[SingDanceRunLife]

I made a mistake today.

A few weeks ago, a family from church asked me if I would want to go down to Penn State today for a football game to watch their 3 year old daughter if/when she didn't want to sit in the stands. I love this family and the girl, plus they were paying me $100 for the day, so I said yes...and I wish I hadn't.

Being in a college football stadium and watching the game made me extremely stressed and anxious. All I could think about was an ex boyfriend who played college football, and was sexually abusive to me. The last time I was in a college stadium was when I was with him and watching him practice.

It was so bad that I was so overwhelmed I almost started crying multiple times, and texted my T as well. And to make matters worse, once when I was out, taking the girl to the bathroom, I had a guy come up to me and touch me and say "hey girl."

Needless to say, especially since I have been up since 5:30 this morning, I'm not doing too well, and I'm not planning on going back to another college football game ever -- good thing I don't even like football!!

[SingDanceRunLife]

Today wasn't much better My anxiety is still up and probably because even though I was exhausted last night, it took me forever to fall asleep. I guess I know what I'll be talking about in T this week.

[Open Eyes]

((SingDanceRunLife)),

When a trigger like this takes place, it doesn't have to mean something bad, even though it was a challenge and is still now. It brought forward something that challenged you, and how you felt about it too, something you need to finally process. It's good that you wrote it down, even how you are doing today as well, the more you do that the more you will have to talk over with your T and get to work on finding a resolve.

I know these challenges are inconvenient and painful, and even though it was a challenge, you did it and got through it, which is proving that you "can" return to a reminder and get through it. I know it was a challenge and you are exhausted from it, even now. Healing is hard work, good for you that you at least tried.

((Caring Hugs))
OE

[SingDanceRunLife]

I honestly didn't think anything of it until I was actually in the stadium. It's been 2 years since I was with my ex and I had no idea that I was going to be triggered. I also had absolutely no choice about being there once we got there because the parents drove down so I had to be there until it was time to leave.

[mimsies]

You made it through! Great job! You were brave and strong and did it! Now, take care of yourself and recover. Chocolate may be in order... maybe even hot chocolate with marshmallows or whipped cream.

I think I would avoid stadiums too if I had a similar experience.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I'm trying to recover, but it's gonna take a good chunk of time. It was a really bad experience

[Open Eyes]

It just reminded you of something you need to work through that you hadn't. You can finally work through it to where you finally process it with resolve now.

[SingDanceRunLife]

The bigger issue is I keep having these triggers come unexpectedly. About a month and a half ago, I had a guy on the street grab me. As long as these things keep happening, I won't be able to move very far forward.

[CosmicRose]

Random people are not supposed to reach out and physically touch you. I've been catcalled more times than I can count, but I've never had a man physically grab me on the street because that's grounds for assault and my reflex would probably be something along the lines of throwing a punch. Carry pepper spray with you in your purse for peace of mind. Next time someone randomly touches you, say please don't do that, and walk away.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I do carry pepper spray. Always. And I have taken some self defense as well too. I walk away, but it is still terrifying when someone grabs you!

[Open Eyes]

Yes, it is definitely terrifying when a stranger grabs you. So sorry that happened.

((Hugs))

[SingDanceRunLife]

Yeah...always makes me scared to walk alone in public. I just hope I can get over this hump sooner rather than later. It's good I live where I do -- next to the fire station and a block away from the police!! Can't be much safer than my neighborhood!!

[Leila Clouds]

It is terrifying and they have no right - if you use that self defense you have learned you are doing nothing wrong - and there was no use in taking the class if you don't use it - you don't have to do permanent damage to the guy but you could make him think twice before he 'grabs' someone else on the street - and make yourself feel more empowered that you DON"T have to take it! Peace!