PTSD
What it means to me. It means walking into the grocery store and
seeing OJ on sale. Can make my stand still, for moments. It makes me
see them. Makes me leave the store in a rush, tears running down face.
Hearing a song.......sometimes time stands still. Untill i shake it
off.
Just when i think its better or gone, it rears its ugly head.
Someone may have lost thier loved one and I just stop still. I can see
everything pass before me in fast motion. The hurt is so deep inside.
I hide it so well. No one understands.
No one knows the pain, the memories, they seem so there when it comes back.
To cope I go inside of me. Its safe there. No one can hurt me
there. Sure thats where the meriores hide too, But its just to painful
to think or give them away.
I am, when it comes back, sitting at thier sides. Hopeing ,
praying, the noise will stop, but if it stops they will be gone. I can
see thier eyes, I can hear the last breath leaving, and in the distant
i hear me crying.........
I can always hear my fathers last words............forever in my
head............
Most of all i see thier faces.............as they are
leaving..........leaving me for good...

I tryed to explain it to someone this weekend they thought I could not look at orange juice.LOL
The whole thing makes me hide..........it makes my insides hurt..........because i am real good at covering it............except here..................ty for listening I am sure you are tired of hearing it...............I am...........
I want it gone, i want it gone...........I so want it gone

[(JD)]

Some amount of hiding is ok (((muff)))

It's better to hide once in a while rather than retraumatize yourself by pushing too much. IMO

I have issues with shelters... tarps, large tents, canvas or tin... and I don't think anyone notices but I won't go in under one if I can stand just outside it to talk or see. I am always aware and somewhat leery if I have to go in under one. Just one of my triggers. It's a huge safety issue for me that only my T and you guys here understand. To someone else it's rather petty. Oh well.

[obsids]

Sometimes it is indeed easier to hide or run. And that is okay. Sometimes you have to do what you need to do to feel safe.

I've got a lot of weird triggers. I've stopped hoping that anyone will understand.

When you get triggered, step back, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are okay. Easy to say, hard to do. Avoidance, distraction, self-reassurance... those are all tools to coping.

And if it's any consolation, I hide too, sometimes. When I get overwhelmed, I crawl under my rock (emotionally) and withdraw. People don't understand. They think I am being overly dramatic or wallowing in pain that I should just "get over." You don't just "get over" PTSD.

*hugs*

((((sky))))) ty I totally understand

((((obsids))) ty too, hiding is what i do best when having a issue i call it. LOL
I work and work and sometimes just stare out the window.
Your both right nobody really gets it IRl.

I will hope with all my heart it gets better for the both of you.
and everyone in this section......................