[hurt]

Here I am again; I wish I could just disappear from the face of the earth completely. Why am I even alive?
I am sooooo stupid, weak, confused, annoying. I soooo hate me.
I am soooo very sad, scared, confused, angry -- angry with my therapist, angry with everyone, but mostly at myself. I am so angry at myself that I could cut myself in little pieces. I cannot handle this pain and this panic anymore, and there is no one around me, ever. I cannot, I do not, and I will not trust anyone ever, ever, again. I will never, ever talk to anyone about me, ever again. I cannot handle this anymore. I cannot handle this. I do not even know who I am anymore, and I have so many memory problems. I hate that; I hate life; I hate everything.
I want to cry, and I cannot. The tears stop at the corners of my eyes. I cannot sleep well; I sleep with my keys, my phone, a pepper spray next to my pillow, and I wake up all the time shaking thinking that someone took them, and I am not safe, and so many more........
A neighbor's dog died a few days ago, and I am upset; it should have been me that died, not that dog.

[(JD)]

With all those ppl around you, it's terrible to feel you are alone without anyone. I sure do know the unsafe feeling. I still sleep with my keys and cell phone at my bedside, and this is nearly 20 years after my injury.

Want to share why you are angry at your T?

[Evangelista]

{{{{{{Hurt}}}}}}}

You sound so full of pain and confusion, I am so sorry. Reactions can be very hard to endure, the emotional volatility is very evident in your words, as you become encircled by all the confusion and emotions.. take time to breathe, try and focus on something soothing, yet not harmful, and breathe...sleep deprivation which is apart of PTSD, can result in severe mood shifts and cognitive distortions which make the whole world appear unsafe, bad, and hellish...even our Therapists can become the enemy as we forget that good people still exist in the world, if not at the moment when we are lost in our own nightmarish existence....

Be safe "Hurt"...wishing you gentle and caring thoughts...
Take Care........

[JustAPixie]

(((((((( hurt ))))))))

[confused43]

I understand the not feeling safe. the emotions you are feeling sound over whelming, but you made it through the trauma..... You can make it through this. You are a SURVIVOR. Dont let your abuser get away with what he or she did. If you give you know they won. You can make it through this. try and take one day at a time. Night time is the hardest time for me. espeically around this time of year. i get suiciidal. Try to hang in there. use your supports and remember there are good people out there. I think they are just hard to find.

[hillbunnyb]

I trained myself to go into deep breathig as soon as I could when finding myself in a panic. As time passes, and you do your healing work, the balance shifts little by little so it is more manageable. It won't always feel this bad. Easy does it.

It is hard to pull yourself out of a low when you hit one, but it is possible. if i can do it you can.

you need tot alk about what is making you so unhappy. no matter how much it is. and besides, you say that "I will never, ever talk to anyone about me, ever again.", but you just did. you know you want to help yourself out of this low, but the depression doesnt want you to. and it is this that stops you. but you are better than depression, and it only has the control we give it.

you may have many issues right now hurt, but you can work through them slowly and come out the other end happier. you dont want to die. you would be by now if you did. but you dont, i know you dont. you know you dont.

we lose sight of who we are from time to time, ive just been there but i have found myself again and i am able to see things clearly, but when i was lost i didnt think id find myself again. and here i am. so it can be done, and you can do it.

we WILL NOT hurt you, hurt. you can trust us. and the pain might be unbearable, but we can help you ease the pain and find a way to release it.

i hope you realise we are here to help and that you can talk to us, and i hope you see that it will help you. i know how hard it is, but i know how it feels to be on the other side of it, and i hope you see your path soon.

simon

[Soidhonia]

Hello I am sorry that you are feeling anxious and mistrustful at this time. You amy be having been triggered into an episode, you need to talk to your therapist and tell them what is happening at this time. You may be suffering with PTSD episode, and sometimes a medication change is necessary during this time of stress and confusion to help you feel better and more like yourself, and help you to calm down. I hope things get better for you soon. I am leaving a hotline number in case you need to call someone to talk about how you are feeling 1-800-273-TALK. I am going to leave you my email address if you would like to email anytime. take care Soidhonia

[Sarah116]

That feeling is misrable, let God be with you through this time and evry moment. I hope you feel better because you do not deserve this pain. (((Hurt)))

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope you are feeling better at this time. My email address if neohiodbsa@yahoo.com. Email anytime. Take care Soidhonia