Afraid of upcoming event...what to do?

I have to take part in something this week that is part of my study....it involves staying overnight with my entire class, and also with another class that is doing the same paper. We have to all sleep together in a large hall, women and men together, under the same roof.

I have been trying to work up to this, knowing that it is coming and that I ought to do it as it is graded, and had wanted to try to work through some strategies with my T....but things have gotten in the way or more pressing issues have come up in therapy. So now.....3 days until I must do this, I am not sure I can.

In my past, I have had major panic attacks in crowds, especially at night, as being around strange men in crowds or party type environments reminds me of......... trauma(is all I can write for now).

I don't want to do it, and yet feel pressured to. I explained briefly to my Professor that I may not be able to do this(without detail) because of the ptsd......and he said to attempt it, but if for any reason I needed to leave I could. Very supportive. But I am worried, because leading up to the actual evening, I need to be there to make presentations, host the visitors, present a speech in a language that is not my own etc. This pressure is building within me, and I am already pressured with all the final papers due. The day before the 'sleepover' event I need to also take part in one side of a debate in front of my class year.

Yep, I am beginning to feel intense anxiety and I do not want it to become panic.

I don't know why I am writing this here......I need it out I guess. I need to do these things for my grades but just don't want to because of fear that I may panic or get too upset. Maybe I just need to toughen up? Suck it up?

Help...please...ideas....comments....support....anything to not feel so alone with this. Sorry to ask

That sounds so stressful! Do you have anyone in your group who you feel safe with? It's good you talked to the prof about it already. I wouldn't try and tough it out... Why make yourself do something that will cause such stress and possibly lead to a panic? Life is too short and what will it prove? Do you have ideas about where you could go (like a safety plan) if things get too much to handle?

Maybe bring some comfort object with you? Lots of calming things like a scent that calms you (peppermint, lavendar - unless they are triggering for some reason), or something you can keep on you? Maybe it sounds superstitious but I do things like that. If I'm nervous for a job interview I'll use a little lavendar balm and wear a specific necklace.

What kind of class is it? I'd have such a hard time sleeping in a big room of that many people and with all the classes, mixed genders, etc. It would be way too over-stimulating... I would not feel any peace or ease, just lots of anxiety.. So it sounds like a really challenging situation. You have my support if you decide to go or if you don't, either way it will work out ok for you I hope.

That sounds like quite the challenge Jane. When I have to do an event where there could be a lot of people and there are unknowns, I experience a lot of anxiety leading up to the event. However, I find that once I get there and am all set up I can relax more as I have a way of setting up my boundaries that I can manage.

What you are describing seems to be more than one challenge, but your professor knows and you "can" leave if you need to, however, wouldn't it be nice if you went and learned you can actually manage fine?

You are a student right now, learning and using your talents in what you have learned. You are definitely not stupid either, you are actually very capable. This is all about what "you" want right Jane?

Well, I know that PTSD makes this kind of situation a big challenge, anyone with PTSD would be able to validate you on that one. Yes, there are things about it that the PTSD is going to "question" and yes, in a way that the average person doesn't understand too. The only thing you can do is either not go, or, give it a try knowing you "can" leave if you need to.

As I said, you "are" very intelligent and "capable" Jane, the one that has to "know" that the most is "you". I know that it is hard to fall and be brave to get back on that horse and try again, and that fear of falling again doesn't "just" go away quickly, but it does with time and just learning to master it more. Also, being "sensitive" can end up being a plus too, because the one thing we do need more of out there "is" people who are sensitive to other's needs. We need more people capable of seeing the need "you" had long ago when your husband was ill and you needed support too. So, what you "can" do is "your part" in being one person putting forth an effort to recognize that need and help society see it too.

Jane, PTSD doesn't have to be "hidden" all the time, it can be something "positive" because it forces the people who struggle with it to become more "aware" of the emotional that is there in every person and tends to be ignored.

It is important to recognize that "everyone" tends to run from and suppress their emotions Jane. That is a major problem taking place in society that is leading to so many "unhealthy" things taking place now. While the PTSD you struggle with "magnifies", I can assure you that most of the other people that will be in that event that you are talking about has very similar "fears".

There are so many studies that are actually expressing all different kinds of psychological and physical challenges people suffer from because of how much they "suppress" their emotions. When people work hard all their lives and then finally retire, statistically many people die within two years. Why do you think that happens? The reason that happens is that so many people follow a pattern where they work and work to distract or disassociate from their emotions, and then they do things on the weekends to again "avoid" emotions too. Once they face having "nothing" to help them avoid, they can't handle it and they die.

Jane, society is encouraging more women to be like your mother, you know first hand how badly that affects a person that disrupts their whole life. It isn't something that can be "changed" by just throwing money out there either, and we can't expect teachers to educate countless children who only go home to the wrong dysfunctional messages either.

