[(JD)]

<font color="blue"> Normally I try to be very positive and find something forward-looking to post. But in here, this forum, this PTSD forum, tonight... nah, can't do it. My apologies in advance.

This is for those with PTSD, this post.
No one else will understand, trust me. Maybe you won't either, but unfortunately, you will eventually.

People just don't "get it" do they? They don't understand PTSD. Even professionals miss it. It takes a well-trained, wonderfully compassionate therapist (of any making) to understand, and to help those of us with PTSD also understand.

For someone to think that our being triggered is something we control, well, isn't that ignorant of them?
For one to judge another, who suffers with PTSD, saying they know better, that's so misunderstanding, don't you think?

As if, when triggered, we even know what planet we're on, and to expect respect and all that good stuff that normal humans encounter, from us at the time... just isn't "getting it" at all imo.

Let me share with you, so you know I know also... when I'm triggered, I don't even know I"m triggered till well after the return to semi-normalcy. There's no fixing that for now, believe me. The best I - or any of us- can do is realize it happened and work through the why of it. Putting that together is the best the mind can do for the brain. I've had to share here (and IRL and other places) many, many times how when I was injured authorities did nothing to help me...and took 3 days to get me any medical attention. IF they had bothered to do what any respectable human would have done, I may very well have not been disabled for life.

So now, when ANY authority figure doesn't do what appears to me to be "fair" and just, then I'm triggered. Have I worked on my opinion about fair and just? Of course. That doesn't mean I have it all right. But when rules continually change in my sight, and in attempts to find truth, I am also triggered because my intentions and tone are misunderstood? Control is gone. Anyone who knows me knows this about me.

I keep saying the mantra, to try and help allay any such reactions... (yeah right).... "They don't understand, they won't understand, they can't understand."

I can't even tell you something positive about it.

I totally understand, _Sky. I'm so grateful that my husband gets it. I was triggered recently and he knew that I was and why I was before I did. That is very helpful.

A Dr. laughed at me once on the phone because my husband had "drive-through" surgery and was having a bad reaction from the anesthesia, (he kept passing out) which of course triggered all the drug overdoses and deaths I witnessed as a kid. He chuckled on the phone and said to me, "Sounds like you could use some medication yourself."

Did I sound a little frantic? YES. I have PTSD. That's the deal. I can't help it. I react that way for a reason.

I was so offended by him that I told some family members (in-laws) what he said. They laughed. I could tell they thought I was overreacting. I could tell they didn't get it.

I was determined to MAKE them understand so I wrote about it, showing an example of how the past still has energy in the future. I made them read it. They were promptly put in their place.

Thanks for this post. It makes me feel better when I know I'm not alone.

[wisewoman]

Sky, I too thank you for this post as it helps me find my words. And I agree, should I have control of this illness I choose for it to go away. But that said now I can say the agency who was abusive to me was the all powerful family in my reaction. I know I missed half of what was being said and I can tell you when I checked out. Yes, no control.

Sky,

Thank you for your post... you see.. none of my T explained that what I was experiencing was PTSD.. until my therapist of 5 years ago... so I lived with the "idea" that everyone had flashbacks, triggers... and wake up screaming nightmares nightly..

So.. I wonder even if this "new" T of 10 months "gets" it,,, I don't think it matters anymore...for me.. I understand - finally and it has brought me peace.. just to know "it" has a name PTSD.. and that there are other people "like" me.. that also have it and understand it..

[obsids]

Thank you for your post, Sky. It is exactly the way you describe it.

My husband is beginning to understand how confusing and nightmarish PTSD is. He is even beginning to recognize when I am triggered.

I was so lost and terrified, and then when my pdoc finally pinpointed the PTSD diagnosis, it was like a ray of light entering a dark room through a crack in the wall. My pdoc understands PTSD better than I do. It has been difficult for me to reconcile the reality that PTSD will never go away. I dread the day that I ever have to find a new pdoc.

But yes.... those that don't have PTSD really do not/cannot understand what it is like. It's like they think I am being overly dramatic or even wallowing in my trauma to get attention. They don't understand why I can't just cope.

Can I tell you anything positive about my PTSD? The positive thing is that I know what I am dealing with... that affliction of mine has a name. Pdoc can tinker with my med levels to help me keep that monster at a managable level (most of the time). I know now that I am not crazy... just very damaged. It was a great relief to me to have a starting point for learning to live again.

Other than that, it is a monster inside me. I am just glad that I am not the only one... that there are others like you out there that understand the hell that is PTSD.

[chalmette70043]

Thank you Sky


chalmette

[pegasus]

((((((( Sky )))))))

[Rapunzel]

((((((((( Sky )))))))))))))

I hope it doesn't offend, but I think that I understand, too. Even though I don't have PTSD. My trigger is mental health professionals who don't help when they should. I keep remembering about people who should have noticed my misery and struggles as a child, and who did nothing. When something reminds me of it (as happens from time to time in my classes), I shut down and withdraw. I also feel that if someone had tried to help me a long time ago, I could have lived my life and not been miserable and dead inside for so many years. I don't know if I can ever recover now - it's been too long. I make progress, but it's never enough. T says when I start practicum I'm "going to get busted." "They" will notice that I'm only half a person. I still don't know how to get that other half back, and I'm running out of time. Starting practicum this week (a couple of days), and then continuous from the first week of November, on. I wonder if I'll be able to pull it off.

ty ((Sky)))))))))))) your post says it all......

hey. i guess i think... that a lot of people with PTSD don't know how to control their being triggered. but that it is something that they can learn to control. i mean... if we couldn't learn to control our triggers then therapy would be kind of pointless.

i reckon that a lot of clinicians don't understand that people with PTSD often don't know how to control their triggers. and don't know what to do to cope with the flashbacks and intense emotions and stuff. i've had a bit of a hard time with that with crisis services in the past so i have a lot of sympathy with what you are saying, i think.

hang in there. i think clinicians are getting better with respect to knowing about this stuff over time. but some aren't very good :-( thats true :-(

well i had posted a whole thing here and by mistake a pop up came on and deleted it. MAybe a good thing.
Control over triggers is not all that easy. Sometimes you ask a question and get a trigger answer. LOL MAde a long story really short.
Then you go outside and call a friend. To help you get threw............

