Hanging in there by my finger nails

I wrote an earlier post that my therapist J went on vacation for a week and half. I have my first appointment back tomorrow at 3pm. I marched through most of the week and a half great. I went in a mini vacation to see out of town family. But things have been steadily getting worse over the weekend. I am anxious and having repetitive thoughts about what is most important to cover tomorrow. I feel jittery and can't focus well on my grad school course work. This is bad because it is extremely detail oriented. I feel kinda desperate for it to be tomorrow at 3pm. I know she is back in the office today, but I don't need to call. I am not in crisis or anything. I just feel uncomfortable, very uncomfortable.

try and distract yourself - keep busy all the time - I have the tv on and read and also play games on my phone - bits of each - so I can try to over ride the voices that say what if and how come and OMG!!!

Tomorrow will come - damn i know how this feels - its so hard to deal with - all i can do is send hugs and say distract! distract! distract! write, paint, go for a walk - cook somthing ...

good luck and many hugs if ok

P7

Hugs are great. Thank you!

the here are somemore for you

Thank you phoenix7 !! I really appreciate it.
Well I made it. I am parked outside her office. Appointment in 30 minutes.

I went to a local antique store for a couple hours around noon today. That really helped. I love looking at fun antiques. There are always tons of stuff. Always scary when they are from my own childhood. An electric Simon says game?They also had a "vintage" school desk that I swear I sat in at elementary school. I seriously am not that old.
Anyway, I enjoyed it. I got some beautiful real vintage scarves quite inexpensive.

Ok so under 30 min now to appointment.

Thanks again
DW

By now you've had your appointment and I am hoping that all went well and that you are feeling much better. Best wishes and lots of hugs.

Thanks. Actually it ended up being very intense and painful. Basically we ended up discussing and starting to deal with some issues I have a lot of difficulty with. Namely social interactions. I pretty much suck at real life social interactions and relationships. (My evaluation, not my therapist's.)
My PTSD and extensive history of abuse makes it insanely difficult for me to make reasonable assumptions and have normal interactions with anyone except casually. Sigh. It has to be dealt with. It's freakin hard and painful. I like her, because we tackle the big, scary issues. Still this is a particularly big, scary one.