[Aiuto]

I have been gone a while working on my studies in college. Emotional roller coaster has calmed down some since I am trying to focus on studies while I removed myself from toxic people including family and try to stay away from triggers.

I had got the diagnosis of CPTSD & PTSD....I was neglected by my mother after her and my dad's divorce because she had to work 3 jobs to take care of me and my older siblings.I was abandoned by my father after divorce.I was 4years old.I grew as adult never really knowing what love is or felt like.I have been pretty much emotionally abused my whole life. Then more trauma in between losing my daughter's father....Then a horrible car accident.This is my summary of my CPTSD & PTSD.

My question to the PC is one of my older siblings is getting married in another state next month. I am not going....I cannot go and see my father & mother in this event while neither of them have gave me moral support....So I know I am going to be hurt by not going but I will be paralyzed and ruin the wedding if I went, My daughter is probably going....I do not know how to handle these deep lifetime emotions I have had to live with my whole life?

My therapist has been playing a role of a mother for me since I have no moral support....she is trying to do for me what she can do but she say's I'm in a crisis and I need a case worker....well I fell in the cracks of that whole thing so I have to wait for disability or something to happen.I am stuck in a medical web of confusion and getting nowhere. I am so deeply hurt sometimes I wonder why me?How do I suppose to handle this by myself and a T for 45min a week?I am trying my hardest by believing and talking to a higher power, reading self help books, gardening, sleeping, anything peaceful....living day by day trying to pick up pieces of me broken and shattered. HELP

[gayleggg]

Sounds like you are doing a lot of good things for yourself even in crisis. Glad you are trying to take care of yourself. Sorry that you have fallen through the cracks with getting a case worker. Have you tried journalling? It might help get some of those feelings out. Glad you have a good therapist. Glad you are posting on PC, too, there is a lot of support to be had here. Keep posting and get to know the people on the board and maybe you want feel quite so alone.
gayle.

[Aiuto]

Thank you so much for the response.My T says that I had built my survival tactics at a young age.As I grew to be adult I had been using the survival tactics until the last series of fresh trauma being the car accident. I was left in a state of mind that I could not even use all I had known for survival tactics and my mind state was so confused and emotions pouring everywhere with 8 diagnosis and majority of them mental illnesses.The survival methods worked for me before but not anymore....so I have to figure this out from the root of cptsd

[lifelies]

We also have PTSD and C-PTSD, with the added pleasure of DID.
I know it's not the things therapists use to say, but time will say. That's what I think. I mean, we (the alters) hold some traumas, and the "original alter" didn't use to. But some day, he started having memories and flashbacks, and the memories of some of us "merged" with his. That's why he is able to remember some things now.
I'm sorry if this isn't that related to "your topic," because I'm feeling a bit weird now and I wasn't able to focus a lot while reading it (also English is our native language).
But this too shall pass!
Cheers,
Lana
Lifelies