[birdpumpkin]

I've not been properly diagnosed with PTSD but would say I definitely have it and have been trying to work on dealing with it. The worst symptom for me is the anxiety, so I've been digging into it and am discovering I have some abandonment issues, and the worst of my anxiety seems to be caused from separation anxiety. I was just wondering if anyone here has dealt with that with their PTSD. I suppose my losses from the past have been kind of buried, and after losing everything to our fire, I seem to have developed a bad separation anxiety, as if I'm afraid of losing my husband and son as well - or that they'll leave and never return (the abandonment thing coming into play). It's also caused me to severely fear being left on my own to fend for myself one day. It terrifies me. I never thought of it at all before our fire, nor did I worry so much when my husband went away. Actually, I relished being alone, looked forward to my son returning to school, and felt when my husband had to go back out, it was more time for me to read or whatever. Now it's not like that for me at all. My anxiety goes sky-high whenever my husband gets called to work after hours or on weekends - the abandonment gets tied in there with the separation because the longer he's away I start wondering if he'll return. My rational mind knows he will - he always did in the past, but still - that's where my mind goes. Also the longer he's away, the worse my anxiety gets. The same thing happens with my son when he goes somewhere with my parents. My dad took him fishing the other day, and I was almost full-on panic because he said he didn't know when they'd be back. My rational mind knows my dad will return him, but my PTSD/abandoned person starts to thinks "but what if..." As long as I'm given a time of return, I'm fine. I'm okay with my son at school. I know he'll be back 4:05. And during the day while my husband works he should be back the usual time. Has anyone else had to deal with this or anything similar after their trauma??

[bluekoi]

birdpumpkin, Do you have medication to take when your anxiety feels overwhelming? Have you talked with a therapist to give you guidance/tools to use when these intense feeling occur?

[SkyWhite]

I understand how you feel birdpumpkin. I'm not yet diagnosed but I'm sure I have complex ptsd. Your ptsd seems like it's from the recent trauma but the symptoms for both types can overlap, one of them being sep anxiety. I had that with my T. If I couldn't see him for a few weeks I'd almost snap with grief. I'd also think my husband was in an accident if he came home later than planned.

I good trauma therapist could do wonders for you and you could try to get meds that can calm you down.

[Teacake]

Think of it as a deeper sense of the importance of your connections with your loved ones.

[birdpumpkin]

Thanks everyone. I just began therapy - I don't think she's a trauma therapist. Just a counselor I think. I've only had one session so far, but she was stumped by my being so anxious whenever my husband had to leave. I was, too, but the longer I thought on it, this is what I came up with and looked it up, and what I read definitely seemed like me. A trauma can bring it about, so I'm sure that's what is happening. It has definitely made me realize how important my family is to me, that's for sure. Not something I'd considered much before, but now just want to keep them close by where I know what is going on with them.

[SkyWhite]

It's good you have someone to talk to at least. A good counselor can get the ball rolling and if you need more specialized care she can help you find it.
Hope it all works out.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

I've not been properly diagnosed with PTSD but would say I definitely have it and have been trying to work on dealing with it. The worst symptom for me is the anxiety, so I've been digging into it and am discovering I have some abandonment issues, and the worst of my anxiety seems to be caused from separation anxiety. I was just wondering if anyone here has dealt with that with their PTSD. I suppose my losses from the past have been kind of buried, and after losing everything to our fire, I seem to have developed a bad separation anxiety, as if I'm afraid of losing my husband and son as well - or that they'll leave and never return (the abandonment thing coming into play). It's also caused me to severely fear being left on my own to fend for myself one day. It terrifies me. I never thought of it at all before our fire, nor did I worry so much when my husband went away. Actually, I relished being alone, looked forward to my son returning to school, and felt when my husband had to go back out, it was more time for me to read or whatever. Now it's not like that for me at all. My anxiety goes sky-high whenever my husband gets called to work after hours or on weekends - the abandonment gets tied in there with the separation because the longer he's away I start wondering if he'll return. My rational mind knows he will - he always did in the past, but still - that's where my mind goes. Also the longer he's away, the worse my anxiety gets. The same thing happens with my son when he goes somewhere with my parents. My dad took him fishing the other day, and I was almost full-on panic because he said he didn't know when they'd be back. My rational mind knows my dad will return him, but my PTSD/abandoned person starts to thinks "but what if..." As long as I'm given a time of return, I'm fine. I'm okay with my son at school. I know he'll be back 4:05. And during the day while my husband works he should be back the usual time. Has anyone else had to deal with this or anything similar after their trauma??

I have had a lot of separation anxiety with my PTSD. I was diagnosed over 10 years ago. I know a lot of it comes from my parent's divorce and my dad leaving with I was 5, but like you, my family and I lost our home, too. The difference being we lost ours in the financial crisis in 2008. I was especially sad to read about your cats (in a different post) because at the time I had a dog, 2 cats, a hedgehog, and a blue-tongued skink (lizard) who were my babies and I had to give them all up. The dog I had to have put down because she had developed cancer and we had no money to have her treated.

