[boxturtle]

guys don't discuss this %#@&#!. They conquor it and do not let it defeat em'
women heal and cope differently from men, especially when traumatized. they tend to talk more. Men will rarely go to a support group. Men deal with the %#@&#!. Men generally resist meds. Because meds do not solve the problem. they make it worse. I had numerous PTSD incidents in my life. diagosed with schizophrenia many years ago, i resisted treatment and as a result was beat to hell by cops and forced out of my home. The treatment workers lied about my true character. I now dissociate occasionally as a way to cope. I am trying to return to work and become self-sufficient again. But am court-ordered to stay put. I do not have the money to move or seek new living quarters. I have no close friend or friends i can turn to.. and the mental health folk have labelled me as anti-social. there has been a lot of trauma in my life and i am trying to overcome the trauma to become whole again.

[(JD)]

Welcome to PC boxturtle. (What a neat screen name you picked! I used to find boxturtles when I was little...)

Yes, some of what you say is true. But it's not that way for all men...I know some personally...for sure. Plus, there are plenty of guys my T sees... and they and I have talked as we pass each other in the waiting room... and yes, they also take meds.

I'm sorry you are being restricted. I know that hinders your healing...from ptsd... but seems at the time to be a necessary evil. We all have to put up with those from time to time.

I'm glad you have found PC to help you overcome the trauma. TC!

Hey boxturtle and Welcome.

I believe you've taken a step in a good direction by posting and voicing some things in your life. I think most people find it relieving to do so-- that is if they can get themselves to even do it.

I guess I'm a rarity (as a female) as I struggle to discuss this %#@& also. (just to let you know I've been dx- with PTSD-complex from childhood, and several other difficulties) I struggle to post here about things that happened, as well as talking in therapy and I will never go to a "support group". I'm not so sure it's as easy as you seem to think it is for all women---- I haven't healed or coped yet. I know a woman that has been forced into the hospital at least 12 times and she is still not healed or coping.

Healing and coping takes much inner work and feeling the pain in an adult mind that can rationalize it all-- IMO. And that takes A LOT of work for either gender. Maybe some men, for whatever reason aren't able to go back down that road again(realizing what happend to them and how, because of it, they may need some help).... just as some women aren't.

Also, my husband is the one in the family on meds-- to help his depression. I don't take anything.

I hope I'm not coming across too strong, I just don't believe in generalizations. I grew up not talking, for various reasons, and pretty much carry on that way still.

I'm so sorry that people throughout your life have misunderstood you-- that is rough. I wish you well in "trying to overcome the trauma and become whole again." I hope you feel comfortable to post what ever is on your mind, there are many helpful and compassionate people here.

All the best to you.

[Rhapsody]

Dear Boxturtle,

Thanks for sharing with us, and now I do believe you have taken the first step in getting better..... YOU are talking about your problems.

And Yes, I understand what you are saying about why men are generally not the ones that are seeking a counselor or taking medicine.... for it is in their blue print as males to FIX IT / SOLVE IT them self's..... therefore it is difficult for them to take that first step to recovery with another person involved.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -


P.S.

to PC

[boxturtle]

thanks mandyfin for the support.
I live with my cat in a subsidized apt. my only source of income is SSDI. my family lives fairly close, parents still living but older with health problems of their own.
I called the rehab worker today and told them i would not be reporting for a "sheltered work" environment. they have said it is a step toward returning to employment, but have classified me as anitsocial along with other DX.'s I am in a stage of denial, but must now conclude i will not return to work. I guess i must accept being "disabled" . I feel no sense of empowerment anymore. I am required to see a psych every 3 mo. and have a case manager. They have been dishonest and that is not even a strong enough word for them. I tried to sue the government and it went all the way to the Supreme Court. It's a long story. But heavily laden with trauma. I told myself this morning the only way now to deal with it all is to dissociate from it. and to deny it as happening.
I tried to keep to a routine of normal sleep at night and such but during the day there was not much to do. The STATE decided what i would be doing, and they are negligent. I was forced to live in a ghetto type apt. ordered by a judge to live there, because i had no independent source of income. As a result , the police were there every single day playing cat and mouse games with druggies at the expense of my health and safety. they labelled me suicidal at times, which was another one of their lies. Long story... I came back from a walk to my apt. building for example and one day, police, paramedics, and such wrere in the parking lot. trying to cope with my symptoms, suicide was running thru my mind. I was trying to understand why that was running thru my mind. Turned out to be an actual suicide. Later confirmed. There are numeruous schizos living here in the apt's along with numerous other mental health caseloads. Where i live is nothing more than a contracted "outpatient psych ward." So, i guess, today i will convince myself that yes, i must still go out and buy groceries with the food stamps card, which was fraud from the get go. but, for now, i am going to try and deal with this denial, and come to an understanding that i will not return to work ever again. much like a semi-retired old guy..who just tinkers around the house. I fully believe the government is to blame for my condition, and my hope still remains for a settlement from the STATE along with home ownership. i cope by drinking a few beers now, but not turning to hard liquor. The beer seems to help the symptoms and relaxes me while listening to the radio. P.S. the job rehab guy wants me to think it over. But, has said if i don't change my mind, they will probably close the rehab case. I, in my mind have already decided "enough is enough." I'll just accept it in time. for the most part, it was wasted words anyway. What i could not understand was why my family members did not contribute some funds, or why the STATE would not find additional sources of self-support. As it stands now, i am on what they call a section 8 waiting list for housing. If approved, I can look for a small home. The government screwed up!

