Trauma?

I am just recently coming to terms with the fact that I was/am being emotionally abused by my mother and step dad, but I'm not sure if what I've experienced can be considered trauma. I think it could be, but because the abuse has been lifelong and non-physical I don't have any standard to compare it to, and I don't want to use a term that I shouldn't be using.

The way I've been treated has effected me a lot psychologically. Every day I'm anxious about coming home from school, or getting texts or phone calls, because I get worried that my parents will find something to be mad at me about. When my mom is mad at me, sometimes she gives me sort of a silent treatment and ignores me or tells me to go away, or sometimes she'll yell and curse at me. My step dad sometimes yells and curses as well, but he has more of a tendency to be insensitive in general. Both of them make fun of my interests harshly sometimes, or make me feel embarrassed about the food I eat (I'm on a certain diet for health reasons), and my two younger sisters do the same. I'm made to feel like I'm not allowed to have negative emotions, either, because... well, that would be a whole other train of thought to type, and I'm already worrying about being too much of a bother. Basically, I have been called an irresponsible and selfish brat for being honest about my mental health issues. I constantly worry about being annoying to everyone, and frequently have emotional breakdowns where I apologize over and over to my boyfriend over little things, even when he reassures me that he isn't mad.

I've recently realized that at times I involuntarily "age regress" and go into the mental state of being a younger child, which I've read is often a result of childhood trauma. That, combined with my fairly frequent emotional breakdowns, warped sense of identity, near-constant anxiety, attachment issues, and preoccupation with feeling like I'm bothering people, leads me to think that my experiences could be classified as traumatic and that I may be suffering from Complex PTSD. Like I said, though, I don't want to use the term if it's not accurate.

Does this sound like trauma to any of you? Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation before? I want to see a therapist but am unable to, so apologies for such a long post.

Hi there, I'm so sorry you have to go through this! It seems like you've got a very complicated relationship with your family. I understand why it might be difficult to acknowledge this is trauma as there is no physical violence involved.
However, from what you describe and your symptoms, it seems to me it truly might be CPTSD.I'm very sorry to hear you're currently unable to see a therapist. Do you think using one of the online therapy options would be possible for you?

I have looked into online therapy, and have found a few small things that are helpful, but there are a lot of roadblocks. I'm unable to schedule appointments, even online, because the situation would only get worse if my family found out. I am able to do my own research on emotional abuse and C-PTSD, and I'm able to talk to a couple people about the situation, but even that's risky because my parents tend to monitor just about anything I do. I'm also unable to drive due to disability and don't have a job, meaning that I'm just about entirely dependent on my parents and can't really do much offline either.

I'm sorry love. You're with kindred spirits here. PM if you ever need to talk.

That's difficult to hear. I think many people here will understand you. I'm in a similar position. You can pm me too if you want to.

Emotional ebuse doesn't fall under PTSD but it is still abuse and it's painful. Please get help.

I agree emotional abuse doesn't usually cause classic PTSD, however it can definitely cause CPTSD. What's very unfortunate is that the diagnosis of CPTSD didn't get into official DSM and not all therapists are familiar with it.

I have realized this more and more since I thought I could have PTSD from emotional abuse because of my family but now that I do suffer from PTSD due to sexual assault, I experience a lot of different symptoms than I did before, as my new symptoms are from “classic” PTSD. Complex PTSD is not an official diagnosis sadly so if this is what you think is going on, you will probably have to find a specific therapist that knows about this issue as not all Ts know about C-PTSD.

I do believe though that my emotional abuse has caused a lot of my anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, attachment issues, boundary issues, all of which are painful and very real. Just because a diagnosis doesn’t include this type of abuse doesn’t mean it’s less painful. I have found this quite painful. Please talk to someone about this though. It has helped me realized that how I act isn’t my fault. I still think that from time to time but not as often. My T is helping me work on the issues caused by emotional abuse because sadly you can’t change a person (ie family to be non-abusive).

Stay strong.