[Halesburg]

Ok, I put the trigger here because this may be too much for some folks.

PLEASE DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU HAVE GUN/CHILDHOOD TRAUMA ISSUES

I kept this inside for 23 years and need to get it out.

At the age of 6, I was attending 1st grade and a man came to my school and opened fire on the 1st-3rd grade recess, he used an AK47. All of a sudden I felt my leg get hot and the fire alarm go off. I made it 50-60 feet to the door of the class and passed out. As I was walking I have a vague image of a good friend lying on the ground. When I awoke 2 teachers were standing over me utterly freaking out. I saw my leg with a 1in hole or so and a large, slow moving pool of blood around me. Next thing I was on the lawn strapped to a stretcher. My next memory is waking up in the hospital a few days later. Eventually I learned I had 2 blood transfusions and a skin graft.

My memory before that time is utterly gone and the next few years are a blur.

My question is how is the best way to approach childhood trauma much later in life. I truly do not trust psychiatrists and would rather talk to folks with similar experiences.

How do I get over my distrust of psych doctors? I lived and she died... I have a hard time with losing friends and will show no emotion at funerals. It probably doesnt help living in one of the most dangerous cities in the US.

[beauflow]

i think Pc is a good place to start.. encoraging words from other members did help me with going to the county...... even though my story of the county isn't great, still with other members stories it does help to think and encourage seeing someoe plus to talk to others.

getting your story out helps, you've taken a step by postng.

i my self have doubts and one fear of being locked away was smushed by going.
i have trust issues too, but sometimes it does help, with the right environment to try it out
best wishes
hopefully someone else has some more encouraging words

[AngelWolf3]

I am so sorry you experienced this. My heart really goes out to you. I can not even begin to imagine what that was like. My experience is not as harrowing, but I was involved in an incident where we were held at gunpoint and assaulted and confined in a cooler. Thankfully, no one got shot. So I understand some of the traumatizing effects of this.

The things I experienced in childhood sometimes haunt me too, although Nothing close to what you have gone through. I am glad you are here and willing to open up a bit here one PC with us. I am not sure how to deal with childhood trauma, though as I haven't really opened up about it and my memories are not as vivid.

It is hard to trust. And honestly, sometimes trusting is a huge risk. But when you find that one person you can trust, it is so worth it. I think I might have that now, with my T (therapist). But it took a while to find her, and had to deal with some real untrustworthy psychiatrists too. I know that's not very hope-filled, and I don't think I answered your question...but I know someone here will be able to help.

Please keep us updated. I hope this helps. I am sorry if I rambled!

[Perna]

Maybe you could start considering it from a group standpoint?

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8726906

Getting a feeling for how many others have had similar horrors inflicted on them might help with feelings of isolation and hopelessness of ever being understood or knowing others who have struggled with the same life changing sort of situation?

If I were in your situation, I might try to get in touch with "authorities" or academics interested in the problems and difficulties of children and guns in this time and place and gradually ease my way into discussing the more complicated, emotional, psychological problems you experience; maybe see if I could find or form a group of other adults who have lived through such an event as a child?

Or maybe look at online groups who support post traumatic stress victims http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/index.asp http://www.giftfromwithin.org/ and see if you can make a connection there? Many people here are victims of post traumatic stress caused by childhood abuse or sexual violence.

[emotionally_drained]

Hugs hugs I'm so sorry xxxx