Holidays

I put a trigger warning because holidays can be a trigger for me.

Does anyone else have a terrible emotional/mental time during holidays? If so how do you deal without self harm?

Or attempting to sleep it off with lots of melitonin <_<

Koojriu,

I have problems with holidays too. But we are not alone with that challenge as a lot of people struggle during holidays. Because holidays tend to bring on more stress and emotional challenges it can be hard not to turn to an unhealthy coping method that different people turn to when the stress/anxiety/emotional challenge gets hard.

Each person is different depending on their history, but typically IMHO often families fail to understand how a person with PTSD struggles and if that happens it can be extremely uncomfortable as the desire to isolate and avoid can be high and the guilt that takes place often also becomes a challenge too it can also be extremely lonely too. I always experience a bad PTSD cycle when holidays come even though I wish that would not take place.

I thought about starting a thread because I really struggle with holidays myself. I get overwhelmed with too many bad memories and the fact that my family doesn't really understand PTSD and the gravity and complex way the holidays affect me.

You could talk about how you are challenged here, I am sure others will be supportive and understanding, even share how they struggle too. I think what is helpful is to be around others that actually do understand, it helps a person realize that they are not alone with this challenge. Therapists are always very busy around the holidays helping countless people find ways to get through them. We all tend to think that we are alone with how we struggle and what is considered the ideal way a holiday
is celebrated, but what we don't realize is this "ideal" is not really happening with others and only not us. We tend to have these deep messages about how it is supposed to be but often that deep subconscious message is just not a "reality" a picture that really happens "only for others", the reality is, the holidays are a challenge for many, many
people.

The important thing to work on is making sure you do "not" self punish. I know that isn't easy with PTSD, but do your best to recognize the negative symptoms and that they are just symptoms and don't mean you should allow yourself to feed into them.

You are welcome to talk about "how" you are challenged, sometimes that helps because here at least, you will be exposed to others that can provide you with the kind of sympathy and support you need to help you "mourn" whatever you are struggling with. That is where I have a hard time, I really don't have "any" family member that can comfort me the way I need it and that challenge is brought into "focus" when every holiday comes.

(((Caring Hugs))))
OE

I quite liked the holidays when I was young, but as I got older they turned into nothing but a source of stress and anxiety. Eventually I stopped celebrating them all together - Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, etc.

It was extremely freeing to no longer feel the obligations surrounding those dates. No stressing out in the malls trying to find something. No having to pretend to be enjoying myself while I want nothing more than to get away from everyone. No more people shoving cameras or video cameras in my face, trying to catch embarrassing moments for "memorable pictures", making me self-conscious about everything I do.

I'm in my 30s now and I still don't celebrate the holidays. The only thing I've done in recent years is I pick up something for my niece and nephew at Christmas and on their birthdays. They're too young to understand why I want no part of it so. Beyond that though, I don't even go to any family dinners.

If the holidays cause you a lot of grief I don't think it's wrong to avoid celebrating them. They are meant to be a time of pleasant togetherness, so if they are not that than there's not much point... at least in my opinion. Once you no longer feel forced into that stress than you're able to decide what parts of it you actually want something to do with (like the presents I buy for my niece and nephew).

I hate holidays, especially my birthday. My mother turned holidays into opportunities for her to control everyone, dress us up like dolls and live out happy family fantasies...until she flew into BPD fueled rages. Before I cut off all contact with her, she ruined Christmas by flying into a raging paranoid psychosis, throwing things at me and her new husband from 9pm until 4am.

And my birthday was always celebrated like it was her birthday. In fact, this coming Sunday is my birthday and I'm trying to figure out how to reclaim it.

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I am so sorry you experienced that with your mother. There is a reason your mother
gets this way with the holidays, she is desperately trying to make up for something, and is not aware of it. Has your mother ever gotten help, had therapy? Today's therapy is not like it was when she was struggling earlier in her life.

I understand how it is hard for you living with or growing up with a mother that is so troubled. Try to remember there is a reason for her being like this, and she can't seem to control it, but she tries, and she can't seem to get it right hence her blow ups. She doesn't mean to hurt you seesaw. I am sorry this happens because it "is" hard on everyone who is around this kind of person including the person themselves.

((Hugs))
OE

I hate easter. I was the family scapegoat. All I see in easter celebrations is people dumping their sins on scapegoat Jesus and skipping off to dye eggs and eat opera creams before their loving, suffering, forgiving god has even expired.

Jung might say Ive identified with the archetype. I hate easter. Hate it.

The eggs and flowers are ok but I not crazy about lilies.