[Alishia88]

So for a period of time I have done relaxation exercises and they helped me.

I have tried meditation (which at first, helped a great deal), Yoga, Thai chi, qui gong, breathing exercises.

At some point I stopped doing them, because more often then not
relaxation exercises either made me "more" anxious or triggered anxiety, when before I wasn´t feeling anxious, or they calmed me, but they made me depressed.

I felt that I felt more calm or happier when I didn´t do any. Has anyone else experienced this?

If you found something that really helped, what was/ is it?

[MotownJohnny]

No, I find all of that stuff "way too slow" for how my mind works. Sit still and be quiet - only if I'm sick or have no choice. Otherwise, to my mind, it's a waste of valuable time when I could be doing something use.

I had to endure "relaxation therapy" every day in the day hospital, and I was quite resentful, because from what I could see, it was just a big waste of time, and worse, healthcare dollars that could have gone to providing some genuinely useful service to patients, such as some one-on-one counseling sessions.

However, I do have one of my only "good" memories (to my twisted sense of humor) of the entire thing - I ticked off the "recreational therapist" when I told her that her new age music just didn't cut it for me, if she wanted me to relax she would put on some Bon Jovi and crank it up.

Yeah, people keep telling me I should try yoga. Try hopping on a bike and putting 75 miles between yourself and your starting point in 4 hours or less - that will clear your head. (Just to be honest, I have not yet managed to do it in that time, my best was about 4:40, or about 16 mph).

[Alishia88]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

No, I find all of that stuff "way too slow" for how my mind works. Sit still and be quiet - only if I'm sick or have no choice. Otherwise, to my mind, it's a waste of valuable time when I could be doing something use.

I had to endure "relaxation therapy" every day in the day hospital, and I was quite resentful, because from what I could see, it was just a big waste of time, and worse, healthcare dollars that could have gone to providing some genuinely useful service to patients, such as some one-on-one counseling sessions.

However, I do have one of my only "good" memories (to my twisted sense of humor) of the entire thing - I ticked off the "recreational therapist" when I told her that her new age music just didn't cut it for me, if she wanted me to relax she would put on some Bon Jovi and crank it up.

Yeah, people keep telling me I should try yoga. Try hopping on a bike and putting 75 miles between yourself and your starting point in 4 hours or less - that will clear your head. (Just to be honest, I have not yet managed to do it in that time, my best was about 4:40, or about 16 mph).

" Otherwise, to my mind, it's a waste of valuable time when I could be doing something use."

Wow, I used to feel that way, too. But believe me, if you can learn to relax, you will see that this is "very" useful to your health and wellbeing and definitely not a waste of time. I think to get better, you need to put your health and peace of mind on top of your list. It´s essential.
If you can´t make time for 20 minutes relaxation, how stressful must the rest of your life be like?

[MotownJohnny]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

" Otherwise, to my mind, it's a waste of valuable time when I could be doing something use."

Wow, I used to feel that way, too. But believe me, if you can learn to relax, you will see that this is "very" useful to your health and wellbeing and definitely not a waste of time. I think to get better, you need to put your health and peace of mind on top of your list. It´s essential.
If you can´t make time for 20 minutes relaxation, how stressful must the rest of your life be like?

Believe me, I do relax, but just not in a sedentary way. It's just not me at this stage in my life. I wasted far too many years living that way. And there is always too much to do.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

So for a period of time I have done relaxation exercises and they helped me.

I have tried meditation (which at first, helped a great deal), Yoga, Thai chi, qui gong, breathing exercises.

At some point I stopped doing them, because more often then not
relaxation exercises either made me "more" anxious or triggered anxiety, when before I wasn´t feeling anxious, or they calmed me, but they made me depressed.

I felt that I felt more calm or happier when I didn´t do any. Has anyone else experienced this?

If you found something that really helped, what was/ is it?

Yes. I tried meditation. I am not impressed. I will do mantra meditation to zone out to avoid embarrassing tears or dangerous overarousal under provocation and I do deep relaxation as i can. Mindfulness meditation is overrated. I have not been impressed with the average meditator Ive met.

I still do some practices. Breathing in pain and distress, letting it strike the diamond of the Heart to be transformed to something beautiful, to peace or bliss works for me.

Double karate classes alternated with ballet training, Ie working to exhaustion helped me maintain when I couldn't be treated.

Chi Gong has benefits.

