Why am I doing this?

The physical scars are barely there anymore. The main abuser is dead, even said "sorry" on her death bed. I am medicated, in weekly therapy, hospitalized when needed, and raising my 2 children on disability. So, why did I go "searching" through old memorabilia, find a "family" picture from when I was 5, and put it in a frame for all to see. I don't understand this. I constantly "see" her now. Am I trying to trigger myself?

Dee

Some time we do thing subconsciously as to start the HEALING process, that which we all must do in order to survive. I used to go looking for PICS of myself when I was five years old (my main memory of the past - wanted to die since I was five) - as to try to remember, so that I could deal with it all and then eventually heal from my deep inner wounds.

YOU are on the right path of true healing from within..... Hang in there.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

P.S.
Check out the two books that I placed in the Rate & Review section.... they greatly helped me to let go and they were suggested by my T.

Yes, I agree.. I did the same thing.. I went through old photos at my mom's house, trying to jog my memory... it didn't help though. I guess it wasn't time..

Rhapsody, I had those same feelings at a very early age too. but not sure if it was 5, or maybe 7....God spoke to me.. I heard His voice.. telling me i was loved... a whisper.. but heard it in my ear.... and I believed...I clung to that my whole life... thats how I made it through the horrors of my childhood..

I have no old photos. Wanted my aunt to show me some but it was poor timing. I don't believe I was ever a child so if I had a picture I would frame and put it up. Maybe even some sibs. As for HER, I would enjoy cutting her up in tiny peices.