[(JD)]

I'm having a bit of a go with the house painter this last week and forward. He's the typical house painter, except he really has no work ethic at all. Most of them do really motivate themselves some. It is young man of 24 and he isn't a professional; I'm teaching him all he will learn. I think he might be ADD, as his attention to detail is non existent. He's pushed the envelope on some issues, and very close on others.

But the post is about me aHEM. My T is quite pleased and pointed out that previously this type of button pushing and triggering (such as being done by the painter) would have not only sent me to the edge, but set me up for a major upset and subsequent flare...yet I have maintained a good balance through this.

It isn't over... but I am consciously working at not getting upset, though I am miffed at the guy. I'm trying not to "what if" such as if he doesn't return or finish, or if...you know those. I'm trying to take it as it happens. LOL hopefully MORE will happen (like painting where it belongs??)

I hope the guy is just lazy, as I can help him learn to overcome that. I expected more from him today and he did produce...but then when I left, so did he (I went back to check after saying I wouldn't be back before dark.)

I can't get upset with him, it might run him off. I can't get upset also because it isn't worth the price I pay when I do.

I'm wondering if this is connected to my involvement with Dr Seliger's research on positive psychology.

[lenjan]

Good job keeping it together, Sky -- keep up the good work!

[(JD)]

Thank you thank you

[Rapunzel]

Sky, I'm proud of you for managing this, and for using this both as a learning opportunity for yourself, and a teaching opportunity to help the painter dude. It sounds like you are doing really well with this!

Please share more of how you are applying Positive Psychology to this situation and other things. I have been interested in the Positive Psychology movement too for a long time, and I have gotten their newsletter but I haven't seen much from them in a few months now. I don't know if the newsletter slowed down or if my spam filters are grabbing it (which is quite possible). There was lots of good stuff though, and I wish that had more time to read more of the books by Dr. Seligman and his associates. There was a new book this summer that sounded really good, not by Dr. Seligman, but someone who works with him. Ah, here it is: http://www.amazon.com/Primer-Positiv...e=UTF8&s=books A Primer in Positive Psychology by Chris Peterson. I want it. Apparently it reads easily, and the reviews in the newsletter commented on Chris using terminology like "less sucky," which I thought was fitting for this kind of book (even if it is considered a textbook - less expensive than most textbooks though). I'd like to read all of the related books too. One might think that I've gotten tired of all the negativity in my life and now feel a need for something positive. Hmm.

TC, Rap

[(JD)]

Well, I called him Seliger and he's Seligman I've been really tired.

I think, for what little I know for sure that positive psychology ...may I say "ignores" the disordered part of us, and promotes the good and strong traits to make them better and stronger?

It appears that... though they seem to be connected because of the positive outcomes (it must be unconscious?) there isn't any real connection on the surface.

I am doing a project that causes me to look for and promote and enjoy good news from others and in my own life. That's it. However, it seems to have balanced something inside that is allowing me to work through this stressful time (let me TELL YA!) with the painter.

Now, the painter. I think I would place an L on his forehead. Sorry. I don't give up on many ppl... but he has something wrong... it could be just he's a slackard, and expects others to fill in the gaps. I didn't do that and he became miffed at me... then he tried to side up to me for more advance money...but I knew what he was doing and cut him short... no way.. you ruined that when you didn't show up and keep your bargain on Sunday.. From that he threw everything into the back of the garage, some behind my car and left. I had to move it, clean up the open paint, paint brushes, pan, roller.. you name it.. and I'm on bedrest for a day He's lied to me several times, and I let him know one or two at the time, didn't bother with the others. He always has an excuse (he leaves the gate open, which I've asked many times not to, as I let my deaf dog out into the back yard// how do you call a dog from the street if he can't hear you??)
I think he might be on drugs... it would fit his demeanor. IDK if the girl is. There's a limit I can do.

I did end up leaving amessage for T, even though I saw him today again. If I weren't seeing him yesterday and today, things would not be so good in my life handling this, but he is promoting the Positive Psychology with me...and very supportive.

Whew! Verbage!

I have a major project to present tomorrow and all I can do is gather the materials available... and act organized. Tomorrow I will see if I can do the acting.

It's nice when things come together and work the way you like them to. I admire you for your tenacity, as I think I would have had already opened the yellow pages to "P" for painters if I was dealing with this guy.

He may be ADD. He sounds a bit passive/agressive to me with leaving you messes and leaving the gate open after you've asked him not to. Please be careful! You are right, there is only so much you can do. Acquiring a work ethic, or actually a new work ethic, will take willingness and effort on his part as well as time for it to develop and for him to try it and see how it works.

You are very kind to want to be helpful to him. Please look out for yourself with the same kindness!

[RainbowFaerie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said:
It's nice when things come together and work the way you like them to. I admire you for your tenacity, as I think I would have had already opened the yellow pages to "P" for painters if I was dealing with this guy.

