building just typing about it

(((((((((((((((sky))))))))))))))))))

something about that would INFURIATE me. I wouldn't want to do it either, but would feel in jeopardy with the suit if I didn't. Ugh, I'm sorry you're in this position.

Why in the world do they want a home inspection? What does your dwelling have to do with anything?

I'm just sorry. That would send me into an absolute tizzy.

KD

(((((((((Sky))))))))))

I'm sorry for what they keep putting you through. I hope they finally get it worked out and start leaving you alone and giving you what they are supposed to and what you need.

IMO, your replies to others have been fine. I'm glad you're here and talking to us.

Rap

(((((((((((((( Sky )))))))))))))))

Good to see you posting again. Go gentle on yourself ok

Here when they do in home assessments they are basically looking at the persons funtion level- if they are able to cook their own meals, if they are able to clean their own house, if they are capable of personal hygiene and so on without the help of home nursing programs, meals on wheels and so on. They are not looking at the dwelling and so on but rather how the person funtions in their own territory vs how they funtion out in the community.

I have been on SSDI now for about 17 years and SSDI does assessments every 5 years where they meet with the person and do a sudden on the spot home assessment to varify my handicap and funtion level. The last one was REAL interesting for them I had just broken my foot and was just placed on paxil and hadnt had time to adjust to the side effects yet. and I had to demonstrate how I do laundry, clean my house and so on. The guy said he was real impressed with my funtioning level on my stairs. (At that time I lived in an upstairs appartment. to get down I slid the crutches down the stairs and sat down on my butt and went on down the same way - sliding. and to come up it way hop crutch hop crutch or I sat on my butt and went up one step at a time on my butt.)

Hang in there ((((((((((sky))))))))))) it will soon be over

Yep.

They are looking at that, and the dwelling, as they will also be needing to pay for accomodating the home for wheelchair, and additional adaptations. I can't do any of that myself, myself. I have water in the frig, ice and ice packs in the freezer. There's dust on the stovetop. Etc etc I need domestic help 6-8 hours a week minimum, and a personal assistant for errands, paperwork and phone calling...etc... problem solving energy for another 5-10 hours a week. I just can't do it. I also might need a driver... IDK my MD says she won't put the effort into the wheelchair and van until I give up driving. HUH???

The reason they are coming is 1) they're nosy? 2) they are going through motions to pretend they care 3) they want the documentation of a visit to show the judge they are pretending to care 4) they want to adjust the cameras they placed there last year 5) they want to rattle me 6) they really won't come, they are just harassing me with my ptsd.

Ok I'm being cynical.

HUH??? Is right. People in wheel chairs can drive vehicles. That why they have designated parking spots here in the USA in every public parking lot called - Handicapped Parking - for those that are handicapped but are still able to drive or for those that have vehicles and have someone else drive them so the handicapped can go shopping and so on that normal people do and Alot of handicapped people have cehicles that they have specifically addapted to what they need for example hand controled instead of foot brakes, gas and so on.

That person who said she would not help until you give up driving definately needs to get a refresher course in her department and needs to come into the 21st century like the rest of humanity.

Hang in there.

that's a longer story

My MD wants me to increase my pain medicine. She doesn't want me driving. I want to try and do something other than doctor appts and eating, and worrying about how to get the house clean, and errands done. I need the motorchair, and vehicle for that.

My MD might be covering her assets, mainly. But since it is so difficult to find medical doctors who prescribe pain meds down here, I have to comply. Well, I don't have to. I might be able to live a bit without the meds. I went the first 9 years without meds. That would mean NO life but "living" with pain...and doing nothing else. I'm nearly there now... just riding the edge... of trying to get to appts, and thinking about activity... if I get the motor chair and vehicle and try activity, I'll need more med maybe? And definitely would need someone to fill in the gaps of domestic and personal assistance.

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_Sky said:
I went the first 9 years without meds. That would mean NO life but "living" with pain...and doing nothing else. I'm nearly there now... just riding the edge... of trying to get to appts, and thinking about activity... if I get the motor chair and vehicle and try activity, I'll need more med maybe? And definitely would need someone to fill in the gaps of domestic and personal assistance.

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And you're fighting this change in your circumstances because.....?

I'm not sure I understand what is at issue. It's nine years later, right now.

If the assessment may lead to your obtaining personal supports, I don't understand why you're not just going to show these people what it's like to go about your day. The specific challenges, and how you try to cope, and what is hard or impossible, etc.

