My mom

Dear Orange Blossom,

If you are an idiot for wanting to keep someone you love alive, then I'm an idiot too. I wouldn't want it any other way.

It is very hard having our hopes dashed on rocks of reality. I wish I could do something for you and I can't think of anything but some prayer for you all.

I care and I am sending you some hugs - you'll have to use imagination to see them so know that I am sending the extra-warm, extra-soft, extra-long hugs!

Leslie and Her Pixies

I guess I always thought that "hoping" was more of a serious desire and "wishing" was nothing more than magical thinking.

Now I see there really is no difference. It's all magical thinking.

I know it sounds silly but when I was young, I used to hope that my brothers would live to see thirty years old. I spent a lot of time worrying about them dying and had witnessed quite a few overdoses that left them dead on arrival. We had a few close calls when we had the fire in the house too, as most of them were too drunk to wake up and get them out.

I know now that my father dying a few years before all that was also a major cause of my anxiety, It just magnified the fear of losing my entire family.

I'd made up this whole life for them.

I hoped at 30 they'd become responsible adults.

I hoped at 30 they'd have jobs and houses and families.

I hoped at 30 they'd stop robbing and stealing and lying.

I hoped at 30 they'd get clean and sober and stop shooting heroin.

Once they made it to 30 they'd be okay. I wouldn't have to worry about them dying anymore.

I hoped they'd achieve this, but then they reached 30 and not too long after that they died.

Maybe all that old stuff is being stirred up and that's what I'm feeling now.

I should just listen to the voice that says "don't get your hopes up." But no. I push it aside then jump right in, always "hoping" for the best and always being wrong.

Seem to be rambling now.

Thanks for listening everyone.

yeah its tough when some one in ur family is in bad health and the risks are high sometimes remember ur mom needs u just as much as u need her stay strong for the both of u i hope it all gets better

yeah my mom was never greatest with me and still aint her life is slipping away more and more as days go by and sadly i could care less or so i though its like deep down u know tht some were inside ur parents loved u even if its just a little bit they may not know how to show it the right way though i am moving far away from my family to begin my own and i am unsure of weather i want to be there when my mom needs me most becuz she was never there for me SOUNDS like u are going through the same thought process its like if u dont do it though who will you know u cant just sit there and watch like evryone else she probably is wishing now tht she had lived a better life

Thanks Pixies and Crazybones.

I'm feeling a little better today. I have a busy work week ahead so my mind will be occupied with other thoughts.

We have you in our thoughs daily. Its the worse time and I hope you are managing. You know we love you dont you?

(((((((((((((( Orange )))))))))))))))

Just got home from Moffitt Cancer Center after a 8 1/2 hour day. My mother had her Dr.'s appointment at 1:00 and they ended up admitting her late this afternoon because of her sudden onset (Wednesday) of shortness of breath, dehydration and low blood pressure.

They want to make sure it's not a pulmonary embolism. They think it might be a side effect from the new medication, or maybe inflammation from the radiation, or maybe pneumonia.

They will run more tests tomorrow and treat her accordingly. I felt guilty leaving her there. She is not a happy camper.

Try to get some rest sweetie.

I'm a little freaked out this morning. Ok. A lot.

When we left last night, my mother was in the Direct Care Center, kinda like their in-house emergency room. They said they were going to move her to a room as soon as they discharged some patients and the rooms opened up.

I thought it was odd that they would discharge anyone at that hour.

This morning I talked to my mother and she said they moved her at 11:30 and she waited in the hallway until someone went in and mopped and cleaned. She thinks the lady before her died.

I guess that's what they meant by "discharged."

I AM NOT GOOD WITH THIS STUFF.

Flower, sounds like things are bad. I dont think anyone is very good at this stuff but you are doing a wonderful job. Please make sure you remember tot atke care of you, we cant have a flower keeling over with worry.

((((((((((((((((((((Orange_Blossom))))))))))))))))

Last night when I was going to bed, I looked at the book next to my bed and noticed that the author has another book called The Orange Blossom Special. I thought of you and wondered how you were doing and said a little prayer.

I'm sorry things are so hard.

(((((((((((((((((((orange_blossom))))))))))))))

not very nice they kept your mum in the hall while they cleaned the room she was to go in especially if the previous occupir died

prayers are with your mum and you

dont forget to get some extra mircle grow to keep you feling good

Thanks everyone,

They are keeping her at least another day. I think they are going to set her up with "at home" oxygen.

It seems this is the result of the radiation. They have put her on Prednisone which will hopefully clear it all up. This is GOOD news.

Thanks for your support. It means a lot to me.

((((((((orange)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry I just saw this now....
oh dear friend I am so very sorry
as always all my prayers for you
sitting on the curb with you alittle late but am here now
I wish i could make this all disappear for you
wave my magic wand and make it go away
all as i can do is be here for you
muffy

((( muffin and poopers )))

She is still in the hospital. She might get out tomorrow depending on how her breathing is. Hopefully the Prednisone will start to clear things up. I'll probably take her home with me for a few days until I feel comfortable that she can take care of herself. She's barely eating.

Thanks for your support.

Orange Blossom I'm sorry I haven't said much on your thread. It just hits so close to home in how I had to do things with my parents. Not the same health problems. But the care that goes into it. So hard when you go thru these things. So unsure of what the outcome is going to be. Careful to not get hopes up to high, but yet strong enough not to give up that hope. Life is such a fragile thing. Just keep your mom close to your heart and do the best you can. But please do take care of you too hon. You've been a good daughter , we know you do your best . And we are here to love and support you thru this . Just keep writing your feelings out . It helps so much.

Wishing you and your mom much strength and love to get thru this.

Love ya!!
Beth

((orange))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
you are one of the best daughters
You should be very proud of you
tell her that her other daughter ((me))
says to eat alittle
The prednisone may help with that
Keep good care of you too
muffin

((( Beth )))

Please don't ever feel bad for not replying to a post. I know you guys are here and all I would have to do is ask for your help and you'd be there.

Okay muffy. I'll tell her that her sheep daughter said to eat. She'll probably ask for more medication.

You are a very good daughter.

((((((((((Orange_Blossom))))))))))

Don't forget to take care of yourself too.

(((((((((((( Orange ))))))))))))))
Always thinking of you

(((((((((((((((( Orange & mum ))))))))))))))))))))))))

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you both and sending out love and strength to you. I took care of my mum when she was ill some 27 years ago.....I know what you are going through....the highs and the lows. It's like being on a roller coaster at times. Many good thoughts and prayers to you both!


sabby

awww