[nothemama8]

my biggest trigger was when my new pdoc suggested I start counsiling at Safe Net center for battered women, I truely can't keep going through this over and over and over, here with you all I'm fine, if I go to SafeNet, I'll live everything again and this time I don't know if we'll survive

[Zorah]

alex_k, do you really believe we can control being triggered ?

we don't think you are correct, sorry.

[Kiya]

From what i understand in therapy, it's not so much controlling triggers as it is getting used to them (easier said than done, i know) and getting to the point that we don't go off the deep end when one happens. I think that is what they mean by "normalizing".... yes?

Sorry you are having a rough time Sky.

PTSD can be very difficult to deal with for sure.

I do believe that triggers can be learned, understood and eventually dealt with in a healthy manner.

Here's a few quotes from one of my favorite sites- by a man that had PTSD from his childhood and is now helping others to better their lives too.

from his article "Triggers"....
>>"The faster we get at recognizing triggers when they occur the better off we are. If we recognize a trigger before it starts, we don't go into a reactive state. If we recognize that we have been triggered when we get reactive, we can back out of our reactive state."<<...

I don't believe we have to remain "victims" to PTSD-- I believe with help and a lot of energy we can deal with things in a better way. The brain-- has been proven-- is able to learn until the moment we die.

and here's a part from the article "Catastrophizing"....
>>"What can we do to catastrophize less? My mind tends to respond to this question by turning to several of our old standbys. We need to turn to the tools in our tool chest and apply them liberally. We have learned that whenever we notice ourselves being reactive, we need to question our reactivity. We need to journal, meditate, visualize and say affirmations. We need to look at the situation through the eyes of a third party, either in our imagination or literally through our relationships. We need to follow our intuitions and insights."<<

so the way I see it, we can stay stuck and say we have no power over the reactions of our mind-- or we can take each reaction and learn from it and go in a more forward direction.

Sure some people aren't going to understand our reactions-- but why do they have to?.... so long as we understand, and can work in a positive self-empowered direction-- I think it's a lot about good self-care.

Anyway-- I hope the quotes from the articles will help. Mr. Flanagan has worked with adults with PTSD for 20+ years and has written many many articles-- and like I said-- he's experienced PTSD himself.

mandy

[(JD)]

Thanks for all replies. I'm not destressed enough to really read them yet.

The contractor in my home (surprise surprise) hasn't done what he was supposed to, and has done stuff that isn't acceptable in many ways. I caught him with a leather coat of mine this morning when I returned unexpectedly, but couldn't push it and left instead (thank you PTSD.)

[wrenchergirl]

Until it actually started happening I didn't believe it, but it is possible to make being triggered not so traumatic in certain ways. After years, about 7 - 10 years, of going through exercises and talking about being triggered and practicing getting through it, I was able to make getting through being triggered easier in a way. I'm not saying that its possible for everybody, my trigger episodes may not be as severe as others. I'm just saying that it did happen for me so it is possible. I had a great therapist who taught me grounding techniques that eventually could work. Personally, not that I think about, I think after going over my traumas again and again and again and talking so much out helped. Just my 2 cents...

wrenchergirl

[nothemama8]

woman called from Safe Net wanting to set up appt. with Angie, triggered her so FYI, until Angie is grounded switching is taking place
Reah

[wickedwings]

((((sky)))) i'm so sorry you're having more troubles with the contractor and ptsd. yes, many people do not understand. i was even misdiagnosed in the beginning by pdocs as having schizoaffective disorder when i really had ptsd. i was put on horrible meds for it, which made everything worse and gave me more ptsd to do deal with. i do understand.

[Zorah]

Thanks for letting us know (((((Reah)))))

[(JD)]

((Rhea)))

I figured I just have to keep the contractor away for a while, til I decide if it's worth the stress of having him come back and fix the stuff he did wrong. He doesn't go away easily. He finally brought the gate control to the community back...I didn't answer the door, and he left it at the door like I had asked days ago.

Oh, he came by at 7:50 PM! He sat out in his car for an hour and a half! Out in front of the house (not in the driveway, but directly in front on the street, where he could watch through the front windows. GRRRR Then he called.

He has called every morning and evening now. I'm sick today, and I accidently answered the phone: it was him. I told him I wasn't feeling up to talking, but he went right on. I hung up. He called back but I didn't answer. Deal with it.



I think I'm getting the upper hand on his antics. I wanted to mail the letter today from home, but it appears he may have stolen the stamps too.

At least Caleb is behaving. (Well, he went out and played in the rain and mud and wore himself out. Ihad to hose him off...so we're both exhausted now.) Thanks for listening to my tale.

[HatingPTSD]

**This was supposed to be a reply to the OP. Sorry, I'm kinda new here

Great post!

I think I sprained my neck because I was nodding so much the whole time I read it.

I have gotten pretty good at forcing the word "flashback" out of my mouth before I go away. I have been told that it comes out pretty clear and my wife is grateful, so she knows what it is. She says it looks like I am having a stroke or an epileptic seizure.

I just wish I could think back on my past and ENJOY my memories. I want to not be afraid that any memory at anytime will tear me away from this reality and drop me into a new one.

I always joke with people that don't understand PTSD that my brain is trying to kill me.

That sad thing is, it's sure seems like a pretty accurate description.