[suzzie]

my t told me that ive been shut down in so many ways for so long shes not sure if i can become unstuck. am i locked from the world forever.

[Open Eyes]

((((Suzzie)))),

If that is what a therapist told you, that is just one opinion and it is something she is "not sure" about. It "is" a challenge for a therapist however when they try to work with a patient that just disassociates and doesn't talk about a trauma/traumas. However, it is not unusual for someone to experience a trauma and just block it out for "years" not even realizing they are even doing that. For example, a woman can experience childhood abuse and block it off for a long time and then have a child of her own and when her child comes the age she was when she was abused the memories come forward and she can develop PTSD. They even learned that some war veterans came home from war, lived their lives and then at a commemorative reunion seeing pictures and discussions went home afterwards and developed symptoms of PTSD.

A lot depends on the age when trauma happens too, and children can just shut down because they have no way of comprehending or defending themselves. It is a way for us to survive and continue to thrive.

I would not consider it being locked out of the world forever though.

OE

[Frankbtl]

Hi suzzie, maybe time to look for another T then, hey??!! I mean depending on what you've been through there may be some areas that you're going to have long term difficulties with, there may be areas that you need to make some life changes/allowances to accommodate for but that doesn't necessarily have to mean that this is all you are/all you can be.
And don't let the "for so long" necessarily dictate your future either. Time doesn't have to be a deciding factor on whether change is possible. There are so many things that can contribute to making changes which don't have an limited time scale/use-by-date stamped on them including getting really good support/help.
And as for being locked from the world, maybe for now from some aspects of it?? But don't forget the areas that you are truely alive in, don't let them go, and don't let go of the possibilities of some other doors opening too with some real help.
And if your T isn't up to it............time to be looking around for one that is???

Alison

[skeksi]

That must have been difficult to hear. Can you tell your T how disheartening it was? In my opinion, I am very damaged because of what happened to me and the PTSD--but I also believe I can get "less unstuck," even if I don't get completely unstuck.

My psychiatrist once told me something like he couldn't make me 100% free of symptoms and difficulties, but that we could definitely get to like 75%. That was honest, and it gave me hope. I figure there is always room to change and grow.

[IrisBloom]

If you really open up and discover what is causing your issues, I think you can and will get much better. I don't know what your traumas are, but I have a lot of experience with emotional trauma, and through therapy, drugs, and time, I have learned to cope with the past pretty well. I hope you feel better soon.

Originally Posted by suzzie

my t told me that ive been shut down in so many ways for so long shes not sure if i can become unstuck. am i locked from the world forever.

Aww, suzzie ...

I don't think we are locked from the world forever, however, I do believe that there are some things that got broken in my childhood that simply can't be fixed.

I told my therapist I was coming to this realization and now we are working on how to accept this so I can move forward as best as possible.

It's very painful and I hate it, Simply hate it!

It's brought my grieving process to a whole other level, but this time I'm able to look it in the eye without it crushing me under it's weight like it did when I first started this journey 20 or so years ago.

You'll get there too, but it's going to take time and lots of patience, gentleness & kindness.

Here's another for good measure.

,
Pfrog!

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( suzzie )))))))))

[Open Eyes]

Suzzie, I watched a documentary on how when a person has a brain injury and has to learn how to talk and function all over again how therapies have been devised to help. One person could not seem to access the part of her brain for speech and how they helped her with that by accessing a part of her brain where she had retained music and songs with lyrics, she could not talk, but she found that she could sing songs. Isn't that amazing? So, they used songs to help as she slowly rewired her brain to being able to talk again and that was a lot of work for her.

You know what suzzie? When I suffered so much loss and developed PTSD, I got so I could not interact with my horses and even my farm, even my own family the way I had before. I would stand looking out the window and seeing my husband doing things, things I used to do and enjoy, and "nothing", it was "nothing" like I was suspended in no man's land. When you talked about a therapist trying to "push" you into yelling at an empty chair or some of the other things she wanted you to do and you went blank? I was like that too in my own environment. When you talked about how frustrated and angry that therapist was with you, I had that happen to me too and it only made me worse and I am so sorry that happened to you.

Well, what happened to me created more and more loss and put me into so much debt that I could not afford therapy at all. I grew worse and worse and began to pull back more and more and as I did that my family got more and more angry with me.

I got very bad and then I tried to look for help, maybe a support group and that is how I found PC. When I joined PC I had never done anything like it before, never interacted online that way before either, actually the most I had done with a computer is email back and forth with customers and sometimes look something up.

Well, with PC I was able to think and do something and interact where IRL I had been failing more and more at that. I did not even realize that when I posted and talked that often what came out was long and like a speeding train. I didn't even realize it until someone pointed it out to me. I was so bad IRL that when I came to PC what I was trying to do is "process" and read and post and read and post and just use my frontal lobe part of my brain that I could not seem to do IRL like I used to. Honestly, what helped me by coming to PC was that it was not anything like what I had been doing IRL that was so badly damaged to where I withdrew.

