[jesonpiano]

Is there anyone out there with similar experiences to that of the Romanian orphans born in the late 1980's
If anyone has anything please share! I was the first kid out of Romania after the dictatorship fell. First four years of my life are completely blocked. Was told and shown what happened in the orphanage, extreme neglect, extreme hunger, psychological and emotional, and physical abuse. I had no parent figure no schedule, no real rules. I was my mom, I was my dad.
To this day I still can't establish a daily schedule and stick to it. Routines are not something I can adhere to for more than 4 or 5 days. My habits stem from basic needs, can't form habits based from complex needs or abstract needs. My mindset is based on "out of sight, out of mind" when it comes to interacting with my environment. I lose track of not just hours, but even days of the week. No sense of money just the concept of the whole mess is in my simple view, too obscure. And holding a job down is a fantasy. I feel no real allegience to others, I would love for my job to be me alone in a think tank, solving abstract problems. I love to learn, and philosophize, and think of solutions. I find the human being a fantastic piece of work, and I understand but I don't relate very well. So i'm getting depressed by this, and i don't know where to go from here, because the general approach isn't work for me.
And I'm thinking that my orphan years just might have a say in all this
-jes

[AngelWolf3]

Wow. I don't know what to say except give you a huge hug, if that is ok. Welcome to PC. There are a lot of people here who have great ideas, and all look out for each other. So I am glad you decided to join.

Are you seeing a T (therapist) at all right now? It sounds like you have a grasp on what might be your underlying issues, and a T could help you process this.

I am not great at advice, but I am sure there will be others who chime in, be patient though, it takes a while to process posts sometimes!

Welcome, again, and thank you for sharing.

I am really sorry jesonpiano. I wasn't in romania but I was sex trafficked as a child and I have the same issues as you. . It's like I'm not schizophrenic, but I don't remember a lot of my childhood so I missed important building blocks to being an adult. I can't hold a job down, or keep anything organized, no matter how hard I tried. I spent so much of my time surviving as a kid, that developmental stages were skipped. I don't know how to date, I am 24 and I have never dated and socialization was terrible for me, for a long time, it still is, but I'm doing a little better. I still mess up a lot. Sometimes I feel like I skipped just years of developmental stages and I don't know how to get them back. Like you, I just really want to be alone most of the time. And it doesn't really bother me. People tell me I'm isolating and that's sort of annoying.

[Big Mama]

Jesonpiano, What a terrible childhood. Our own personal trauma's make us feel and do strange things. I was born to teenage parents struggling to make a wrong right. I was left in the hands of a very unloving individual, while my mom was at school and my dad was trying to earn a living. They came back for me in the evenings. But all day I was left w/ the coldest most selfcentered person I know. I was hated by this person because I was a by product of wrong actions.

Now I have a disconnect with people.I'm very content to be alone. People say you need to get out and enjoy things. I go outside, to museums, zoos and such I just am alone and prefer it that way. I am learning to be more reliant on people though. In Therapy I have learned that I have ADD. This leads to alot of forgetfullness and loose scheduling. I often have no idea what day it is until the day's almost gone. Have you ever checked into ADD. Attention Deficit Disorder.

I am not from where you are but we are both human and that gives us enough to have things in common. I hope you find more folks in your situation that you can more easily relate to. I'm glad you have come to PC I think you'll find alot of good friends here.

[Trikemonkey]

Hi Jes
I'm the adoptive father of a Romanian orphaned daughter who is now 21 so she was born in early 90s.
I completely relate to your issues as she was institutionalize s for 4.5 years before joining 'normal' western society.
Today she still has problems making friends as she is 'different' and I raised her on my own so understand her better than any psychologist. I haven't met a psychologist yet who really understands an institutionalised child. But that's the bad news.
The good news is that with a good diet and lots of love she has blossomed into a mainly well functioning member of society.
She still bed wets occasionally as I'm sure the orphanage simply let you guys defecate in your cot and washed it out with a hose. There were 70 kids per carer.
I haven't been just a father but a good friend to my daughter and this differentiated her from other orphans. We talk every second day and she lives with her boyfriend a days drive from me.
When she was young about 10 I started her on a diary to record everything in the day. She can't seem to emote in her diary simply record facts. But this has helped her focus and she loves the routine of reporting her day in a diary. Maybe she will write a book one day from it.
Her adaptive mother ( my ex) has written her off as she doesn't communicate. Out of sight out of mind is very prevalent. I call her to connect.
Holding a job is not difficult if you just focus on saving money in a bank to one day buy a property for yourself. My daughter is encouraged to dream, like you. Dream of that farm, that perfect partner, etc and then work towards that even if the boss tics you off.
The money is why you are there. Simple thing. Motto make friends or impress anyone. Just the money to buy the house. So if you keep it simple it may help you. Forget all the competitive stuff, achieving something stuff the average western society force down your throat. Just small steps each time when you have a nice goal.
You don't need a general approach or an 'accepted' approach. You are beautiful and different so be different and embrace it.
If you don't have a mentor like an an adoptive parent or romantic interest, feel free to chat here.
My daughter gets very rattled when her basic routine is shaken but she has had set goals of finding a partner with a good job, steady and understanding and she hunted him down and he has had to be very understanding of her over active joy in a physical sense, etc her goals are simple but set in stone for her, get a man, get a regular job, get educated ( power) get 2 kids of her own, get a small farm. And raise her kids.
When she arrived she rocked, was malnourished and spoke no English. She is 80% " normalized" for want of a better word. But it is a constant uphill battle for her. She asked me to explain to her bf about her background which has made him more supportive and understanding but she is desperate to be independent.
She also prefers animals to humans.... Do you?
Ok I'll stop now, hope this was slightly helpful.
TM