He may be ADD. He sounds a bit passive/agressive to me with leaving you messes and leaving the gate open after you've asked him not to. Please be careful! You are right, there is only so much you can do. Acquiring a work ethic, or actually a new work ethic, will take willingness and effort on his part as well as time for it to develop and for him to try it and see how it works.

You are very kind to want to be helpful to him. Please look out for yourself with the same kindness!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Very well said.

RF

[(JD)]

Sigh. He hasn't shown up yet today...

and

my project I wasn't quite squared away on but decided to look organized for...is now a teleconference!!! So much for that! I need to get off here and reformulate..but my PTSD won't cooperate. I am so out of it! eeeeeeekkkk!!!! 12:00 noon or so... gag.

Sky, I hope your day got much better!

How did the teleconference go? It sounds like changing it from a presentation to a teleconference would be very stressful.

I hope you were able to do deep breathing and re-focus and it went very well.

ECHOES

[(JD)]

I do well, again!

Though a different item than the lazy painter. (No, he's not DX'd he's lazy.)

The conference call was great: short and sweet. They agreed and approved everything I had submitted as a proposal! I then created and submitted a budget, and a detailed outline draft of the entire program. Now all that's left (paperwork wise) is a time line, which I have given completion for 4 years.

I hope this continues...if I can maintain and manage my stress and pain... it should. ( did I say should??? lol)

[(JD)]

Ok... with the influx of terrible thunderstorms, I'm having a very intense (reactive) day... plus I'm fatigued to the extreme! Good thing is I won't have to deal with the painter today (though I am worrying about disappointing him by giving him a check this weekend instead of cash...)

If I can get through this weekend ..now with the storms (I was disabled during a t storm) and fatigue, increasing pain... and the gnawing irritation of a lazy painter... then I will know I am truly getting a handle on this...

IF.

[nothemama8]

butting my nose in , never give cash, he can always say you didn't pay him, if he's lazy, tell him you'll pay him when the job is done
Love ya
Angie

[(JD)]

Yep, business gets done with checks. Anyway, he never made me sign any contract, and if I wish (though I would also be fined) I can turn him in for doing business without a license! LOL but he's a friend of a friend doing this...blah blah blah???

She read him the riot act from what I hear..and he showed up today and tried to be nice. He's abusive but guess he's in his nice "don't leave me" stage for her. I'll milk it and try to get the house done, though with T today, I decided to fire the painter and pay him partial remaining monies... I will perservere... even though I'm not sure about him on the roof my friend says he's fine for that, just painted his dad's house. Hmmm..then why doesn't he know how to wash equipment???

Ok. I digressed. Out of my thoughts this goes... whoosh.

I am in increased pain but not what would normally be during these events... cooler weather comes tomorrow behind the front... ahhhhhh cool and dry.

You have a lot going on. I'm glad your proposal was accepted earlier this week; nice job!

That painter! I'm with you--I don't think I would be comfortable with him on my roof either. You said you think he may take drugs.. not the person I want falling off my roof, insurance liability-wise! Yikes!!

We get some hellacious t-storms here.. that must really be hard for you! ((hugs))

I hope you feel better and your pain lessens as the stormy weather moves on.

I think you are weathering your storms very well, Sky!


Keep singing in the rain!

ECHOES

[(JD)]

Ah! Such conflicting info! I will rise above it... I have no need of lies nor of stories or excuses!!! Painter. Ok he's still around ... I just printed off a hold harmless form for us to sign BEFORE he goes onto the roof tomorrow errr today. He purports to having just been laid off where he was a paralegal, so surely I won't have to explain ANYTHING to him, right???

I'll feel better with that signed, even though it won't have a witness. He has joked about falling off the roof twice now. I hadn't said a thing to provoke those comments! I HATE this stuff.

Ok... calming ... breathing... soon it will be done. If he gets his tushy in gear! sorry. When I was young I learned how to paint houses under a master painter... and I have been teaching this young man several things! I also told him most ppl would have fired him by now, but I had hope that he would learn. I haven't given in to him on many requests (that he makes out of laziness.) One included is I will not back down on his cleaning the paint off my shutters!!!

Ok I ramble... but... his last efforts today was to suggest he just paint over them (NO WAY do I want paint on baked in shutter finish!) and then he said he would go buy something..could he have an advance of$20. No. HUH? lol NO I said, if anything he is going to learn and remember that by not doing what he knew to do (tape the area) and being lazy, is costing him more headache, time and money than it was worth!!

What happened to firing him?!?

I am still concerned about that painter! ...

The hold harmless might not stand up in court. In some ways it is like a person who's dog bit someone. The dog-owner had put up a "Beware of Dog" sign.... in court it was seen as an admission of the awareness of the dangerousness of the situation and made the dog-owner, in this instance, liable because of the admission of awareness by posting the 'beware' sign. Lawyers!!

