[AngelWolf3]

I am just sad right now. A year ago today, I had my injury that changed my life and the course of my career and I just realized looking at the clock that it has been EXACTLY a year. And I am sad. And I am scared because they want me to come back and teach in the same place where I was injured, and I just don't want to step out on that mat.

I feel like a failure and that I am not worthy to be out there anyway, especially after not being able to complete my testing. Yes I graduated, but I still feel like I washed out.

Plus I get really really ANGRY. I feel like I was served an injustice and I just don't want that rage to come out either.

I should feel worthy, knowing they want me back. But I am just so conflicted right now. I mean, who do I think I am anyway.

[Open Eyes]

This is often the kind of challenges people have when they struggle with PTSD. These low feelings come an go, especially on aniversaries. I have this myself, but I remind myself that it is part of the PTSD and that I have to make sure I don't "feed into it".

I hope you are working with a therapist on this, letting out your feelings but also have the goal to "heal" inspite of your bad life experience. PTSD can leave a person feeling like they don't know what they want anymore, lost and confused. It is good to "try" to engage yourself again, maybe it isn't such a bad idea to consider going back to work again. You might be surprised at how that can actually "help" you "recover better" even though you feel the "doubts" you have been feeling.

Keep thinking of whatever positves you can, it is not good to devote too much time to replaying the "bad" or "perceived damage" in your mind.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[avlady]

i was in a few car accidents and remember the day of one of them and the exact time and every year I go through what your expressing. It does get a little easier but just think to yourself that you can get through it even if you need to say it alot too.People get sick of hearing about it alot so i usually only tallk to my therapist about it. whatever you are going through mentally won't be the same as tommarrow hopefully, keep your chin up and hang in there-it does get better.