[Jennifer1084]

I really have been heading down. I have been having so many difficulties lately with like my depression. I am just so depressed. I stayed in the assisted living facility I use to live in last week and it did help, I mean I was ok after being there for a few days I started feeling better and I was fine for a few days after I left but last night hit me smack in the face. I am thinking I know what this is all about. I think it is all about the sexual assault I went through last May. It was a very serious trauma and I actually almost died from it. It has been rather difficult this last year but I think it is getting worse because it is getting close to that one year anniversary. I think I am going to be starting this partial hospitalization program within the next few days. I really though am just hoping that I will make it through. Sometimes I do wonder though if I am going to. I am so down right now. I am hiding pretty much all of my feelings except depression. I am hurt and scared and all but I am not really owning it so much. I know it is not good to ignroe my feelings and it will eventually get me no where but I am just so depressed now. I need help.

[CedarS]

((((((((((Jennifer)))))))))))

I'm sending you best wishes and heartfelt hugs of understanding. I hope that you tell exactly how you are feeling and thinking to your support people. I know it may seem sometimes like it is no use, but please keep telling them, all of it.

I know we sometimes need to hide our feelings as a survival skill, but when you are with support folks, that is the time to not hide. The more they know what you are experiencing the more potential there is for help.

In the meanwhile, what helps you get through these rough times? Do you have self soothing skills, ways you can comfort and protect yourself?

[Kiya]

((((((((((((( jennifer )))))))))))))) !!

[happyflowergirl]

((((Jennifer))))))))))

I know the feeling and it feels really bad. Are you in therapy over the attach? Anniversaries have a way of reminding of us what happened. I hope you have a T to talk with about this.

[wisewoman]

I am glad you have a safe place to go. Please go sooner then later, especially if it helps so much. I would want to be with safe people if that even was replaying in my head. Please try and stay in the present and tell yourself this is history. it is my history and it is horrid but it happened and I lived. I am going to tell people what happened and show that I am alive so I can show you ptsd that I AM alive. When we own our feelings sometimes it helps with depression too. P;ease do what is best for you.

[Jennifer1084]

It's so funny, I talked with one of my T's yesterday and she brought up the same point, what can I do to soothe myself and take care of myself. this is something I struggle with to the extreme. I am a type of person who just ignores myself and focuses on other things or other people. I am working on it, but I guess the thing is I am just going through a hard time right now and so I guess this program may not be a bad thing after all. thank you for your response, all of you.

[CedarS]

(((Jennifer)))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Jennifer ))))))))))))