I just burst into tears whilst having dinner tonight in front of everyone. How humiliating. I wanted my hubby to come upstairs and just hold me but he didn't. Do I have to ask each time, he knew I was upset, is it wrong of me to expect this? Rugby is obviously far more important. My daughter came upstairs. My daughters friend hugged me and she is having pros with her mum and reminds me of my relationship with my mum, it was a small trigger, not her fault at all, just really upset me.

I have read about abuse and abusers today from my daughter who is reading a Boy called It which is helping her to understand me, he went through much much worse than me but it all triggers. Dani my daughter keeps telling her b/f clips from the book and I asked her not to, now she is quoting good and positive pieces from the book.

I need my mountains, my solitude, peace, oh my, peace.......

I will take 3 sleeping tablets today I think and just sleep sleep sleep

Jin xoxoxoxo

so sorry jinny that you are having a rough time right now.

This may sound dumb to some people-- but I'm trying to learn to put words with my past and my feelings. It helped me, though it was VERY difficult, to read "A child called it" and the 2nd book "The lost boy" and then the final book-- "A man named Dave". Those books have helped me to find words that I couldn't before. I still don't talk much about my childhood, as it's so extremely hard for me-- but thanks to books and the bravery of people like Dave Pelzer, I'm learning a lot about moving forward. He's given me hope. Sure there are upsetting events in his books (as I cried and struggled to read on-- but knew it was to my betterment to do so..)... and I'd be right back in my childhood... but somehow, it helped me to see I'm not alone and that there is some reprieve.

I think for some-- the path to healing is straight through the feeling. Feel those feelings, learn why you have them and validate them, even if no one else will be there in person with you-- you can be your own best friend....... and --we are here too, post all you need to or you can also PM.

I hope you get some mountains, solitude and peace.

I understand the sleeping pill relationship..... taking them as husband staggers into the room in his intoxicated state--- they help ease the upset of feeling that I'm not very important.

thinking of you jinny-

mandy ps-- sorry, not been posting much lately, so busy, which causes stress, which causes clouded commotion in my head.

I do miss you Mandy, thankyou for replying, I will read all of those books when I am ready, just cant right now, I know he is such an inspiration to so many,,,,,I HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON.....

this is the wrong time in my life to have depression I know we cant chose it, but my daughter and huby are not getting on at all, my husband is very unreasonable at times and a bit controlling, I find sometimes again I just want out. I think this situation at home makes me worse sometimes, but that's what being a mother and wife is.......

oh i just dont know......I'm sooooo tired.

take care of you, speak soon, Love you and I have missed you so much

love, Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxxo

oh dear jinny, I so much understand about family dynamics and upset. believe me! I'm sorry you are experiencing similar.

Last night-- son blew out two tires on his car-- misjudged the curb and hit it..... husband yelled on the phone at son, then son hung up on him..... yea, family upset.

It's so hard to have people you care about at odds with each other.

Yes, I think the situation at your home can be making things more difficult and also-- yes, this is a part of being a mother and wife-- but--- we must also give care to ourselves, just like we do for others in our family--- please don't forget that little jinny needs some "caring" time and understanding too.

take care of you too!

mandy

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Anonymous said:

Do I have to ask each time, he knew I was upset, is it wrong of me to expect this?

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I wish husbands were mind readers ... but they are not. Try letting him know what you need and he'll most likely try to help.

Take good care of yourself.

(((((((((((((((((( big hug ))))))))))))))))))