[ordinarygirl13]

Hello, I'm new here!=) Nice to "meet" you all!

just last week I told my story of how I was sexually abused at age 3 and then ages 11 until I was 17. See I am doing a book club/ study with a bunch of ladies from my church and the author talks about being abused in the book quite a bit.

I didn’t even mean to share with all (20 or so) of them my story but honestly, it was like It wasn’t me speaking the words I was saying, if that makes any sense, it very well may not. It’s all a blur, and I am not sure what all I told but I do remember saying something I really did not want to say. I think it just all came out at once because I held all it in for so long.

I thought after sharing I would feel better, but the day after I shared I felt (and am still feeling) so much guilt and I feel disgusting. I went to the group again this week and I just felt like everyone hated me and was thinking I was pathetic.

I know much of these feelings stem from me going to my mom when I was 17 years old and telling her I was being sexually abused by her boyfriend’s son, and she basically chose HIM over me… AND years later, he is still in our life.

I certainly feel I over shared.

Have any of you felt this way for sharing?? I just feel like I’m being judged now, but most of it is probably in my head.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry your mom let you down like that. I think that's colouring your perceptions of your other experiences - you're expecting to feel certain things that won't be true. I very much doubt the people in your group think you're pathetic.

But you're definitely not alone in this. I am convinced my T thinks I am shameful and shouldn't tell him about stuff.

[ordinarygirl13]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I'm so sorry your mom let you down like that. I think that's colouring your perceptions of your other experiences - you're expecting to feel certain things that won't be true. I very much doubt the people in your group think you're pathetic.

But you're definitely not alone in this. I am convinced my T thinks I am shameful and shouldn't tell him about stuff.

I think you're right, just a hard thought to get out of my head

[growlithing]

I have a hard time sharing. If I am able to start talking about my past abuse, it all comes up. It's like my stories and emotions are backed up like water behind a dam. If I open it up, everything comes pouring out uncontrollably.

I'm sure they don't think ill of you or hate you. If anything, they'd hate that these horrible things happened to you.

[Big Mama]

I so totally do the same thing. I have open my mouth a few times and it was like the flood gates of my heart and soul came out and people look at me like OH MY GOD, I had no idea. Then they avoided me. I am sure now that was just my perceptions. I was with a church group as well. I felt a little awkward for a month or so, but after no one mentioned it again that awkwardness started to disappear. While in private company of a member I had that person ask me about my ordeal and ask how I was doing. That confirmed to me that people did care, they were listening, and didn't say anything because they didn't want to embarrass me, or didn't know what to say.

I was sorry at the time I said anything but after a great deal of time, I feel much better about having spoken up. I know and truly feel like my ordeal with rape may some day help some other person. I might be able to save someone else from pain or be able to help and be better able to relate to there needs.

[riskart123]

Originally Posted by ordinarygirl13

Hello, I'm new here!=) Nice to "meet" you all!

just last week I told my story of how I was sexually abused at age 3 and then ages 11 until I was 17. See I am doing a book club/ study with a bunch of ladies from my church and the author talks about being abused in the book quite a bit.

I didn’t even mean to share with all (20 or so) of them my story but honestly, it was like It wasn’t me speaking the words I was saying, if that makes any sense, it very well may not. It’s all a blur, and I am not sure what all I told but I do remember saying something I really did not want to say. I think it just all came out at once because I held all it in for so long.

I thought after sharing I would feel better, but the day after I shared I felt (and am still feeling) so much guilt and I feel disgusting. I went to the group again this week and I just felt like everyone hated me and was thinking I was pathetic.

I know much of these feelings stem from me going to my mom when I was 17 years old and telling her I was being sexually abused by her boyfriend’s son, and she basically chose HIM over me… AND years later, he is still in our life.

I certainly feel I over shared.

Have any of you felt this way for sharing?? I just feel like I’m being judged now, but most of it is probably in my head.

ug- this happens way too much- when the mother takes the abusers side or refuses to believe it happened- or worst, just tells you to shut up about it and dont say a word to anyone.

i was physically, mentally and sexually abused by my father. my mother was too. she is still married to him. i am 50 yrs old! i finally told her that if she didnt leave him i would never go back to their house again- ever- now, she comes to visit me about 3 times a year. i'm angry at her. i should just cut her out of my life too.

it is good for you to talk about it to others. i have gone through so much therapy that i went from victim to survivor to just accepting it- it made me who i am today and i turned out ok

You are not being judged. every time you feel guilty about anything associated with him you are letting him win. dont let him win or hold any control over your live any more!

good luck