David Bercelis TRE (traumaprevention.com) works the miracle. You can learn from his book. You dont need to pay anyone a dime. This is the body's natural method.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

No, I find all of that stuff "way too slow" for how my mind works. Sit still and be quiet - only if I'm sick or have no choice. Otherwise, to my mind, it's a waste of valuable time when I could be doing something use.

I had to endure "relaxation therapy" every day in the day hospital, and I was quite resentful, because from what I could see, it was just a big waste of time, and worse, healthcare dollars that could have gone to providing some genuinely useful service to patients, such as some one-on-one counseling sessions.

However, I do have one of my only "good" memories (to my twisted sense of humor) of the entire thing - I ticked off the "recreational therapist" when I told her that her new age music just didn't cut it for me, if she wanted me to relax she would put on some Bon Jovi and crank it up.

Yeah, people keep telling me I should try yoga. Try hopping on a bike and putting 75 miles between yourself and your starting point in 4 hours or less - that will clear your head. (Just to be honest, I have not yet managed to do it in that time, my best was about 4:40, or about 16 mph).

What you are doing is depleting dopamine while raising serotonin, an approximation of a natural body. PTSD is high catechamines (like dopamine) and low serotonin. What you aren't doing Is anything about your cortisol levels but cranking them.

You need to get your body to a place where it can relax. Slow breathing and yoga will only make you mad in this state. Your wound tight. I bet you dont even sleep so much as conk out.

[MotownJohnny]

Actually, both of you are right. I realized the stupidity of my own statement in post #4 about the second I hit the "post quick reply" button. And I've thought about this thread and read it a couple of times sense.

I recognize that I need to "slow down", for physiological reasons is nothing else.

Emotionally/psychologically, my entire modus operandi in the past 2 years has been to push myself as hard as possible. Because that is the opposite of "the old me". And the motivation was/is fear. So, basically, it's one giant "fight or flight" reaction.

Yes, I pretty much crash at the end of the day. And, I get through my day by using inappropriate amounts of caffeine.

So, yes, I'm pretty much a train wreck looking for a place to happen. Which probably explains why I'm still not feeling physically the way I think I should feel. I should feel great. I feel "blech" a lot of the time. I have medical problems that are possibly "residual" from spending 20 years overweight and sedentary and eating a terrible diet, the SAD (Standard American Diet, i.e., processed foods full of empty calories and artificial ingredients, and plenty of them). Or, they might be something else, just not diagnosed. I keep seeing different doctors and having tests, and they don't find a discrete cause. I keep having these bouts of extreme edema, starting with swelling in my legs, and ultimately becoming "all over". I am trying to be very careful about sodium. I'm drinking at least a gallon of distilled water every day, to try to flush it out. I'm on a really hardcore diuretic. I take a K supplement. When I "bloat up", I have put as much as 20 lbs of fluid on my frame (I'm averaging about 160 on a "normal" day), and it happens really fast, over a period of 2-3 days . When that happens, it also seems that my diuretic stops working, I can double the dose and still end up going up in weight 4-6 lbs overnight. The cardiologist says it's not my heart. My lung issue seems unrelated, and since I have been taking asthma meds, I do feel much less "breathless", and for a while there, I was no longer dizzy so often. They just did labs for kidney function, and that was OK. When one of these episodes of edema happens, it then kind of "breaks" just as suddenly, and I go down a dramatic amount of weight in 1-2 days, back to "normal".

My diet now is great. I'm not perfect (who is), I have a little bit of regular pop (OK, people call it "soda" anywhere but the Great Lakes region, but here, it's "pop") once in a while, maybe every 2-3 weeks - Sorry, I know it's the food of the Devil, but I still love the taste of a cold Coke. I also have "real" bagel or slice of bread maybe once a month, and once in a great while, some potato product. Other than that, I eat only minimally processed foods, try to stick as close to organic as I can, and now am buying only locally produced meats (luckily, my town has the BEST butcher shop, everything comes from Michigan or SW Ontario, and nothing is processed by "brine immersion" or injection). I eat a ton of vegetables, and a little fruit. Some cheese and a lot of Greek yogurt. My main carb sources are brown rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes and winter squash.