Hey boxturtle,

It's good to see that you posted again-- and hey-- you're bringing me out to post as well!

You said you have a cat-- aren't pets cool. They're so accepting, I like that.

Not trying to push you or anything but are you sure you don't want to reconsider the "sheltered work" environment? I can imagine that it's not were you would like to be at this time.... but sometimes not so good things can lead to a better opportunity--- don't know if that would be the case for you-- but could it be worth a try? Not meaning to sound cynical-- but sometimes I've found if I occasionally play by their rules -- especially if an outcome is real important to me-- then in the end it may be to my advantage.... does that make sense? (sometimes I'm not so good at expressing what I mean-- you know, havent had enough practice communicating I s'pose)

Sorry you are faced living in an unhealthy environment-- hope your section 8 approval comes quick and you can get a house-- that is, if that's what you'd like-- is that what you would like? Oh yea, please be careful with the beer, I realize how it can help symptoms-- but they always come back in the end. I have an alcoholic brother(that just drinks beer) and a husband on his way(with hard liquor)-- it's a slippery slope for me as well...... it can really complicate one's life if not used in moderation. ( I say this in concern -- not to lecture-- and also I could use hearing it again)

Wishing you a good day.

[jennie]

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boxturtle said:
I called the rehab worker today and told them i would not be reporting for a "sheltered work" environment. they have said it is a step toward returning to employment, but have classified me as anitsocial along with other DX.'s

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I fully believe in voc rehab programs. I hope you reconsider your options. If you can stick it out for a little while, eventually you may be able to find regular employment and you can do your own thing. Maybe being partially disabled is better than being fully disabled? But, maybe accepting disability and quit working is a better option for you? I don't know what's best for you. I just hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

[boxturtle]

jennie, thanks for the non-jugments. I will be deciding soon. I also forgot to tell everyone that i was in a car accident many years ago. I am now well over 35 age.
I broke my neck without complication of paralsis. so was very fortunate. But, then the psych people got hold of me and totally destroyed my health. The meds have adverse side-effects, but are under control. Anyway, i like your approach. Perhaps, it is best if i accept the fact that work may be too stressful for me. In my heart, as a man, i need to work. I am Dutch and it's difficult not to have work or structure or as important.. enough money to live. I was thinking about how many times i have been in the hospital for schizophrenia. around 5 times maybe 6 over the last 10-15 yrs. That's just a guess but i guess that's not too bad. The thing i would like most is for acknowledgement of the recovery process and the work it takes to get there. Having the coping mechanisms in place to get there, including finances and of course social support. But, social support is lacking at this time. I have been exploring living like a "functional reclusive" now. That means I will just create things to do to keep me busy each day and pass the time on computer, writing memoirs, or journalling, along with listening to music. BTW- a cup of coffee or tea is an excellent alternative to alcohol, but due to the stressors in my life right now, i am comfortable consuming "just beer" as mandyfins warned me about. Thanks to all of you, for the record, the mental health dept worker called me an alcoholic on paper and lied about it. I know that sounds like denial but its true. I would only consume a few beers on weekends pretty much and that does not make an alcoholic. Alcoholics need the drink each day and that is the first and only thing that consumes them. Also, when i was hospitalized in the past, a hard core conservative judge who deals with alcholism tried to impose his religiousity on me. I have been extremely careful in the consumption of alchohol. The thing that keeps me away from the hard liquor was an experience i once had, of being "guilty" of lonliness one evening. I drank wayyyyy to much and ended up hugging a toilet. I did not like the way it felt and the consequences of my actions. So, i cried out to god that night. But as a result.. I will never drink to excess now.
there is no history of alcholism in my family. NONE.
So, that is another factor. genetics. But, for the most part, My body due to my car accident, becomes arthritic when i drink too much and signals me, to stop. way i see it as a built in protection not to imbibe too much.
but, i feel differently about beer. this much is known. Beer makes me feel either real good inside and strentghens me like people over in Europe who drink
(octoberfest) and things like that.. and then i think of men in England (GB) who after work, the first place they show up is the PUB. and drink on a daily basis.
So, in part, beer mellows. but hard liquor makes a man mean. this is where i am coming from. I would never "force" a man into a 12 step program against his will. It it better IMHO, to drink in moderation than to try to unsuccessfuly stop drinking altogether or cold turkey. (sorry about the long rant) and hope it doesn;t sound like preaching....

somebody asked if would be happy qualifying for a section 8 housing voucher???? that is the big question. my reply... I would happy in a home environment of home ownership in a safe neighborhood without tooo much mental illness, druggies and welfare living. A quiet little cul de' sac..
but, then again, i was never "free" to choose. due to my
illness if you will, i have been court orderd by a judge as to where to live and have only once lived in a duplex with roomates. I was lucky to have good roomates for the most part. I was the one who took control of balancing the houshold budget and that felt good.