The main reason we have so many "dangerous" people out there is because they are actually "emotionally" baron/starved and because of that they end up doing bad things to others just to be "visible" somehow. That is also the reason we have so many confused people out there in society too with all kinds of "victim mentalities".

Ask yourself again Jane, "what do you want", and "what are you learning in therapy" that is so emotionally challenging to you? If you pay attention, this "need" is all over this site and so many are searching for "this something" which is in someway a need you had too that did not get met. And Jane, we actually did see the reality of this when an experiment was done with a baby primate that was given a mother that had no warmth or nurturing, the baby could not even function when it was put into a group of other primates, it was so bad that that primate had to be removed from the others and live out it's life "alone". Why is that stuffed animal such a comfort to you? Why do you want to be held? Why do you feel guilty for needing that?

Jane, it is pretty "sad" to me that a so called "professional, doctor of child psychology" came out to my farm and saw me do something that she herself did not do. It is extremely disturbing to me that I reach out to a husband and wife team, him a psychiatrist and her a psychologist and "they learn something they feel is so profound from me, so much so that the wife takes a leave of absence from her practice to actually go home and "be a nurturing mother". It is extremely disturbing to me that I would approach a woman/mother who was not only a minister in a big church but also a psychologist and she refused to recognize extreme neglect taking place in a trainer she was entrusting her own child to be trained by, her own child along with others who came to me with concerns of seeing the extreme severe neglect very little children were suffering from. It is unbelievable to me that I would have to "show" a woman who authored a "self help book" that she was so badly neglecting her own child that the child would not even ride my pony or interact with the other children at her birthday party but instead hung on to her mother's dress the entire party. Here this woman is worried about taking time "away" from that child even more to go out on a book signing tour too.

My own daughter is way beyond her piers too. Many of her piers are getting divorced with children of their own, or they are living at home still and are only working and then getting together on weekends to party "just like they did in high school", my daughter just turned 30.

With all this new technology, we are only getting closer to doing what we saw that was so profound back in the 60's when that experiment was done with that baby primate where it was only given a metal "un-nurturing" mother. We as a society are witnessing the profound ways this is affecting our children
that are no longer safe even in their schools, we ask why?

Well, I don't know what this class is about that you are being asked to participate in that is challenging you so much. But I hope, somehow, someway, it has some way of connecting to this major problem I just discussed here. You are so bright Jane, you deserve to be a part of the "solution".

(((Hugs)))
OE

Jane, good Lord, that sounds stressful to anyone under any circumstances. I am not surprised you are very worried about it, I think you would be "abnormal" if you weren't. It's just that your PTSD magnifies all of that, as we all know so well.

I had the same thought as OE, if you get there and can get through it, it would help your sense of overall self-esteem and accomplishment, I know if I were in this position I would feel that way if I conquered it. But I realize that is a risk, the rewards would be great but so could the self-recrimination if you failed. I don't envy you

I wonder, is there anyone in the class you have become close enough to who you can confide in a bit, and ask them to be a "support" person during the exercise, who could maybe take you aside if you told them you were about to break down, and "talk you down" so to speak?

I have been told that the supplement L-Theanine, from green tea, is called "nature's valium" because it has a similar effect, but is non-sedating and non-addictive. Might be worth a try if you can find some at a pharmacy or natural foods shop.

Thanks for the replies......I will go, I have to, I think I am most worried if I have a breakdown in front of everyone, especially those that don't know me.....and I have to leave how it will be viewed by my peers. So worried always about what others think of me.

I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, and a nights sleep filled with weird dreams has not helped! I need to do some positive visualising or something.

And yes, I guess you are right, it may say sound stressful to anyone under normal circumstances. Suck it up Jane! lol

Jane, there is always a bathroom where you can excuse yourself and just go someplace quiet and collect yourself. This event doesn't sound like anything confrontational, and I am sure that when you spend the night they will have security there to watch over the group too.

You should take a nice soft extra pillow with you that you can wrap your arms around when you sleep too. I have one that I call my hug pillow and it keeps me calm and grounded.

I think you will be ok Jane, just take this one step at a time and try not to anticipate what could happen too.

((Hugs))
OE

I think I'd decline the sleepover. It would allow me to focus on my papers and the presentation. If I change my mind than woooo whooo but i'll only stay until I'm ready to go.

Been distracting myself today, but got a little overwhelmed finally and fired off an email to my T asking for suggestions or reminders of anxiety reducing strategies.

I think I am going to tell myself that I am not sleeping over, but if it is going ok then I may.

I know I sound over needy and useless to not be able to cope with this......but it feels like a perfect emotional storm has just hit. I foolisly decided to begin writing "the List" of trauma/pain/hurt I need to discuss with T.....and reading it completely freaked me out. Now I am trying to stop the memories flashing into my head from time to time since. Gah!!

Thanks folks for being supportive. It helps.

((Jane)), you don't sound "over needy" at all, we all have PTSD and can relate to howthat situation is a challenge. It's ok to talk it out and get some ideas or ways to think about it differently that might help.