I have been throwing C-PTSD related tantrums for days now. I have pain in my left arm, buzzing in my ears from high blood pressure and may have had a mild stroke. The anger - the RAGE - inside me is tremendous. I reached out to 2 new psychologists today and have an appointment to see one tomorrow. He is gay and one of this specialties is trauma. The first visit is a free evaluation. But, he does not accept my insurance. Also, I called 2 former employers to complain about the negative references they have been giving that are preventing me from being employed. My old T said the BEST treatment was to find a secure full-time job. But I have been hampered by these employers who have sick managers who abused me and worsened my C-PTSD and don't want me employed out of fear I will sully their reputations even though I have never threatened to do so. One employer refused to speak with me - she is the truly sick one. I will have to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office against her. The other office was much more receptive. I am tired of suffering. It is extremely difficult to call these office and register complaints about treatment. I do not know if my heart will hold out as I try to right things.

[HealingNSuffering]

I can relate to these problems, the blood pressure is extremely disturbing. I think you should see a doctor about that, get some medication for it. I have been considering asking my pdoc for some medication for high blood pressure lately, I don't know if he can prescribe that stuff. But I think it would save me from some of the negative physical consequences of being triggered (high blood pressure and all the problems that go with it). You can always put jobs on your resume to places that are no longer in business, then the employer can't call anybody. One of my friends did this because she had no experience and she got hired in quickly. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time coping right now guy

I hope things start looking better for you soon! I also struggle with an intense rage lately, I also feel panicky about my job situation. Like the "walls are closing in" on me sometimes. I am confused, who are you filing complaints about, your old T or your former employer? What happened?

I am back from the MD's office. He had me relax and breathe normally for a minute and my blood pressure was normal. He did not think that I needed an EKG. I do need to lose weight. My stomach, however, is not well. And, there is some pain in my ears. I may just go to bed and rest. The high heat and humidity today is not helping. Tomorrow I have a consultation with a new T.

I have had problems with 1-2 T's (There was one who tried to get me to attend his Friday night bible class and read his religious pamphlets; another accused me of ruining his practice when 2 member of the group didn't like me and left - he also threw his hands up when I told him I did not like gay sex.) but the real problem was with former employers. One former employer - I learned after starting - had a reputation for mistreating employees and then giving them negative references to prevent them from finding future employment. There were 3 psychopaths at the office who worked in conjunction to drive people crazy with overwork and abuse. They included the senior partner of a small law firm, her long-term lesbian lover who served as office manager and the receptionist who was a bona fide loony, problem instigator and most likely sexual play toy of the senior partner and office manager. I will give you an example: One day I was working in the conference room on a project that required extra space. I was immersed in my work. The receptionist came in and asked me if I liked to sleep around. I dodged the question but she was insistent. Finally, to get rid of her, I finally answered that I did not sleep around. I figured, what was the harm. It was none of her business anyway. She then replied that "she believed in free love and my thoughts were harassing her." Management offered to move my desk so that I would no longer sit in her line of view. Of course, this was ridiculous. There was no way the receptionist could know what I was thinking. And, there is nothing wrong with not choosing to sleep around especially when you are gay and there is the risk of contracting AIDS or other diseases. It was sexual harassment, pure and simple. It was also gender discrimination.

My c-PTSD is raging again. I am up in the middle of the night. I tried a new "medication" yesterday - Entenmenn's coffee cakes and Danish rings! Problem is, I think they are addictive. They are certainly calming.

[unaluna]

Obviously your body is craving cinnamon

Originally Posted by hankster

Obviously your body is craving cinnamon

Yes! That, walnuts and pecans!!