[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Among many other things I have PTSD (also DID as well as psychotic episodes some docs believe are schizo related and general anxiety disorder, psuedoseizures which are new... the list goes on) and here in the last year it's gotten bad. Everything has. I've had quite a bit of near death experiences as well as scary times in the last two years and it's piling up.

I used to love to work. I used to love to drive, I used to love a lot of things. I loved being independent, making my own money, going for cross country drives. Now it all terrifies and upsets me. I can't step into the car (my fiance drives since my license was suspended due to psuedoseizures) without an overwhelming amound of anxiety building up. I spend all day at work fighting off the dissociation. In and out of complete consciousness. I get triggered so easily. I'm in this forum because much of it is caused by my PTSD.

It's been mentioned by my t and many doctors, as well as family and many others for quite some time now that I go on disability. I don't want that. I don't want to feel like I'm bumming off of society. But work... I must admit it's very difficult. I have to struggle every minute of every shift not to run out screaming, not to have a black out, not to have another stress seizure, not to cry and curl up in a ball behind the desk. It's hard.

So my question is... Is it worth it? Or would it add to my stress? I hear it's hard to get on it. That's alright, I don't know if I want to anyways, but if I did get on it, would it be enough? I only make 300 every two weeks and somehow have managed to make that enough, would I be able to make it on disability? The only reason I'm considering it now is because, well I need more therapy. Like I need to be there every day instead of once a week, and for multiple hours during that day instead of once a week.

I don't know what else I'm asking... I don't even think I want to do this, no I know I don't want to, but things haven't gotten better and I don't know how I'm still here as it is (working) every day I walk in to work I'm expecting it to be my last day at work, that I have a complete melt down and end up fired or quitting.

I don't know what to do, or how I'm already doing it but it's hard

[AngelWolf3]

I don't know how disability works, but I did have to go on temporary short-term disability for a while. It was through my work though, so I don't know if the gov't has anything like that.

It did help me get back on my feet a bit and gave me some time to recover...especially since your T and doc is approaching the subject with you, maybe consider it?

I don't know. Easy to say, but harder for you to do. Let us know what you decide. I am glad you are thinking of options to help take care of you.

[Open Eyes]

((Purple))),

It is a challenge to work and struggle with PTSD. I struggle as well so I understand.
But, you also have to find ways to allow yourself to keep interacting with life too.
PTSD is challenging in that when someone has it they have a hard time "trusting" themselves. They wonder if they may encounter something that they can't seem to handle. But if that difficulty is feed and the person finds ways to completely retreat, that is not going to "help" them get better. What "does" help is to keep challenging yourself and slowly learning that you "can" still "handle" different challenges. And there will be days where you discover that you did fine. It is important that you understand this Purple, because otherwise you will end up not even leaving your home.

All the things on your list that you "used to be able to enjoy" are things you CAN get back to enjoying again. However, you are not going to get back to that if you position yourself where you can just, hide out at home and talk to therapists.

I have dealt with this many times with students that fell off the pony and suddenly realized they can make a mistake, or the pony can act up, and they can fall off. It takes time for me to get them back on, but once they do they learn to gain confidence again and continue learning to ride. I have fallen off many times myself, and I find that when I get back on, yeah I am uncomfortable at first, but I end up getting back into the rythm of riding and I am enjoying the riding again.

Purple, I can understand how you feel challenged, me too. I do my best to keep on trying in spite of my feeling "lost and frightened and stressed". And I have settled on "one day at a time" so I don't push myself into looking too far down the road with imaginary doom and gloom or sense of how I might "fall off" somehow. I have good days and bad days, I just do my best to focus on each day.
(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[newtus]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

So my question is... Is it worth it? Or would it add to my stress? I hear it's hard to get on it. That's alright, I don't know if I want to anyways, but if I did get on it, would it be enough? I only make 300 every two weeks and somehow have managed to make that enough, would I be able to make it on disability? The only reason I'm considering it now is because, well I need more therapy. Like I need to be there every day instead of once a week, and for multiple hours during that day instead of once a week.

im on disability.

IF YOU LIVE IN THE USA:
i hear its hard for many to get on it, true. a lot of times people apply immediately for it even if they dont need it at the moment because it CAN take awhile and things can get worse while one is waiting. etc.
i cant speak of the wait time. from the time i applied to when i got it it took 2 1/2 months. and i got what i think is called pure disability which is ssdi. theres another called SSI which is for disability too but also if you are low income. SSDI factors in how much youve worked and how much money you can draw from how long you've worked.
i cant help there either because i was what the social security calls a special situation - i drew under a disabled adult child because my father is over 65 receiving retirement benefits.

i heard its hard for most. so if you need it do it immediately cause there may be a long wait. it could 3-6 months to 1-2 years or more. i know that i personally got mine faster because i sent in all my medicals records since from 5 years back. my med records were consistent with my issues. i had a lot but just my luck really thats all.

