[Typo]

I'm not sure if it is ptsd or what but I know I have to own up to all of my memories..to all of my grief..to my past. When I was 15 I was in a car accident with my grandmother..she was like a second mother to me..she was my best friend..I loved her so much. Sorry I derailed..I was in a car accident with her and she died due to injuries from the wreck..I watched her die..I watched her gasp for air and the guilt in her eyes for hurting me. I don't rember to much..I can't and I can't even rember details..just that I was 15 and how much pain I saw her in. All the doctors lied to me..all the officers lied to me..all the emts lied to me..filled me with false hope. I know I can't live like this forever...all these things have been eating away at me and I feel like I will explode if I don't put them down..I could write in my journal..but I need some comfort and notebook pages aren't great at giving it. I think I will be joining everyone here if that is okay..I don't know where else to turn..and I though this was the most approbiate place because I have more past events I need to deal with that I avoid like the plague...that I avoid anything that reminds me of them..I haven't said my grandmother's name in three years..I can't.

[Jazz91]

that is fine you will be able to do that in your own time, grief affects us in alot of different ways and there are particular ways people use to deal with this grief

(((((((((Silversparrow))))))))))))))))))))))))
It sounds like your Grandmother loved you very much
to watch someone pass away is very hard
keep writting here
we all care and understand
muffy

[RozG]

((((((((Silversparrow))))))))

[Kiya]

(((((((((silver)))))))))
holding you..... till you're ready.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((Silversparrow)))))))))))))

[Typo]

(((everyone)))

Thank you...it was hard to grive because I don't even rember the funeral because of the pain medication I was on for my injuries I got in the car accident. Two weeks of my life are missing from me because I was in a stupor from the pills..I purposley would take more than I needed just so I couldn't feel anything. I honestly wish that I still had those pills just so I couldn't feel anything.

Is it normal to have certain memories blocked after a traumatic experince..like I can't rember the date or year, and ever since the accident I have had problems with time..I get all mixed up and confused. I can't really recall alot of things about the accident either except anger, broken glass, and blood. I don't want to rember yet I do.

The memories get worse and more fuzzy every year but it's coming to bite me in the butt because I had this huge meltdown in January after visting a hospital to see a family member..I didn't sleep for days and I would just cower in a corner in the fedal positon at night. I started hallucanting and hearing voices and when I did sleep I had these horrible nightmares. I have kinda of reclaimed my grip on reality..but if anything triggers those memories of the car accident or other bad memories I kind of go into one of those episodes.

(((Silversparrow))))))))))))))))))))
I understand how you feel
your not alone
feel free to pm me anytime

[Sprite]

In my line of work I deal with incidents like yours all the time and Those people should have never lied to you that only made things worse and like you said gave you false hope. I am new here but would like to offer help to you whenever you may need it.

[stig]

I am very sorry that that happened to you..

I lost my grandfather who had raised me as a preteen and teen when I was 17. He was in ICU and was dieing and he looked so concerned and worried and scared, yet could not talk. I assured him I would take care of his wife after he died and I just walked out because, well, I do not know. It sounds cold but it is true. I dod love him very deeply because he encoouraged me in sports and in school and to be a good person. He always brought me to a magical and little known place in Maine caled snow falls which is a sort of waterfall. We would eat picnic lunchs there, God I miss him sometimes. I love the memories though. I will always have my memories, which include so much more than the events just before his death.

Remember the good with the bad..

I hope this helps.

[1oxbowgirl]

((((Silversparrow))))) Keep writing here. I found by writing here I could deal better with the pain of things remembered and it made me want to find a way to remember the huge blanks in my life. The support from everyone here was so wonderful for me, that I know it will be as good for you. And maybe someday you will want to tell a therapist about the sadness and the pain so that your memories will not haunt you anymore.
1Girl

[Typo]

(((Everyone)))

Thank you so much..you are all such wonderful people.

[BalishBun]

I am so sorry, i know i would be in the same state you are if i had been through the same. I lend you all my support,