I can't stop my brain

I can't stop my brain from seeing him, hearing his voice all the time.

I don't know if this is just a symptom of my PTSD or if it's just my mind being messed up as usual. But it feels like everywhere I turn he is watching me. It almost feels like I sense him standing outside of my bedroom door, or him hiding behind the curtains in the kitchen, or hiding in the pantry, just waiting for the right chance to pop out and hurt me again

I can't sleep at night because his voice is so loud, yet he's just whispering like, in my ear. I can hear him all throughout the day and night sometimes and it's just terrifying it feels like I cannot escape him. It's gotten to that point where I am hurting myself because I am scared that if I don't, he will come out from where he is hiding and hurt me. I know he just wants to see me hurt, so better i hurt myself than have him do it to me. I know he's out there somewhere watching me and everyday he's getting closer and closer and I'm so scared he'll find me

I just don;t know what to do. I don't know why I feel like this
Everything is just a mess right now

You need to tell your therapist about this. Are you currently seeing a therapist?

Yes, this can be a part of PTSD, but you need to talk to a psychiatrist about how much you are being haunted and are actually thinking your abuser is really watching and talking to you.

((Hugs)))
OE

I agree with open eyes. this is a symptom of your ptsd and you need to talk about it to your therapist and pdoc. medication can help relieve the symptoms.

I do see a therapist,
And I haven't been able to talk to her much about this, but I did let her know that I've been very scared about being watched by him. I'm at that point where I don't know what to do anymore.

My pdoc knows about me feeling watched, but I have not gone into much detail with him either. I am taking meds to get rid of the "voice/s" but I don't think it's psychosis that's making me hear him.

I'm struggling to get to sleep at night. Ugh. I don't want to call my therapist because I am worried about bugging her. It's late and she's probably asleep now anyway. I am truly tired, but I am more afraid of being hurt in my sleep. I have gotten some very wonderful advice from people here, but then night comes and here I am still scared and still not sleeping.

edit;
I've tried keeping my hands busy so I don't harm myself by typing and it seems to help with that, but it doesn't make me any less scared.

Your symptoms seem familiar to mine. I have had severe ptsd for the past 3 yrs and I get panic attaks from time to time where I feel the people who hurt me can see me even hear my thoughts and watch me and I have to get to my apartment or else I just go crazy and I feel I can't unsee others and people can feel or see me seeing them and I can't stop it. I know it is ptsd and nothing else but still very unsettling and scary.

((Kori)),

I personally never heard "voices". However, I did go through some very challenging times with the PTSD. I used to sit at my computer and come to PC and type and read and type away and I was basically shivering and shaking while I did that too. I had a space heater blowing on me because I also got the chills really bad too. I too was afraid to go to sleep because I would experience night terrors and wake up all upset.
I finally had to take Klonopin to help me be able to sleep without waking up in terror.

You really have to be "brave" an let your treatment team know about how you are challenged. I had to slowly learn how to not feed into it when I experienced flashbacks or severe anxiety from being triggered. It took me a while but I slowly learned how to gain more and more control over the symptoms of the PTSD.

(((rep))) I am sorry you have been struggling so badly for so long too. I know I got worse and worse before I slowly began to finally make gains on it and get a better handle on it. I just didn't understand what was happening to me and I never imagined ever experiencing "flashbacks", I never knew the brain could even do something like that. However, I began to realize that if I acknowledged the flashbacks, talked about them and worked through them, they would stop happening.

Also for me, once my therapist finally explained to my husband what was happening to me and to stop being mean to me (because he was often very mean and dismissive to me), I finally was able to calm down some and finally just work through it instead of trying to "hide it".

I will say that it is "very important" that you remind yourself that whatever you do experience is only a memory and truly "not happening now", you will do much better at "gaining" on it verses deciding to feed into it and believe that what you are experiencing is "real" instead of finally "working through it so you can process it".

Yes, it "IS" a lot of work for a while, but with time "you can gain on it" and slowly better manage it and greatly "decrease" these challenging episodes. I have actually had a lot of trauma in my life and I was always told to "get over it and don't think about it and just keep going forward". Well, I certainly never expected to relive it all the way I have. I have to say, it made me "very angry" too.
My T after hearing about all that I have been through in my life has been amazed how I managed to get so far and stay so strong.

You can learn a lot from deciding to be strong and just work through it all. You do not have to "stay afraid like you are now, you really can work through it".

(((Hugs)))
OE

Thank you all.
I saw my pdoc today and I was able to tell him a little about me feeling watched. He wants me to talk to my therapist about it more, however. He discussed upping the dose of one of my antipsychotics, so that's probably what's going to happen.

I made a note that I was going to give him about what's been going on and how paranoid I felt, but I decided against giving it to him. I want to discuss most of this with my T instead of with him. He even told me that therapy is probably going to be what helps me most instead of meds.