A lot of times I would read something and comment on it and I had never realized I had thought the way I was writing my thoughts. Oh, Idk, I guess it's like sitting down and drawing or painting something and being surprised at being able to actually do it.

Well, my point here is that because I was doing something a different way, I learned things about myself that I didn't realize before. I was not doing very well IRL at all, but I could interact and think at PC. I could also connect with "helping" others like I had done IRL, but could not seem to connect with IRL again as I had done, for example, teaching and training ponies, I could not do that, instead I would have flashbacks or disassociate and disconnect, it was not even a conscious decision at all, I would just go "blank".

What I am trying to say is that my brain was "injured" badly IRL and I was not doing well at all, but I found a different way to function and connect kind of like how that person who suffered a brain injury had to "sing in order to be able to talk".

When I joined PC and interacted, I was constantly having to "edit" because I often left out words and I would also repeat thoughts. It helped to be able to see it in writing too because it gave me a chance to notice how my brain was not really working very well too. Because I was doing so poorly IRL and people around me were mean to me about it, I had to take time and review whatever I had done the day before on PC. Who did I talk to, what did I say, was it ok? That is where I was for quite a while when I came to PC.

When I first joined PC I didn't know what "trigger" meant. Yet, I had been experiencing them constantly IRL. I had to study all my interactions too in order to see if I was responding and had been triggered. When I think back, I know I interacted "a lot" in PC, and honestly, I was desperately trying to figure out how to just "get my brain back IRL" and function better. It was weird because of how I could talk in PC, but failed and struggled and often shut down IRL.

My point here is that if a therapist isn't getting through, don't give up, you just need to try a different kind of therapy, something where you are doing something that you "can" do and work at that to get to whatever might "not" be working very well and is disconnecting. You know, people here at PC don't know that about me because I was so vocal, they didn't see what things were like for me IRL at all. They didn't get to see me staring out the window at my farm and all the things I used to do but just was completely disassociating from could not even verbalize it but I just shut down. I did not even know what disassociating was, I see it now, but I didn't have any idea back then. In many ways I had to do something "very different" to find my way to connecting, and it was a lot of work and people who know me at PC have no idea. And my family has no idea about how hard I had been working at it either. It was like there was suddenly a big hole in my brain that I could not seem to be or do and all I could do was function around the outside of it somehow because it just was "gone". It's the hardest thing I have had happen to me in my whole life, and impossible to explain to people. I still have a hole, but at least I understand what it means better, at least I can talk about it more. I do admit though, it is horrible when I talk about it and get invalidated or have someone tell me it isn't there.

So don't give up, you just need to be patient and look for other ways to "come out" more.

(((Hugs)))
OE

[suzzie]

thank you

[Violet Blue]

Hang in there suzzie! I too was frozen but was able to thaw out! There is hope.

Pfrog - I could've written your reply! That is me experience exactly!

[Patagonia]

Suzzie
I feel the same way & think my T has given up bec she told me this wk she can't do anything else for me. I'm so frozen & silent & she knows that. She can't do anything w/o my participation so she did t even ask me about another appt although I see her twice a wk. I guess she's just letting me go. I really have no direction now. I guess I've checked out from the living world Into my own world.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Open Eyes]

((Patagonia)),

Maybe try a different therapy, DBT for example which can give you some tools to work with. Some therapists actually learn different types of therapies to help a patient who is stuck. It sounds like your therapist has not done that and only relies on talk therapy and gets stuck when a patient stops talking and freezes.

Trauma can leave a hole and a person can be afraid of it, or not know how to get to it so often what works is working around that hole gradually until you can see some of the things that are "hurts" in it, that can be shared and validated with a therapist. A pushy and strong minded controlling therapist is "never" a good fit for someone struggling with PTSD. And that is especially true if the child in the patient had to deal with an abuser that was like that, that will only "increase" the desire to "shut down" without the PTSD patient even being aware that is what is taking place. A therapist who doesn't realize that and pushes harder when the patient shuts down is "bad" for a PTSD patient.

Patagonia, you have been disconnecting from "who you were", I noticed that when you stopped doing your art. Did you know a lot of people do that who have PTSD? A lot of that is an effort to get away from the person you were because that person got hurt. You were a strong person before you developed PTSD, but that strong person got hurt and you need to have a great deal of "trust" in a therapist to talk about all that, you need to know "it will be safe".

Can you identify what makes you feel "uncomfortable" about this therapist you have been seeing?

Did you ever feel this rejection coming with her?

Just something to think about that might help you pinpoint this better, often we hold back not knowing "why".

OE