[RavensPOE]

I am wondering if anyone else has similar, emotional struggles with their PTSD when it comes to the arena of dating?

I haven't been on a date in a decade.
I was raped by a male physician from ages 3-10 years old.
When I was thirteen years old--I began having Holocaust nightmares.
They have continued for over 30 years. In many of them I am being
raped by Third Reich officers as a young teenager. Or, am watching
them do this to others.

After my 2nd marriage failed a decade ago--I never went on a date again after I got divorced. Every time I try to be with someone in an intimate relationship--I end up having flashbacks of being raped. They turn into the male physician or the Third Reich officer. It isn't their fault. However, when this happens--I end the relationship. I don't want to be with them any longer.

I have spent the majority of my life (when asleep) trying to survive the Holocaust. It has impacted my life so much--that I am actually traveling to Israel this year for a Master's Degree in Holocaust Education.

My therapist said--that in order for me to have a healthy relationship with another--that they need to attend therapy sessions with me to better understand my PTSD.

THIS is where I crumble.
Does anyone else feel this way?
I feel like I simply have TOO MUCH baggage.

If I were the opposite sex-looking for someone to date?
I would NOT date me!

--Who wants to meet someone new--and then be told their partner is so messed up-- that they need to attend therapy sessions with them-- to better understand why...

It saddens me so much to know that there are predators out there who rape little girls. I was one of their victims. But, I am being honest when I say--that experience of getting raped for 7 years as a child? It just destroyed any average aspect of me being intimate with anyone ever--in any normal sort of way.

It overwhelms me. And, to dump all of that baggage onto someone else--in the form of my PTSD? It's heart breaking.
I don't feel like I have the emotional, mental or physical skills that are required to maintain a relationship. I get very lonely. But, I don't have any "normal point" in my life to revert back to. I was 3 years old when it began. And, it's my first, full memory.

Does anyone else feel like there is just too much emotional baggage that is attached to their PTSD?

[kaliope]

OMG..........i havent dated in so long i have lost count of the years.........

if you go back in my statistics you can read the "psycho" letter i just wrote to my dr's office after flipping out this week cause the ptsd isnt limited to relationships. my t says it isnt psycho. but the dr wanted me to get procedures and i mentioned my trauma history so he backed off but his office called repeatedly to schedule. i went off the deep end. i wanted to educate that a woman that has been repeatedly raped doesnt jump at the idea of being drugged up powerless to have things ...well i dont want to trigger you...you get the idea....im worried now that im going to have a manic episode i am so upset from all the pressure.

so i fully understand. i think i have accepted that i am going to spend the rest of my life alone.

[RavensPOE]

Originally Posted by kaliope

OMG..........i havent dated in so long i have lost count of the years.........

if you go back in my statistics you can read the "psycho" letter i just wrote to my dr's office after flipping out this week cause the ptsd isnt limited to relationships. my t says it isnt psycho. but the dr wanted me to get procedures and i mentioned my trauma history so he backed off but his office called repeatedly to schedule. i went off the deep end. i wanted to educate that a woman that has been repeatedly raped doesnt jump at the idea of being drugged up powerless to have things ...well i dont want to trigger you...you get the idea....im worried now that im going to have a manic episode i am so upset from all the pressure.

so i fully understand. i think i have accepted that i am going to spend the rest of my life alone.

I think the majority of the people working in the industry
simply show up for a paycheck.

After being molested and raped by a male doctor
the majority of my childhood...I think men who are gynecologists
or physicians to young girls are perverts.
How can they not be?

Also, men who are looking to be in a relationship
do not want to be with an abused woman.

As a Professor of Art I have always tried
to find the beauty in nature. Otherwise,
I think the depression would have done me
in years ago...