[too SHy]

I used to be that when bad stuff would happen to threaten me or my family I could react appropriately.
that often meant hiding, running,(mostly in childhood) to frequently staying up all night with a weapon to protect me and the children, because my husband just never seemed to be home. The situation at home was that either the phone was'nt working, from no paying the bill, or I flat out did'nt have time to call the cops, fat lot of good it would do anyway, we lived in a rural area. Needless to say I had made some very bad desisions in those days. Things were always unsafe at home. I am all out of that now. The problem is that now, when anything frightens me at all I just freeze, can't move at all. Then I shake uncontrollably. I feel like a damn vulnerable coward. What can I do to overcome this as it's making me a wreck? I am real sick physically a lot as well. I am so depressed I can't even function well at all.

[A Red Panda]

I obviously don't know the circumstances... but staying up all night with a weapon isn't normally acting appropriately. That sounds a lot more like hypervigilance (which is an understandable reaction btw). If you were in such a harmful situation then I am so sorry that your only available solution was to stay awake all night with a weapon I am glad that you are out of that situation now.

There are four responses to things: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. Freeze and Fawn are newer observations I think, and aren't always talked about.

What do you think about when you've frozen? How long do you stay frozen? If your thoughts freeze up or run off on you, I'd start with trying to work on how you think while you're like that. Maybe start identifying the emotions that you're feeling when you're frozen up? Like.... I sorta lock up sometimes. Not to the point of shaking or crying, but I do sometimes freeze. It doesn't last for very long, but I'm not able to move or talk when it's happened. It starts out with just pure panic (and usually, for whatever reason, I'm unable to flee which is my typical response). So... I get the panic and then I go "Alright. You're here. you can't leave. What is the best choice right now?" and work through solutions. It goes really fast. Normally I don't like any of them, but I'll go with the one that seems the least risky for me.

I guess I am suggesting working towards gaining more awareness of your thoughts and emotions during these times, so that you can start to work through them.

[Teacake]

Let the shaking happen. It will heal you. It wants to heal you. Thats why it happens. Read David Bercelis books about Trauma Releasing Excercises. Read Peter Levine.

It sounds kooky that an effective therapy for ptsd is to stretch out, lie on the floor and tremble, but it works. I only believed this weirdness because I remembered the trembling after childbirth. No one told me about it. I skipped lamaze, lol!. Read Bercelis book. You can do it alone. You can do it with a teacher or therapist.

I've found that marital arts training has helped a lot. I've never been a street fighting girl, but suburban family oriented no contact Sport karate with a little self defense has helped me a lot in life, far beyond the very few times ive put my hands on someone to make them behave.

Sensei told tr me cardiovascular conditioning prevents freeze response in emergency.

Check out Levine and Berceli for unthawing. You can do Bercelis exercises alone. Just read the book first.

Be well. And you dont sound like a coward to me.

[Gus1234U]

i have been through the panic, fight, flight, and now freeze reactions to triggers. i'm still struggling with the anger and the freeze modes. but i can say that allowing them to happen without beating myself up helps. "no more self-abuse", is my new motto. hopefully that abstaining from lashing out will help me with others too.

it is essential that one is exposed to the traumatic memories, for them to be unempowered and desensitized. i think that it's better to do it deliberately, remembering over and over until it doesn't matter,, each time reassuring myself that there was some good to come of that experience, i am me. and i like who i am. and if that's what it took to make me, then there was some good in it. also i say, that's over now, this isn't happening anymore... i can stop responding to it as if it were real. and also, i replace those trauma memories, which are strong, with happy memories, which are much weaker, but more healthy.

best wishes in your recovery~
Gus

[archipelago]

I also have a freeze response more often than the others. It is quite common. It is sometimes called a dorsal dive, when the body just shuts off. It can sometimes feel a bit like a dissociative mechanism. I don't have any advice except that I have found that meds do help and sleeping or doing the opposite like getting in touch with my body in some sort of real way brings me around to a calmer place.

I also freeze now ... Which can be quite ... I think as we continue to heal, all of it will get some better even if it never completely goes away.

[Fuzzybear]