SSDI pays out more if your worked a long while i hear. SSI is a set income for everyone i believe.

but check the web site
here are some resources:

http://www.socialsecurity.gov/

Difference between Social Security disability and SSI disability

the Benefits Eligibility Screening Tool to find out which programs may be able to pay you benefits.

[Hellion]

I am probably going to try to get on disability...but first I need to have my psychological issues assessed and officially diagnosed which is a gigantic hassle in itself it seems. I admit some of it is my own issues like getting anxious, having second thoughts and essentially panicking because I don't know what to do...then on top of that I suck at wording things over the phone and I suck at wording things right unless I am in a totally calm environment with no distractions. So I end up not knowing the right things to say to desk secretaries at mental health centers, probably at the SSI office and just general doctors appointments to get to where I need to go basically...or I do make it through that ordeal but still feel stupid because I was stammering and sometimes it takes me a while to organize my thoughts into words so I always feel like they must be thinking I'm a total idiot or something.

So yeah essentially its some of these same issues that get in the way of getting the psychological help and trying to get on SSI that would likely prevent me from keeping a job. And I kind of want to forget SSI and just try part time work, and hope I can deal with being fired repeatedly and still having it in me to keep applying for jobs to make a little money before getting fired....I mean I tell myself if it was a laid back job I liked I could do it, but even then I don't know. And I feel more like I should get my mind clear or something before I do anything...the closest to that option I probably have is get on SSI, get my mind clear and then maybe try and find part time work and get off SSI.

So yeah I am not going through quite the same thing, but I can understand dealing with any of this is frusterating. But yeah as for bumming off of society......it sounds to me like you've been working as hard as you can even with the PTSD and seizures. I mean I think society will be ok if you take some time for yourself for a while and getting on disability could help with that....and maybe then you could deal with some of these issues without the stress of a job and maybe at some point you'd be able to work again if you want. Disability doesn't have to be permanent.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Disability doesn't have to be permanent.

Hellion is right.
they review after so many years. which could be between 1 year or 7 or so. they would tell you and if you want to get off by then - then you can. you dont have to stay on.

people worry about the review but once your approved its a lot harder to for them to take you off it.

[likewater]

My sister is trying to help me get on it. Especially after my brother commited suicide , iM really bad abd seeing our mom broufht back new flashbacks . and my brain doesnt work right probably from physical abuse caused head injury-tests prove it. I'm tired. I have to work.so hard just to perform simple tasks.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by likewater

My sister is trying to help me get on it. Especially after my brother commited suicide , iM really bad abd seeing our mom broufht back new flashbacks . and my brain doesnt work right probably from physical abuse caused head injury-tests prove it. I'm tired. I have to work.so hard just to perform simple tasks.

idk much about you but ive been reading your posts and you seem to be goin through a really really really hard time. and maybe could do with aome financial help like disability because of your troubles ans having to work all through the stuff that has happenes recently. they have temporary disability. depends on how you look at it. if you are able to work in 1-3 years disability might work for you temporarily. otherwose if you cant flat out work you can stay on longer.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I'm going to try to get on it. It's just so hard, and gets to be too much.

Without my car was one thing, and the way it was lost sent me on a downward spiral. Then I lost my license from the seizures. The seizures just were the topping on the cake. They were worse than the wreck, but I was already a mess from the wreck.

Two years ago I was much different. I've had mental health problems my whole life from my childhood abuse, but I got away from it all and started a new life. I was getting better, until the accident. I was actually a good mom, I actually enjoyed life, I was pretty happy. It's such a difference than now. I was always dancing singing and taking my daughter to the park. Now it's hard to get out of bed and I'm full of anxiety. My stress level is through the roof which is bad for someone who has "stress seizures"

It's hard to get out of bed. I'm full of fear all day every day and all night every night. My life is so backwards and mixed up and every single day I am at work (and I've had another job as well that even starting it I felt the same) I get so overwhelmed with fear and even at times rage. I used to love to work. Now it drives me crazy.

I lose time, I go in and out, I'm just a mess.

Could you do online schooling if you were on temporary disability? I can't just sit at home doing nothing, I need to feel like I'm somehow doing somthing positive, or it will just make me that much worse.