In terms of body composition, muscle mass, and strength, I'm in the best physical shape of my life. But, my endurance still isn't what I think it should be, especially when it comes to high intensity aerobic exercise - which is my problem with running. I'm great on a bike, it's self-limiting, I rarely go into a solid Zone 4 except for a few short-duration spikes on a hard climb. Maybe I'm not conditioned enough is all, but a jog at 5 MPH keeps me right on the top of Zone 3, anything beyond that puts me into Zone 4, and that isn't right. I get that dizzy/breathless feeling to fast. And, it just pisses me off royally, because I want to do it, but my body doesn't cooperate.

Maybe it's just not the sport for me. Maybe I need to work harder on it. Maybe I need one on one professional coaching (I've been doing a team program at this time). Maybe I should just stick to the bike, which I can do, do reasonably well, and really love.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless mess beyond all redemption (that is the PTSD talking, I recognize that).

[MotownJohnny]

You know, one reason I like this forum and keep coming back here is because I think I learn more from the members here about PTSD, and get more insights into my problems here, than I have from all of the "professionals". You, collectively and certain of you individually, have helped me SO MUCH.

So, sorry to the thread's OP, for turning it "about me".

[Teacake]

John! Do you supplement minerals? Distilled water is mineral free. Im no physiologist but your symptoms are consistent with mineral deficiencies/imbalances. You need electrolytes. The quick and dirty would be to take some sea salt in water, half a tsp in the gallon of water and see what happens.

Its not all about you when you are on topic. I think a lot of people think relaxation is sedentary, lounging, sitting on the couch watching tv. Thats not deep relaxation. That is stress itself.

A spinning top is very still, and moving at a high speed.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

So for a period of time I have done relaxation exercises and they helped me.

I have tried meditation (which at first, helped a great deal), Yoga, Thai chi, qui gong, breathing exercises.

At some point I stopped doing them, because more often then not
relaxation exercises either made me "more" anxious or triggered anxiety, when before I wasn´t feeling anxious, or they calmed me, but they made me depressed.

I felt that I felt more calm or happier when I didn´t do any. Has anyone else experienced this?

If you found something that really helped, what was/ is it?

Traumaprevention.com helps me. I still have ptsd. I still have moods. But I can relax and I can be active. The feeling of standing on brake and gas together afraid to shift my weight is gone.

David Bercelis TRE is something he has always said you can learn from his book. You dont need a teacher. Its completely free. It is safe simple, natural and effective self help for trauma and tensión of all kinds.

[doglover1979]

Daily mindfulness practice is one part of DBT that I have flunked. I have never been successful at building a meditation practice into my day. I get bored and distracted too easily.

I do use grounding techniques as needed, and some of them involve relaxation. I like to do more active things in a mindful way. Gardening, cleaning. Stuff like that. It really helps me.

I also like to notice spur of the moment mindfulness opportunities in my day. Petting my dog, noticing something pleasant like a smell or a sight while on a walk. Letting myself become absorbed in the moment, rather than forcing it.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

...At some point I stopped doing them, because more often then not
relaxation exercises either made me "more" anxious or triggered anxiety, when before I wasn´t feeling anxious, or they calmed me, but they made me depressed.....If you found something that really helped, what was/ is it?

Hello Alishia,

Some relaxation exercises have been much more helpful to me than others. I would have to say that mindfulness has been the most helpful ~ but it's under certain circumstances.

For instance, imagining myself at the beach or in the mountains, safe & alone, have been REALLY my favorites! I put myself in those places as much as I can imagine, and hold onto a little pine cone or a smooth rock to help.

I also have a special box that I made, while I was in the hospital last. It holds a couple of shells, rocks, pine cone, a book that I learned to sing songs from when my girls were toddlers, a shirt that I wore as a little girl, a special blanket made for me during my second pregnancy, a deck of cards, a small Slinky, and I think something else (like a peppermint candy of sorts). All of these things are special to me. Little reminders of the things in life that I love. Those things are relaxing to me & making it ~ coloring & decorating ~ made that box a little more special too. So, whenever I'm feeling really disconnected and scared, this box brings me some peacefulness. And, in my experience, that's what brings me back to reality.

(((best wishes))) to you!!

[Werewoman]

I know I say this a lot here, but EMDR helps me. I find it very relaxing - usually.

I once tried Krav Maga and probably would have continued if the instructor hadn't moved his studio thirty miles away, but the two times I went were awesome. If nothing else, you'll be too exhausted to do anything but relax.

I'm going to look into the TRE thing Teacake keeps mentioning. Surely even the public library in a hick town in the middle of Oklahoma can get David Bercelis' book since we don't have a BOOKSTORE. Jeez!