[Irisheyes_80]

I was in a car accident 22 years ago and have not been able to drive since, I also have a hard time even being a passenger still.
Last year I was finally diagnosed with PTSD.

My issue is that nobody I know seems to understand why I have such a hard time with this. They just tell me to get behind the wheel and drive, I have to do it to conquer my fear. I wish it were that simple....I have tried that approach and end up having a panic attack and meltdown.

My kids are to the age now where they want to be involved in extracurricular activities outside of school and sometimes they can't because I have no way to get them there. I feel horrible.

My sons therapist keeps telling me every time I see her that because of my inability to drive it is really affecting my son. I know that, and it's devastating to me. I feel like everyone is pushing me.
I don't know what to do?

Originally Posted by Irisheyes_80

I was in a car accident 22 years ago and have not been able to drive since, I also have a hard time even being a passenger still.
Last year I was finally diagnosed with PTSD.

My issue is that nobody I know seems to understand why I have such a hard time with this. They just tell me to get behind the wheel and drive, I have to do it to conquer my fear. I wish it were that simple....I have tried that approach and end up having a panic attack and meltdown.

My kids are to the age now where they want to be involved in extracurricular activities outside of school and sometimes they can't because I have no way to get them there. I feel horrible.

My sons therapist keeps telling me every time I see her that because of my inability to drive it is really affecting my son. I know that, and it's devastating to me. I feel like everyone is pushing me.
I don't know what to do?

Don't beat yourself up about extracurriculars. They are prefaced with "extra" for a reason. They are something you don't need to do but society says you do and even tells kids that if you aren't doing it, you're a bad parent. These activities are manufactured and throughout history they were not required to be a good human or parent. Might they be fun or educational? Sure, but if you are beating yourself up about not being able, it's not adding anything extra to your life and your kids respond to your stress so it's not adding to theirs either.

I have had automobile phobia since childhood so I can relate. Usually, if I'm driving or someone I really trust is driving I'm ok but sometimes I'm not and cannot be in a car PERIOD. Some people do not understand this including myself sometimes. I take medication and now I'm sure I will erroneously be charged with DUI so driving myself which used to be preferable to being driven is a struggle mentally most of the time. Some consider my fear paranoia but I consider it practical.

Exposure helps but from my experience it only helps when you are in the right place for it to help. I wish society wasn't built around the expectations of being in death machines, but it is. We didn't make these decisions but we do need to learn to live with the expectations thrust upon us. I'd like to say that therapy could help but I've yet to find a helpful therapist. Many people do though so it's not an impossible feat. I think that might be key for you. It's trauma so you need help processing it to improve? I think so. What do you think?

[Irisheyes_80]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Don't beat yourself up about extracurriculars. They are prefaced with "extra" for a reason. They are something you don't need to do but society says you do and even tells kids that if you aren't doing it, you're a bad parent. These activities are manufactured and throughout history they were not required to be a good human or parent. Might they be fun or educational? Sure, but if you are beating yourself up about not being able, it's not adding anything extra to your life and your kids respond to your stress so it's not adding to theirs either.

I have had automobile phobia since childhood so I can relate. Usually, if I'm driving or someone I really trust is driving I'm ok but sometimes I'm not and cannot be in a car PERIOD. Some people do not understand this including myself sometimes. I take medication and now I'm sure I will erroneously be charged with DUI so driving myself which used to be preferable to being driven is a struggle mentally most of the time. Some consider my fear paranoia but I consider it practical.

Exposure helps but from my experience it only helps when you are in the right place for it to help. I wish society wasn't built around the expectations of being in death machines, but it is. We didn't make these decisions but we do need to learn to live with the expectations thrust upon us. I'd like to say that therapy could help but I've yet to find a helpful therapist. Many people do though so it's not an impossible feat. I think that might be key for you. It's trauma so you need help processing it to improve? I think so. What do you think?

Thank you so much, just knowing that someone understands where I'm coming from with this makes me feel tremendously comforted.

I think you're right. I do see a Therapist but we don't address the PTSD much. Perhaps finding one that specializes in PTSD would be a good choice. I want to drive eventually, I just feel that I'm not ready yet. So the want for it is there, I just have to find a way to get to that point.

I understand what you mean about the extracurriculars and agree, it just hurts me to see the kids so disappointed.

I understand what you go through,and it's frustrating when people think you can just get over it if you try hard enough.

My T gave me this book,it might be worth checking out.I also think you need to talk to your T about it so you can begin working through your fears.Any therapist should be able to help you with that,but if yours can't then being refferred to someone who can would be in your best interest.

https://www.amazon.com/Prolonged-Exp.../dp/0195308506

I totally understand the guilt and wanting more for your kids....knowing they deserve the best and feeling you fall short. But just to reassure you, if your kids grow up and the worst they can say is "mom didn't take us to extracurriculars" you know you did a very good job and provided your kids with a good life. Don't let the guilt consume you because it will become a self perpetuating cycle. I speak from experience. (((Hugs)))

[rockabyebaby]

I've recently started EMDR for processing my trauma from a car accident 15 years ago. I can't drive when it rains or snows. I feel guilty whenever I have to ask for a ride just to see my T. I don't know if EMDR is something you're interested in, but it has been helpful for me.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm in a similar situation. I haven't driven in about three years. I need to drive but when I get behind the wheel, I end up spacing out.

[gr8ful B]

Originally Posted by Irisheyes_80

Thank you so much, just knowing that someone understands where I'm coming from with this makes me feel tremendously comforted.

I think you're right. I do see a Therapist but we don't address the PTSD much. Perhaps finding one that specializes in PTSD would be a good choice. I want to drive eventually, I just feel that I'm not ready yet. So the want for it is there, I just have to find a way to get to that point.

I understand what you mean about the extracurriculars and agree, it just hurts me to see the kids so disappointed.

It's hard getting over it. I think finding someone whose specialty is PTSD is a great idea. Mine is from an accident as well. Due to my living situation HAD to force myself to drive. However, I won't drive others or if it's raining. What makes it even more difficult, is the lack of understanding from family and friends.