[SkyWhite]

My last session is Dec 1 and I've been recently assessing what was accomplished and I don't feel any real progress was made towards my recovery. I feel worse now then when I started therapy, because now I have to deal with c-ptsd that started in January. I started my therapy by getting suicidal and ending up in the hospital for 2 weeks. That was last November. In January, I started presenting with c-ptsd and had severe attachment issues and separation anxiety with my T. The sep anxiety was somewhat dealt with in the spring because I started to trust my T a little more.

Since November 2013, I've had: 3 visits to the mental health crisis center, one hospital stay for a near suicide attempt, experienced emotional torture from abandonment issues with T, started experiencing flashbacks, etc. from c-ptsd, unrelenting depression and three 5-day stays in a MH respite center. I started to remember the horrible things my mother did to me when I was home alone with her until I was five and only recently remembered I was molested by a friend's relative when I was six. I don't have the strength to deal with the sexual abuse. Basically, we've spent the whole year trying to get me stable and adjusting my meds. The drugs are now keeping my head above water but that's it. Seems like once my T saw the meds were kicking in, he took that opportunity to end our sessions.

I'm still depressed and I'm hurt my T had to pull the plug. I don't think much can be accomplished in 5 more sessions. Since telling me it's over, my flashbacks, memories, etc. have stopped because I don't feel safe with him anymore. I'm only going to the last few sessions because I still have trouble being away from my T, which means the separation anxiety is still there but just not as bad. I'm still depressed, not sleeping great, have anxiety, and on the verge of tears as I type this. I have no motivation to do anything I used to enjoy. I tried forcing myself but that makes me even more frustrated. I also still can't work because I'm too messed up and don't want to be around people. I have one friend I talk to now and then, but don't burden her much. Other than that, I have nobody but my husband to lean on and he can only take so much, so I 've backed off. I basically had only my T to talk to.

I did everything I could to get myself better. I researched my problems. Used this forum. I learned CBT and DBT. I used my treadmill daily (no motivation to do that anymore). I was able to keep my marriage from falling apart

I feel emotionally and mentally exhausted. Deep down I feel this is not going to end well.

[Bluegrey]

So sorry to hear this, ((SkyWhite)).

I don't know how things work in Canada in terms of medical care - is there not something else you can go on to?

We will still be here, so you won't be trying to manage totally alone. I can understand this is very stressful and it must feel terrifying - I would have thought your T would be suggesting a way forward for you.

I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say but please hang on as best you can.


Bluegrey

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Bluegrey

So sorry to hear this, ((SkyWhite)).

I don't know how things work in Canada in terms of medical care - is there not something else you can go on to?
I would have thought your T would be suggesting a way forward for you.

I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say but please hang on as best you can.


Bluegrey

Thanks Bluegrey. Canada's mental health system is a shambles. I've been going through this broken system for years and falling through the cracks at every turn.

I was only allowed 6 sessions, but my T extended that for as long as he could to get me stable. He suggested some 5 week band-aid program that gets 400 referrals a year and only accommodates the worst 15 of those. So my odds are slim to known getting into that. I'm surviving because I have good partner and a good intellect. If I were single and we had American gun laws, I don't think I would have made it this far.

I have no money or insurance for further help. You may get help if you're severely suicidal but that's not guaranteed. I was sent home suicidal a couple of times. I don't think I'll ever kill myself, but I don't want to live in pain for the rest of my life either.

[Open Eyes]

((Skywhite)),

I am so sorry to hear all this, a person struggling with PTSD/complex PTSD should get whatever help they need because one can learn to manage it better. I can't blame you for needing your T and becoming very stressed/panicked not having that helpful support. Are there any support groups you can at least join? I have heard some talk about gaining comfort in support groups.

Another idea I just had is that PC sometimes helps someone who is in need. I don't know very much about it tbh, but you could ask. It would be nice if you could have some way of finding a therapist you can see for a bit so you can get on your feet more.

I don't know what I would have done without my therapist, I was horrible for a while and so lost and I just did not know what to do. There are things I went through that I just could not be alone with.

I think that system is terrible if a person has to be suicidal to get help.

Skywhite, you have us here, don't forget that, I know it's not an "in person" thing, but we are real people that know the challenge.

(((Gentle Caring Hugs)))
OE

[MotownJohnny]

I'm sorry to hear the Canadian system is such a mess - I thought only Americans screwed things up that badly.