My puppy triggers me

I feel awful about this. It 's not a continuous thing but there are certain things she does that causes me panic. Like when she tries to kiss my face, or jumps, or barks. That's all puppy stuff and I can't blame her but when she does these things it's like my whole body fills with panic. I'm glad that she's actually my parents' dog and that I'll be moving out sometime in the 10 months but I still feel awful because I also really love her. I'm still not entirely sure what memory it is that she triggers, it feels like a childhood one. When it happens it's like an emotional/physical flashback but the actual memory is just out of reach. Like when you can't think of a word but it's on the tip of your tongue. That's what my puppy stirs in me. It's kind of sad because I was really excited when we got her and we originally bonded really fast but now it's very hard on me.

It's understandable that this puppy is triggering you, don't self blame about it. When someone struggles with PTSD, they struggle with being patient and can get overwhelmed quickly. A puppy will tend to get in one's face as it gets older and a puppy doesn't understand boundaries when they are in this stage. I think this is what is triggering you the most is simply the puppy not being calm and understanding your boundaries.

omg. my close friends just bought a puppy and i thought i was going crazy for having the same reactions you are describing when i'm around her. just wanted to say you aren't alone.

I'm glad I'm not alone. I know it's just puppy stuff and she'll eventually grow out of it but it's really hard. Especially this week since my folks are out of town and I'm taking care of her. She has more energy then I can handle. Especially since I work full time so when I get home she's so starved for attention she's jumping all over me and barking. I just want to lock her outside while I curl up inside. I haven't because that's not right but I really, really want to.

The triggers make me anxious and anxiety makes me me snowball out of control. Like will I ever be handle a puppy? If I can't handle a puppy will I ever be able to handle having a kid? Oh my gosh, a baby is more needy than a puppy. What if I can't bond with the kid? What if my anxiety makes me so crazy I hurt the kid? I know this isn't helpful, I know these are worst case scenarios, and I know I shouldn't be freaking out about a hypothetical kid but I can't shut it off. I suppose this is just the part of PTSD that makes the future seem utterly hopeless.