we did survive and life did carry on.

I think today for the first time I saw that I did survive and the world has carried on and my life hasn't all been trauma...this happened because something triggered me today and I felt alone and afraid and stuck and felt I wanted to die and wanted mankind to be destroyed because yet again I felt I couldn't trust the world and those in it...

I asked myself what this situation was reminding me off?? and in an flash I felt feelings I would have felt when i was a child...a certain trauma that happened to me that I've always been aware off intellectually...but never felt or allowed myself to feel hit me....

The external situation that triggered me lost its impact on me when I realised what my own trauma was ....when I saw that it was my feelings I was projecting into this triggering external event today....

With this I saw that I have survived and though it was horrific what happened to me...the world has carried on and so have I....

I saw how my world has remained stuck in my head...how the groove of fear has been playing and playing in the background keeping me partly stuck in the past...when all the evidence points to me being here now and alive and that my life has had some wonderful moments also..

DOes anyone relate to this?

Yes, I can defintely relate. As I am slowly unpacking the traumas in my life, and unfreezing what got locked back in that time...making connections...I move towards freedom.

It sounds like you are doing some important work there. Good for you.

(((((((((mouse))))))))))))

I have a few moments like that when the sun peeks through the clouds and things suddenly look different.

I love the title of your post. That's the important thing to remember and celebrate I think.

we did survive and life did carry on

Yes that is a good one to remember.

((((((((((( mouse )))))))))))))

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mouse_ said:

I saw how my world has remained stuck in my head...how the groove of fear has been playing and playing in the background keeping me partly stuck in the past...when all the evidence points to me being here now and alive and that my life has had some wonderful moments also..

DOes anyone relate to this?

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I can relate. I can finnally see how all this has affected everything in my life. How each time someone stuck another label on me I have been retraumatised. Each time I have tried to reach out for help and been abandoned, called names I have been retraumitised. The thing I am struggling wtih is how to turn it around. I know the tools. Think positive Do positive things but what to do when after getting up and on my horse so many times I have decided to stay on the ground. Its not a decision its just happening. Since Christmas I think I have been processing a lot of what happened and suddenly I too can SEE the horror of it. And am starting to feel it and realise how it happened.But I feel stuck. Have you had this happen? Its almost like I am trying to hurt myself by not helping myself. I hear your joy though at this break through. When that happens it is so powerful. Now if I could get there myself again.