[lenjan]

My T is a big fan of giving homework. I don't mind it, because it makes me focus and gives us something to talk about next session (I email it to him beforehand so I don't have to sit there in session and twiddle my thumbs while he reads).

He is slowly trying to get me comfortable with talking about my abuse, which I've never done in any detail, with anyone, ever. I'm terrified of being made to go there.

Yesterday I interviewed someone who turns out to know someone I know. He was abused and it still pretty much controls his life, we both agreed. In the car on the way home, I started thinking about other people I know who have dealt with that particular kind of abuse. I was freaked out to realize that they're all on disability -- incapable of holding down jobs -- etc.

My mental health issues intrude on my job much more than I would like, but I'm blessed with an understanding boss. But at least I have a job. It scares me to think that, if I get this out in the open and deal with it, I'm going to end up sitting on my behind, watching Judge Judy all day and collecting government checks for the rest of my life. I don't want to end up that way.

This is a long way of saying that my T would like me to find books, articles, personal stories of people who have successfully survived working through their abuse and managed to remain reasonably sane, employable, etc. Does anybody know of any? I figure there must be some, but all I know are people it ruined, not people it saved.

Thanks.

Candy

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers

One word comes to mind.....

Oprah? :-)

[shakes]

Candybear,
I know of some books about surviving rape and sexual abuse. I am sorry but I do not know what kind of abuse you have survived?

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[lenjan]

Thanks Jessica. I wasn't sure if I should mention the type of abuse in case it triggered anybody, but I am looking for stuff on sexual abuse survivors.

Candy

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers

[shakes]

Candy,
If you ever think you might trigger someone then just put "Warning Trigger" in your subject line or at the beginning of your post. It is very thoughtful of you to think about triggering someone.

Speaking of that this might trigger some...

I know the name of a wonderful book called "After Silence. Rape and My Journey Back" by Nancy Venable Raine. However it does focus on a single act of rape instead of recurrent abuse, but I think it would be very helpful for you. Since I was assaulted it has been one of the few books that has really helped me. It provides an inner strength of feeling of you can survive this.
The focus of my time at college was taking classes about violence against women. A good friend of mine, who is a professor, also specializes in teaching about violence against women and she has unbelievably resources.
If you are looking for something specific to what you have experienced please feel free to either respond or drop me a private message or email. I can get you lots of wonderful information.

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[(JD)]

Unfortunately, most baby boomer women I know were abused when young (some as children, many as teens, plenty as young marrieds) and they are all having to go on with life, working and acting "normal"...

I think your T is trying to make it go easier for you. Don't push it, but travel the course.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[alm15]

This is just my own opinion. I'm on disability and I don't consider myself "ruined." I raise my daughter by myself. I go to therapy every week and work very hard at healing. I'm a good friend. I do grapple with not being able to "work." Mostly because of societal and familial views. But I also realize that I need to work through my stuff before I can be consistant at a job. I consider the "job" of raising my daughter to be the best that she can be, to be extremely important. And the more healthy I get, the more I can help others. I had a therapist explain to me that when I broke down and stopped running, I was getting better. I watch my sister living the way I used to. She runs around keeping herself so busy she doesn't have time to think or have any real connections with people. I was really productive at one point but I also wasn't really present in my life. I may not work, but I'm able to be available for my daughter, friends, family and myself. I had to accept my illnesses and take the time to heal.
Good luck in your pursuit. Annie

[lenjan]

Hi Annie,

It sounds like you're doing better than most people with jobs and stuff! :-) Good for you.

I guess I shouldn't have generalized. It's just that the people I know on disability are completely non-functional. I don't want to end up that way. It's good to know it's possible still to lead a productive life -- so far in my own little circle I just haven't met anyone who does.

Candy

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers

[(JD)]

alm, I agree about not being "ruined"...

but I wanted to say that your "job" of raising your child is really important. When someone asks you what your work is, tell them you "rule the world" because the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world... don't ever forget that.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[gloria]

Your outcome is going to be in a good part, the results of your choices.

People can choose to be miserable, or make the best of what they have.

I am not much, but I am all I have, and you bet your rear end I'll make the best of it.

gab