Finally in 2010, my husband found work again, and we have been slowly putting our lives back together since then. I don't know if I will ever be able to have any more pets because of the trauma of losing them all at once like that. The first time my husband was late coming home from work at his new job, I had a full blown panic attack that scared my son so badly he called 911. The docs at the ER looked at me like I was nuts. They gave me a little blue pill and sent me home. At the time, because my PTSD was a pre-existing condition, I couldn't follow their recommendation to see a psychiatrist for several months. I actually got used to breathing into a paper bag every time I imagined someone I love being in some horrible accident or some other catastrophe. I am in treatment now with an awesome therapist and psychiatrist now, so it is much better, but I still get nervous when hubby comes home a few minutes late. At least now, if he's running late, he calls me as soon as he gets outside the plant (his phone doesn't work inside).

[birdpumpkin]

I'm so glad things have been coming together for you Werewoman. Slowly but surely, eh?? I'm terribly sorry you lost your pets, though. I know that had to be so hard to give them up. Back when I had my 10 cats I always feared someone would report me or something - even though it was just 10 - and complain about my animals, and they'd come in on me and make me choose 1 or 2 and take the rest away. There'd be no way I could've chosen. They were all so precious to me. I've always been an animal person and especially love cats. My son was even jealous of them I think. I've got 2 new cats now. I understand you not wanting any more animals. I think 2 are all I can handle right now as my PTSD causes me to get overwhelmed really easily, and just the thought of bringing in another cat right now to have to litter train raises my anxiety. I was reluctant with the second one, but he was a stray that had been here way over a year and thought I would try. It seems you're experiencing what I do. I'm okay if I'm told, "I'll be back at..." But an "I'll be back later" or just having to leave to work indefinitely on something gets to me really bad. I just started therapy but not sure my therapist is going to be much help. I think she's just a counselor. But I've been trying to find more info and, as usual, doing what I can myself. I use self-talk a lot and just try to calm myself down. I think I've been doing a tiny bit better but still have a long way to go.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

I'm so glad things have been coming together for you Werewoman. Slowly but surely, eh?? I'm terribly sorry you lost your pets, though. I know that had to be so hard to give them up. Back when I had my 10 cats I always feared someone would report me or something - even though it was just 10 - and complain about my animals, and they'd come in on me and make me choose 1 or 2 and take the rest away. There'd be no way I could've chosen. They were all so precious to me. I've always been an animal person and especially love cats. My son was even jealous of them I think. I've got 2 new cats now. I understand you not wanting any more animals. I think 2 are all I can handle right now as my PTSD causes me to get overwhelmed really easily, and just the thought of bringing in another cat right now to have to litter train raises my anxiety. I was reluctant with the second one, but he was a stray that had been here way over a year and thought I would try. It seems you're experiencing what I do. I'm okay if I'm told, "I'll be back at..." But an "I'll be back later" or just having to leave to work indefinitely on something gets to me really bad. I just started therapy but not sure my therapist is going to be much help. I think she's just a counselor. But I've been trying to find more info and, as usual, doing what I can myself. I use self-talk a lot and just try to calm myself down. I think I've been doing a tiny bit better but still have a long way to go.

Thanks! Okay, more like snails pace, but progress is progress. LOL! Some day I will get over the loss, but it's a moot point right now as my landlord does not allow pets. I did try doing a web search for skinks needing adoption, but couldn't find one. I thought maybe if I start small, I might just be okay.

A tragedy such as yours is not something you just get over. It takes time and if this therapist doesn't work out, keep trying to find one that does. Perseverance does pay off.

WW

[birdpumpkin]

Snail's pace indeed!! We still have so little furniture, for me so few clothes, etc. But I suppose we'll get stuff here and there eventually. Hard to do when you have virtually no money left for such things once the bills are paid and food bought each week. We stayed in a rental home for a few months after being with my parents for a month, and they asked $200 for each pet you brought in and $20 for each added to the monthly rent after that. The rent was already so high. That was impossible, so I had to do without until we got into our new home. First time in 25 years I'd not had a cat in my life. I still had my birds, and we didn't get charged for them. I think just dog or cat. I'm glad I saved my birds but just not the same as a cuddly cat sleeping with you in bed and the like. I really missed it a lot. I'm not sure we ever get over the loss totally. Before the fire, I still cried occasionally over cats I'd lost before, our goat we had to put down, etc. Of course now my most recent loss is in the forefront, and I find myself breaking down all the time at the memory of any one of them. Just figure this will be my life now. Having missing cats is similar to having missing children I think, so I'm always wondering about my 2 that are missing. Are they still alive or not?? Last winter was the worst in 30 years - did they make it through that?? If they're alive, where could they be now?? I finally gave up looking after 3 months because it hit me that any direction I looked in 360 degrees they could be, near or far. I did all I could. Now just pray constantly they'll return if they're still among the living. I watch for them. Yeah, maybe by starting with a small pet, that could help. Tell that to my family!! They all think I need to move on - to them it's done and forgotten about and they don't understand that I'm still struggling. My husband thinks PTSD is a joke and doesn't take anything I say about it seriously, so I have no support at all with any of them. Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure this therapy will work - since I'm charity care I may have to take what I can get. She seems very nice but a little dingy. I've only had one visit so will give her more time. Maybe just talking about things with her will help as she'll actually listen to me and at least realizes I've been through a ton of changes since this happened, the fire being one I actually couldn't have begun to prepare for. Even I hadn't thought of that, but like she said, even when people move they know and have time to prepare, and it's still like one of the largest life stressors even when you have time to deal with it. We'll see...