[happyflowergirl]

I was triggered again (the 2nd time in 3 years) last week. My T told me I am suffering from PTSD, had it all this time, but was triggered. I thought I was better, well he said I was better , but not completely healed. He said I can be, once we desensitize the abuse

Now I am so scared, having nightmares , waking my kids up with my screaming. I just have this heavy mass of anxiety weighing down on me. Scared when the door bell rings (those dang snow shovelers), scared to go to sleep too.

T wants me to file a protection order even if it doesn't go through, but that would mean I would have to come face to face in court with my abuser I think, I can't do that! I am too scared of her. He wants to create a paper trail. A protection order really doesn't work anyways, it wouldn't stop her, to me it would seem to only stir up the pot, make her angrier and more vindictive.

I hate this feeling, this is what brought me into therapy 3 years ago, but I have a new T now and am making more progress with him. But I hate that she can still scare me, intellectually I know it probably won't happen, but my body remembers and is so scared. I just want to be okay, but now I am not too confident I ever will be.

[Cyran0]

I'm so sorry you're going through this but be strong, your T is right, a paper trail will help protect you. And remember, an abuser likes a weak victim, be strong and you'll win.

Cyran0

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Cyran0 said:
I'm so sorry you're going through this but be strong, your T is right, a paper trail will help protect you. And remember, an abuser likes a weak victim, be strong and you'll win.

Cyran0

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I agree
After being stalked and not fighting for awhile get " A protection order"
or the paper trail as you are worth fighting for
I hope you can feel alittle safe.....I know that feeling of not
tc muffy

[(JD)]

I am also ambivalent about a protection order, but never heard of you having to face someone in court to do that, but that the police serve it through the court for you.

You really need to discuss your fears about it backfiring, with your T, and ask what experience she has with them.
It's always tough to be triggered, and while you may be healed at some point, there is always the chance you will be triggered in the future. How much you heal though, will lessen the response you give to the trigger.

If you file an order of protection, then IMO, that gives the abuser the knowledge that he/she is getting to you really severely. I really don't know about this for you. If the person is constantly coming around, I guess you have no choice but to file one?

Make yourself as safe as possible otherwise...and know you will get through this. (((safe hug)))

[CedarS]

One idea, can you leave a note on your door asking folks to not ring your doorbell? That would help reduce that one noise trigger.

I understand your concern about protection orders yet also do encourage you to talk all this over with your T. I've used one before and didn't have to do anything face to face. You can ask your T all the questions you can come up with, might be the case that an order would actually be helpful.

Best wishes to you, I hope you'll get some safe time soon so you can rest up. I used to think I would never get through my own challenges, but bit by bit, I do, and am much less triggered.

[happyflowergirl]

Thanks Cyrano,

I am trying to feel strong like I usually do, but being triggered puts you in a place of terror and it is hard to fight it. I am a different person when going through PTSD. I am struggling it seems now and I hate that feeling. It is hard when you thought you have overcome PTSD, only to be triggered many years later, than realize you aren't okay. I knew I wasn't totally okay that is why I am in therapy, but I thought I conquered the beast of PTSD, that feels disheartening right now.
When my T told me I am suffering from the effects of PTSD, tears just rolled down my face. When we did EMDR on my fear of my mom, my hands were grabbing my coat for dear life. My hands hurt after that session from holding so tight. It takes a lot of energy to be scared because I am exhausted, but yet scared to sleep because I might have a nightmare or flashback. I hate feeling this way again. Thanks for your support, it helps, I know you have a tough time too.

[happyflowergirl]

Thanks Muffy,

I am sorry you know how it feels. I see my T this Thurs., so I hope that will help some. He is such a good T and I know he cares. He told me last session that he would help me if I ever had a problem in court with my mom trying get grandparents visiting rights. He said he can be very convincing in the court and has before, and he said he would stand up with me even if he isn't my T anymore or if he is retired.
That meant a lot for him to say that, because now that my brother is no longer alive, I don't have a witness of what happened at home. I feel so vulnerable, but now I feel better to have someone on my side. My T said my mom has done enough damage to children, she doesn't need to do more.

Thanks Muffy for listening

[happyflowergirl]

Hi Sky,

I think maybe the law has changed, I looked up protection orders for my state and it seems like I would have to talk privately to a judge, so I will ask my T more about that.

I am worried about retaliation from her, my T says she has anti- social disorder or what they used to call psychopath, so it would be scary to make her even more agitated.

I believe she lives out of state, but her mom, my grandma lives close and now she is trying to make contact with me. She sent my daughter a birthday card with money and her cell phone number telling her to call. Well she is only 13 and hasn't had any contact with her since she was 6mo. old. This scares me because she is trying to come between my daughter and me, thinking my daughter wants contact with her. My daughter didn't even know who the card was from when it came in the mail. I wish I could have intercepted it before she saw it. I just hopes she leaves us alone. My T wants me to send the card and money back and put return to sender on the card, let my daughter keep the money, but use my money to send it back to her. He said it would take any entitlement she might feel since she thinks we accepted the gift.
I just don't know, I would rather ignore her. I guess I need to talk more about this this Thurs.
Thanks Sky for responding and your support.

[happyflowergirl]

Thanks Cedar,

I am going to talk more about this with my T . I talked to my lawyer 3 years ago about this, so maybe things have changed. But my T said he would help me get a protection order, so maybe with his words, it would help, rather than a lawyer.

Did the protection order help you? I don't think my mom would allow that to get in her way if she wanted to harm me. But he told me a paper trail would be helpful in keeping her away from my kids if something ever happened to my husband, which is one reason I am still married to him.

[BalishBun]

hey at least we are all willing to listen. That is one less thing you have to worry about is not having someone to listen. Someone is always here, feel free to let your emotions go.