[Aiuto]

I have major trust issues that are really bad for my friendships or any relationships with men only.I think they are such liars.I know that all the M.D.s I had seen in past that did nothing for me where all men.How do you start regaining trust back when having PTSD?

[growlithing]

I guess you just have to meet honest men and get proven wrong over and over and over. But I could be very wrong. I have very serious trust issues too and I haven't been successful recently with relaxing it. I know when I was younger, once I got a lot of positive social affirmation, I developed a slight bit more confidence in my ability to interact with people and that helped me a little. I wish I knew the answer

[shezbut]

That's a really tough one for me as well. I am emotionally inhibited towards both men and women - but my general sense of mistrust of men is much more significant.

[jadedbutterfly]

This is hard one. Wish I could give advice. But I don't trust people of either sex. Still working on that with my T.....

[chelsi]

Trust is very hard for me, too.

I did learn to trust, though... I had a really great T who said that one just has to make the decision to trust, and that if I would decide to trust him he would do everything in his power to be worthy of my trust. It took several months but I did eventually become willing to trust him, and he was very careful not to let me down. That was the first person I was able to trust (I was 16). That was a good experience.

The way I handle trusting other people is very similar to the way I handle tipping at restaurants. When I walk into the restaurant, the server's tip starts out at 15% and it goes up or down from there, depending on the service. If the service is adequate the tips stays at 15%. If the service is good, the tip goes up accordingly. The tip goes down proportionately to the problems if the service is bad.

So every new person I meet I start out giving them my trust, to a reasonable degree.

If their words and actions show they are trustworthy then my trust increases over time in response.

If they act in untrustworthy ways, then my level of trust goes down a notch for every time they fail me / let me down. When something happens and I hear that little 'ding, ding,ding' of warning in my head I review the situation and my response, to make sure I'm seeing the situation / my response clearly. If I'm not sure then I try to check out my perceptions with a friend to make sure I'm being reasonable. Once I feel that I'm seeing clearly if they let me down then my level of trust decreases. Multiple incidents cause multiple trust decreases and if things get bad enough then I don't trust that person at all anymore.

Unfortunately, even though I'm willing to start out trusting people (basically), I meet very few people who I feel I can trust over time. With most of the people I meet things start out OK and then go downhill from there.

Part of that is probably due to my inability to tolerate dishonesty in any form. If I can't be honest with people, and/or I figure out they are not being honest with me, I am not going to be able to trust that person. I am a person who says what they mean and means what they say. In order to trust other people I need them to operate at that same level of accountability. From what I can tell that is difficult for most people to maintain...

Good news: I am able to trust some people, some of them have been men, some have been women. There are people who do their best to be trustworthy, it just depends of the person.

Everyday reality: I find it hard to trust most people, my standard of trustworthiness is apparently too stringent for most people to live up to

[JadeAmethyst]

I am focusing inside myself to establish trusting myself first these days. I just started this practice and it seems to be helpful so far. My T once told me to trust myself first and then extend that outwards. Trust is still an issue for me too. thanks for posting...and good luck to you.

[kirby777]

Originally Posted by Aiuto

I have major trust issues that are really bad for my friendships or any relationships with men only.I think they are such liars.I know that all the M.D.s I had seen in past that did nothing for me where all men.How do you start regaining trust back when having PTSD?

Aiuto-

Can you find MDs whom are female? One of my best physicians was a female.
My last pdoc was a female, and she was horrible though.
Every guy I have had a relationship with lied...in fact the last one lied to me about being divorced. He was trying to scam $$ from me.

[vrba44070]

This is a good topic. In the past I was in a physically and sexually abusive relationship. I'm still afraid of most men. But when I met my husband (who is wonderful) I got to know him very slowly. It took 5 months before we met for coffee. He had been hurt too, so he had trust issues too. It took a year of dating before I moved in w/ him. It took us five years since our first date to get married. It's been great. My advice is don't jump into anything too quickly and take your time. If he's worthy he will respect that. Good luck.

[Aiuto]

Thanks for all the responses.I have been on a must needed vacation with my daughter.On my first post I put men Only but that was WAY WRONG!I cannot trust anyone!My T is a women and she asked me if I put her name down for disability because she could help me by confirming the PTSD.I told her I do not know I guess since I confined with her about sooooo much I was scared.She said do you not trust me?I said you know I have Major trust issues cause this whole fight.So I put her on my list for disability.I really think she does want to help me.

[Moodswing]

For me trust has different levels. My husband says I do not trust him but there are areas I do trust like I trust he will never hit me, I trust he will pay the bills but I never trust he won't emotionally hurt me. I do not trust my T but again there are levels. I trust he is doing the best he can with his training and experience but I do not trust that he won't get overwhelmed with me and I will walk in one session and he hands me the name and number of another therapist that will best suit me. I automatically feel people are out for themselves and unless you have something to offer them...something to bring to their table....well then your just an annoyance. With that feeling and thoughts no wonder I can not trust until it is earned and even then it is iffy.

[riskart123]

Originally Posted by Aiuto

I have major trust issues that are really bad for my friendships or any relationships with men only.I think they are such liars.I know that all the M.D.s I had seen in past that did nothing for me where all men.How do you start regaining trust back when having PTSD?

oh this is SO hard. i was violently stalked by a stranger with a horrible nightmare ending. for years i could not look strangers in the eyes. and i no longer walked anywhere like i used to love to do with my dog. i went women doctors- i felt more comfortable.

I took self defence classes and still carry mace- that helped a lot! i started taking baby steps. walking to the end of the block and back- then more each day.

i have had 3 episodes of ptsd since then. all were triggered by events in my life which were out of my control that left me with no control over my life or total loss of income.

it will take some time, but you can do it.

[hawkeye123]

I can relate to all this...Yes, it's very hard to trust. I have a hard time trusting that men will stay, be there for me. Same with some girlfriends. I realize I am very open and vulnerable being a sensitive, artistic soul. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and i am kind and accepting and loving of people. So I think some people actually prey on me...like I am a deer running through the forest with arrows flying at me, the Frida Kahlo painting...You know Martin Luther King,Ghandi, and Jesus were too loving for the world to handle and so they were preyed upon. I am not saying I am like them, but maybe there something to this concept. I am learning to put boundaries, to say NO to people, to stand up for myself if someone has wronged me. I am tired of being nice all the time...putting up with people treating me poorly or dumping their garbage on me... My last boyfriend said nothing was going on with his ex and that they were not going to get together. He was pursuing me physically, then the very next night he was hooking up with her. My sense of trust and respect was shattered. I don't know why I have attracted men like this 5 times.. I guess my dad was like that, lied to my mom, left the family for another woman, then died.. I have a lot of trust and abandonment issues...thanks.