[shootingstaz]

I have had bi-polar disorder since who knows when....diagnosed at age 23......I have post tramatic stress syndrome since age 18.....The PTSD developed when i woke up one morning to my best friend on the floor from a heroin overdose. It is hard to talk about....and i won't get into details becuase I am new here and don't know what can be said.....but i am still unable to get over what she looked like and to this day am having the worst time with ....well everyone dying on me, i have a 31/2 year old son that i am constantly checking to see if he is breathing, as well as my boyfriend...and other others, i feel like if i get to be close friends with someone they are going to die on me too....I don't have any friends but one that i just met and i am starting to draw back from hanging out with her so much too. I don't know... I am looking for advice becuase my psychologist says we need to deal with my childhood before we move into that and I need to deal with this now, i have been dealing with my childhood my whole life, this is only 5 years now in April.

</font color=purple> All I can do is try becuase there is no reason to hope. </font color=orange> Learn from your expierences and teach others whta you learned....it may help them when they think there is no help left.

[cocoa]

Hi shootingstaz, I can relate greatly with your problems. Ive been right where you are now.
I have bipolar and was dignossed at age 24. In 1998 I had a bad car accident where the car crashed of the road on a lake upside down and my fiency died on my lap. The car rolled over his head. I held him in my arms for 45 min. untill they got me out. By the way , the lake was frozen. I was dignossed with PTSD two years latter and had quit a hard time coping. Long story short, I made it through with 2 years of intence therapy and you can too. Life is what you make it and you have to take the bull by the horns get help. You will make it.
AS far as everyone dying on you, it just feels that way hon and you need to take it day by day and look for the brighter side of things. I know that is hard to do but I'm living proff that it can be done with lots of hard work.
Good luck, cocoa :-))

[Peanut61]

Hi ShootingStarz, and welcome. I usually don't post here, but if you want to, why don't you post in the general section as well so that more people will see you and welcome you aboard.

I have had a number of 'traumatic deaths' occur as well, (my Mom by suicide for example), so I really do hear what you are saying.

I hope that you can find some short-term psychotherapy or ptsd counseling as opposed, (what sounds like), psychoanalysis - I don't think it's that productive for this to delve 1st into childhood either, but I'm not a Dr. so - just my opinion.

Sending you positive energy. Regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>