[leomama]

I'm trying not to let her this time. She reminded me of my childhood dream of becoming an oceanographer. The problem was I had undiagnosed learning disabilities that affected my ability to get good grades in science. When I got my first D in science in 7th grade my parents did nothing to help me. It wasn't until after I got my AA degree in child development that I had the opportunity to find out . The emotional pain I feel is a level 10 when I recognize that my parents failed me, abandoned and neglected me. They either blame me for my PTSD or accuse me of fabricating it. I was a gifted and talented student, identified as a mental gifted minor in kindergarten , skipped the first grade. When I try to talk to my parents about my learning disability they accuse me of dwelling in the past yet they shame me for not having a high powered career. When an intimate friend tried to tell my father about my PTSD my mother brutally verbally attacked me. To complicate things my father forced me into a probate case because he was such a bad son his share of his inheritance went to his sisters. My mother thinks she can make it up to me by my making me fight for what once was my father's . My waking life is a nightmare . My mother can't deal with my teenage daughter either and my father ignores her . My parents complete dismiss parenthood despite the fact I devoted my education and career to child development . The anger I feel has crystallized .

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[1976kitchenfloor]

Hello. It sounds like you ahve toxic parents. No matter how much you want them to change, they will not change. They are who they are and they arent very nice people.
Yes, it appears that they have in fact failed you as parents. Thing is, they dont want to hear or think about that. They are more than likely wrapped up completely in themselves and what makes them feel good. On the other hand, they make you feel like crap. They blame everything bad on you and dont want to be educated or know about anything or any other way of seeing things.

Time to let go of this and go on with your life. Why expose yourself to this constant rejection and hurt? They will never get it. There isnt anything wrong with you. They are the ones with the problem-- and they will continue to make your life miserable and they will continue to disppoint you as long as you are there as their personal pincushion.

It is what it is and you would likely be happier and better off if you stayed away from them and take care of yourself and your won family and make your life as full and wonderful as possible. You are not emotionally crippled and toxic like them.

Stop now.
Think about what you have accomplsihed in spite of them. Give yourself credit for the kind of work you do and how you care about and help and treat children in way that your parents were never and are not capable of doing. You are a giver, kiddo.
The givers of the world make it better for everyone. Your kindness and caring is a gift you share naturally because of the kind of person you are. Your parents will never appreciate this. They will never see you as the good and accomplished person you are.

You are more grown up and together than your parents will ever be. Yes, you have anger and greif and regrets and a righteous sense of loss and rejection because your
parents are not who you need and want them to be, but they just dont get it and they dont get you. You on the other hand, need to amke the ahrd choice of taking care of your needs first-even if it means you have to stay away from these people.

Sometimes leaving family and moving on to live life on our own terms is the only way we can be free to work with our righteous anger in a healthy way and go on to be happy and secure in who we are living the values that are truly important to us.

Take care.

[cinnamonstick]

I agree with 1976kitchenfloor who said everything so succinctly. You are lovely and soulful, seek out those who are like you. Surround yourself with as much positivity as you can.
You do not need any validation from negative and harmful people. Be proud of how who you are now despite the sad circumstances, you really did overcome a lot.

Before my traumatic event, I worked with children, and it is such an amazing opportunity for you to instill in them all of the beauty in life. If you ever need ideas or lesson plans, I am a great resource. I had my own
"liberal arts" school that focused on the 7 types of intelligence (Gardener)

[phoenix7]

I don't think they will ever see what happened - they attack you to take the blame off of themselves and as has been stated seem to me to be toxic

DO you love what you do? if so focus on that - and all the positives there are in your life - if they don't accept your daughter don't accept them - you may need to distance yourself from them - but yes I know how hard that is to do

My father was toxic for many reasons - but I ended up the only one he had that would talk to him when he got sick and eventually passed - so I know its hard to let go even when you know they are wrong for your health and your mental state

please remember this - their problems are their problems - don't let them be yours - don't let their anger and hurt affect you if at all possible - its enough to be you -

[leomama]

I left at 18 and blocked my mother in my iPhone. Sorry I left that part out. She sent me a card with a check.

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[leomama]

I can't work in CDEV anymore because of my PTSD but thank you . I don't need a lesson plan, I need a new career.

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[leomama]

I'm not working right now because of my PTSD that was the whole point of my post. I have tried to rehabilitate twice now but single parenthood has interfered . I'm going to attempt a third time this summer or fall.

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[phoenix7]

I really glad you are free of her - have you blocked your father too? or have things gotten better for you with him? - and IM sorry you cant work in your chosen field of work at the moment - maybe that will change in time or maybe you will find something else that you enjoy in time - gee I hate that word - time - heard it a lot - symptoms get better in time - pain eases in time etc etc....rambling again arnt I lol sorry

so its the card with the check triggering you? I can understand how that would bring back memories of your time at home - are you able to work at the moment? or are you getting treatment? its hard going through this without a THerapist to help - I had a really good one - now I don't - but I try to remember all he told me

Is there something else you are thinking of doing? workwise?

[leomama]

The card was for Money my mother caused me to lose. I've been independent for 2 decades . I've had 8+ years of therapy. I take medication and have a np. I'm not able to work at the moment due to single parenthood but I'm going to try to train again for a new job this fall.

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[phoenix7]

well then im glad she paid you back - at least that's something - you seem to be doing a great job of getting through this - im glad you had help and I wish you lots of luck in the fall when you try to retrain

[leomama]

She didn't pay me back, she caused me to lose part of my monthly income and is only covering it through August and then I'm on my own.

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[cincidak]

I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through, my prayers are with you

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[leomama]

Originally Posted by cincidak

I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through, my prayers are with you

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Thank you, I am still in pain. My bike got stolen and I told my mother. She accused me of hostility and sibling rivalry when I told her she bought my nephew a bike. She shamed me for having a low income and I pointed out to her she bought a bike for my nephew. My brother is not low income. I blocked her again on my iPhone. She complains about not having a smart phone when the cheapest one starts at $40. I can't quantify the emotion I feel towards her. Even my daughters friend told me to cut her off. I sent my mother a picture of my documents of my learning disability and she claimed she couldn't see it so I emailed it. She ignored my email.

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[avlady]

i am sorry for your situation and that's great about trying again. taking meds isn't so bad in fact although some people might not like me saying it but they do help alot.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by avlady

i am sorry for your situation and that's great about trying again. taking meds isn't so bad in fact although some people might not like me saying it but they do help alot.

I've been taking medication for my ptsd for a decade. I'm
Not sure what the anti-medication bias is all about. I'm going to try again because my daughter is having her tonsils removed so she won't get sick . It's not my PTSD that's getting in the way of me working, it's the lack of family support. The PTSD is a separate issue. I connected up with the DOR as soon as I got diagnosed. The PTSD coupled with single parenthood is the problem.

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[1976kitchenfloor]

Wishing you some peace and hope. Be gentle and patient with yourself. With therapy, you are going through a healing process and while its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, you will come out the other side stronger for this.
Take care.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Wishing you some peace and hope. Be gentle and patient with yourself. With therapy, you are going through a healing process and while its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, you will come out the other side stronger for this.

Take care.

Hi. I'm not in therapy, I've had almost a decade of therapy since my diagnosis. I'm not reaching out to my mom right now.

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