Lar

Sky, I hope you are joking about the cameras. As for the rest, in my state there are programs where we can hire and direct our own care through paid programs. I would give up driving in a heart beat if I had reliable help that cared for me and for whom I could care. I hope you maximize what services and meds you can get. Most of the time, in my experience, have a personal care attendent enriches our lives and gives us new access and comfort. Think about not being do danged independent. After all, you are not a yankee.

UM thanks for your replies... but this IS in PTSD forum. Guess you gotta have it to understand the issues completely? TC!

You know, I'd give up driving too if I could get someone to do it for me. I don't like driving that much. But giving up the independence would be hard.

Sky, I think letting them do the home assessment is progress. It would really be difficult to let people into your home who you don't trust and have associated with so many pains and troubles and everything else. I know that you recognize being suspicious as a PTSD symptom. I know how hard it is to give up symptoms that we have had for so many years. It must be so hard to try to work with these people and submit to what they require of you. I just hope that you can work with them enough and that they will also work with you, and that you'll be able to work out something in your best interest and that maximizes your independence and quality of life. If you can see well enough and control the car, then driving should be allowed and shouldn't keep you from getting the services and things that you need in order to get the most out of life that you can.

Thanks for all replies.
Lots of shoulds and such there.

First of all, there is no expectation of anything coming from allowing them to come into my home and ask me questions they already have the answers to. Second, the stress factor may make me worse off than I was before, even to the point of needing to sell the house and move, due to their being inside.
Third, the driving is an issue they don't even know about, that my MD doesn't want me driving. That would mean they provide a driver that i have to call the day before, wait and hope they show up on time and not too early or late, drop me off at one appt, pick me up in time for the next and not forget about me. It's an impossible scenario... unless I can have floating appts with the doctors, and schedule them only one a day or so many hours apart that I'm useless anyway. THAT would be the ins co answer to my own driver, van etc.
there is NO good solution in any of this.

Those who wish to come assess my home represent the enemy who continues to add to my PTSD, they represent those who caused my PTSD in the first place making my injury far worse than it might have been... they really don't care about me, it's all about money to them. They don't plan on providing anything for me... they only want to appear to be caring when the judge looks over the case.

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_Sky said:
Thanks for all replies.
Lots of shoulds and such there.

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The first thing I'm going to do is apologize. I'm sorry if you heard me should on you. I certainly did not intend such a thing.

I ask you to reconsider.

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Second, the stress factor may make me worse off than I was before, even to the point of needing to sell the house and move, due to their being inside.

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For the sake of completing the thought expressed here, I wonder how you could sell the house without facing greater challenges than this one, the home visit?

It will be stressful. I know something of dealing with the authorities. Of the double bind of having to try hard to prove to them you need their help to cope, when coping is all that you do from dawn until dusk. You almost need to demonstrate that you aren't disabled (by effort expended), to succeed at showing them that you are.

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It's an impossible scenario... unless I can have floating appts with the doctors, and schedule them only one a day or so many hours apart that I'm useless anyway.

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I feel reasonably certain that your doctors would remember that you arrive at the mercy of your driver. They would work around your unavoidable dependence on a third party.

I wish there was a way I could help reduce your stress to manageable levels. I wish there was a way to help find workable solutions to your challenges. And, I hope my words are part of a solution, and not yet another challenge for you.

With kind regard,
Lar

Thanks. Yeah, much of what you said is true. The part about the doctors working around me, well, no.. I would just have shortened or no therapy...both physical and psychological...very busy professionals. I can't do those long days anyway, even with someone driving (which is more stressful IMO) and would go into flare often...

The aspect of selling the house, well, yeah selling is another stress raiser to impossible levels, but if I freak out about them being in my home.. and it becomes "unsafe" because of it and I can't live here anymore????? My T postponed their first try at coming here because I shared these thoughts.. that they have risen again, grrr... IDK will find out tomorrow if there's a date for the assessment yet... and I'll have to tell him what's happening to me

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Of the double bind of having to try hard to prove to them you need their help to cope, when coping is all that you do from dawn until dusk. You almost need to demonstrate that you aren't disabled (by effort expended), to succeed at showing them that you are.

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EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY... and it's that way with the lawyers too!!!

Sky -

Regarding your 6/2 post, I believe there is a time and a place for being cynical. I would say you are justifiably entitled at this place and time. Hope this at least brings a smile to your face.

Hugs,

EJ

Hey Sky, I am sorry I offended you with my answer that was intended to be supportive. I do understand that these people are a representation of the trauma you survived. And I shall say that yes, I too have PTSD. I am sorry for your struggles and I hope that you get through this as well. I am wishing you peace.