You are leading this horse to water... I hope he will drink!

keep us posted and good luck!

ECHOES

[(JD)]

I need the house finished. He's on best behavior. I told him any other person would have fired him last week. He seemed to appreciate that I hadn't. I found a stainless steel scrubby I keep that will remove the paint from the shutters, so I called and told him not to buy anything. That was an hour ago.

It's really a cautious feeling with this guy.

Well, the hold harmless will probably be enough to keep him from trying anything. He isn't licensed nor insured, and if he intends upon claiming anything, he will be hit with big fines from the City and County IF I say I hired him as a sub contractor (which is on the HH) He won't mess with me, I think.

Ok. If he gets here before 4 I think he can finish today. That would make about 28 hours he's been on this... he hasn't worked that many hours, but he's played at it. I recall 2 of us finishing a larger home in 2 days, 2 of us that is... but it included sealing the facia too. Oh well. It won't matter once it's finished! (PS The neighbors like the way it's looking )

I've messed up the calendar somehow on another item So confusing. I just can't keep it all together. This stress from the painting is all I can do..and at least I am doing that!

I'm glad your house is about done and the neighbors like it! Did he get there in time to finish yesterday?

I think you did GREAT with the stress from the painting. Even a big project that goes well is stressful. You had many 'extras' to deal with and you have dealt with it well.

I admire you for hanging in there and addressing all your concerns with him, meeting it head on.

ECHOES

[(JD)]

Thanks ECHOES... really. No it isn't done. I was gone all day today and hoped he would finish, but he showed up just before I did at 4 pm and I deliberately "ignored" him and the mess he made. He won't be back til Tuesday now. SO I think he will be done by Thanksgiving!

More neighbors came over briefly and told me they loved the color I put on the back doors (same as front.) The house is a dove grey (green tint) with white aluminum hurricane accordian shutters, and white garage door, and the house doors are smokey topaz (think dark butterscotch)... The trim if he ever gets to it...around the top under the barrel roof will also be topaz. I put brass house numbers up this time, and changed out the door lever and bracket and doorbell cover in brass too.

I had planted kalanchoe of red purple and yellow and yellow daisies with red mulch against the front green/ixora hedge... It is beginning to look nice.

I'm waiting for a neighbor (wonder who will ask first) if I'm planning on selling!

I went to an MS Expo today... good info on handling stress, the chronic illness... tai chi and reiki too. I got lots of goodies too ...and I 'd forgotten about that stuff!

The Reiki session went fast as she showed us how to meditate..and I went ... lol the hour was up when I came back to. Guess I needed the break (which is what I planned mid day!)

Sky, the house sound really lovely! The colors, the flowers, the brass all sound very nice.

I am not familiar with reiki but it sounds very relaxing. The last guided imagery I did was like that.. I couldn't believe the hour was up.. .where was I I?!?

I need to practice the relaxation/meditation she did with me but haven't been managing my time well lately. And have been online too much I think.

I'm glad to hear you had a relaxing day today!

[(JD)]

I am struggling with a fit of deep depression.

The house, however, continues to be painted. He did one strip of the topaz trim (facia) and it looks really good... where it is still white looks neglected, something missing, but where it is topaz while it doesn't stand out and shout, it looks completed..almost like wood stain.

This is just a bout with depression... if I stay the course...I will get through it.

(((Sky)))

I'm sorry you are feeling depressed. I am sure you will get through it and I hope it doesn't last long.

Glad the painter is painting! lol

Now the sun needs to come back and shine in the Sky!


From where do you draw your strength, Sky? Wherever that is, "go" for a visit and take it in, fill up with it; allow it to give chase to that intruder, depression.

ECHOES

[Rapunzel]

Sky, you have done so well through this whole thing! Your house sounds beautiful too. And you're getting out and getting a break when you need it, and maintaining hope even when you have setbacks. I am honestly impressed with how well you are handling things. Maybe I can learn something. I always learn a lot from you.

How are you doing today?

Love and admiration,
Rap

p.s. I am going to get to study Positive Psychology in a bit more depth in the next month or so. I have to write a paper on someone or some event, etc. in the history of counseling, and my topic (if approved by the instructor) that I came up with is Martin Seligman & Positive Psychology. I'm looking forward to it. It's strange having a topic already (maybe) when the paper isn't even due until January. It also makes me concerned about what the standard is for this paper which is 30% of my grade. She probably expects it to be pretty thorough if we have this much time to work on it, huh?

[(JD)]

Well, Rap thank you. Seligman has written a few books, so you have plenty to draw on (they all circle about Positive Psychology.) You do know he was the President of the APA for a bit, and is trying to change all the psychologist's perspective towards accenting the positive traits of patients rather than focusing only on the negative.

I keep plodding on. I certainly do sense a division of thought though, of thought and feelings I guess. I have to keep feelings at bay while I concentrate on what I think I know to be true.