I hate it because I feel like I'm useless, and I kind of am right now... Uck

[AngelWolf3]

I bet you could do online schooling? I don't know why not? Worst case you apply and they say no. Maybe you can get some kind of financial aid, etc?

[Nammu]

Since your doctors are the ones that brought this up and you have physical plus mental disabilities use their help and it will go easer. I was a mess and don't recall much other than filling out some papers my doctor gave me, he did the rest. I got mine on the first try and within a few months, but I had doctors doing most of the work and it also depends on the state you live it, some are easier than others.

I was a great Mom before and after SSDI just because you are on disability it doesn't mean you can't be a mom. I didn't think that, but my daughter tells me so. The social workers, the doctors, all of them back then when my PSD was really bad and I also had DID back then, but I am now one, said I was a great mom.

Yes, you can go to school on SSDI, you can go back to work too. You can when you feel better work for under a certain amount of money or if you want to try full time they give you so many trail work periods to see if you are ready to go back to work. You don't have to be on it forever. It is hard with the dissociation and sometimes getting well is a full time job. I answered your other post where you asked if you were having a breakdown. No it sounds pretty standard for PTSD & DID. Not easy but let those around you care for you "trust" is the hardest thing to do. Take care. gentle hugs

[Nammu]

I forgot to mention, you should check out the threads and posts under "Insurance and Finances" currently there is a lot on SSDI. Some members have just gone though the process and others are in the precess they could give you much more relevant info about the entire thing from A - Z.

[thickntired]

I am on SSDI, and it took about 6 months to be approved. I used a lawyer - they take 25% of back pay. You also have to wait two years after approval for medicare. I'm not sure but I think SSI is more for lower income and provides medicade.

PM me with any questions

TnT

[MDDBPDPTSD]

It does take a long time for them to approve. Most people who apply are turned down initially, between 65 -73%. Then the appeal process begins. You can get an attorney to help you and the attorney will not charge you anything unless you get awarded disability. Then the attorney's fees come out of your retroactive disability award.
The attorney's may not be able to speed the process up, but they may.
Anyway, it may take several appeals and finally a hearing with a judge to get the disability and that whole process takes anywhere from 3 to 5 years.
While I was waiting for an approval, I was blessed to have short term disability for 6 months and then long term disability for 3 years. This was through my former employer. If not for that, I would not have survived until the government approved my disability. I do not know how people do it without the employer disability insurance. Maybe an attorney could help you figure it out. Some of them will handle everything over the phone with you, so you do not even have to go to their office.
I wish you the best, regardless of what you decide.

I sometimes feel guilty about being on disability through the government, but as someone reminded me recently, I worked for decades and paid into the social security system the whole time. So, at least in some sense, I am getting my own money back, not taking from anyone else. That made me feel some better about it.

Again, I wish you the best, no matter what you decide.

[color_splash]

I went through this process recently and I was approved for disability on the first go around, so I will list out the most important information:

It is true that a relatively high percentage of people are denied on their initial application, however this is typically not due to the person being ineligible. Rather, it is because there is not enough evidence provided for the processor to make a decision.

Another common reason for denial is that the applicant has not worked long enough. For example, when I applied I was 26 and needed to have something like 8 or 10 years of work history. The details for all of that are on the SSDI website.

What you need for a successful claim is:
A complete treatment history including records from clinicians, prescribers, hospitals and so forth.

Fill out every detail that you can on the forms that they send you. What they are looking for are your attempts to work, your day to day symptoms, treatment that you have tried, and how your symptoms affect your functioning.
The more detail the better, and it is also absolutely legal and even encouraged, to describe what your symptoms are like when they are at their worst.

You can use a disability lawyer, if you want to. All that they will do is make sure that you have all of your documents in order and they will take 25% of back pay once your claim is successful.

What will your back pay be? The processor will determine a date of disability. That is typically when you could no longer work full time. You are entitled to start receiving benefits exactly 5 months after your date of disability.

How much would you receive each month? That will be based on how much you have paid into the system, which has been accruing all the time that you have been working.

Having your the support of all of your treaters and consistent history of receiving treatment, taking meds, and so on, will help. Just send all of the documents that are requested and keep copies for yourself.

The process does take an average of 3 months. You can speed it up by having all of your paperwork sent as soon as possible. Also, don't be discouraged if you are denied on the first try. Your chances of being approved go up when you are in the appeal process.

I know this is a lot of information, but I hope that it helps. I don't plan on being on SSDI forever, but it has given me the ability to focus on treatment. It also helps gain access to resources for getting back to work slowly when you are ready.

Good Luck, and feel free to ask if you have any questions.