Not sure if this belongs here...

Hi... I wanted to get some opinions, if you don't mind.

My dad, who I was extremely close with, died unexpectedly 12 days ago. The phone call was sort of traumatic, as my sister told me the news and then her ex-husband got on the phone and I thought it was my dad's voice-- even though I had already learned he died. I didn't understand what was going on; the whole world became unreal.

Anyway, the next couple days were a whirlwind, going back to NY (I live in Philly), the funeral, etc. Then I came back to Philly and went back to doctoral school and work.

Today I came home from work and it was 5 pm. My H normally gets home at around 4:45 pm, but it was raining really hard. I thought maybe it was taking longer so I called his cell phone twice-- no answer. I immediately began to panic, thinking something happened and he was dead. Finally, on the third attempt to call, he answered his phone and said he was at the store (he forgot to tell me he was going, or maybe he did and I did not absorb the information). His phone had accidentally been on silent, that's why he hadn't answered.

So he came home and I couldn't get out of this state of horrible anxiety. I kept saying, "I know you are here, but I am scared that something is going to happen."

I became extremely tired and then went to lie in bed. I feel asleep for about an hour and had a terrible dream that a doctor told me that H was going to die-- and in the dream, H didn't care that he was going to die.

Now it's is 6:14 AM and I have only slept one hour because I'm afraid to go back to sleep and have another bad dream. The other night I dreamt about my dad and it wasn't a bad dream, necessarily, but I don't even want to dream about him because I know it isn't real and I'll never see him again.

Is this normal grief response, or something more than that?

Normal, schnormal. I don't know. It is. Hugs for pinksoil...

You just lost someone whom you loved deeply. Now you are afraid that you might lose others. Sounds like a reaction that others have had too....

Sounds very normal to me. You have been under a lot of stress. A lot can happen. Losing a parent, especially one that was your best friend is very tramatic. Some people hear the person's voice or think they see them. My parents have been gone for 6-8 years and were abusive and I still think I hear their voice or see someone that looks like them or even see a name that's close to there's. Strange things can happen.

Take it easy, eat healthy and continue your life as you always have. Take care of yourself and you will be fine.

((((((pink)))))))

If you're asking if this is PTSD, I would say it isn't. It is grief. (((Pinksoil))) you remember the stages of grief, and all that is involved in that? You've suffered a real loss, and I'm so sorry. Please share these with your T, and work through them. I hope your spouse also understands what you are going through.
BTW sometimes the dreams help comfort, as they are quite real feeling, and also dreams help the brain sort through things, esp events that are seemingly unbearable.

Im sorry that sucks. I would say its normal. I also want to say Im sorry that you dad died. I would say that having such a shock of loosing your dad has made you afraid that it could happen again. So you want to be on gaurd and protect yourself and the ones you love. I think its going to take a long time for you to not feel that way. I think people will understand that. I wish that i could say poof its gone and your the same you were before your dad died, but its not going to happen. You are a differnt person with a new traumatic expereince and your trying to process it and at the same time trying to protect yourself from it happening again. I would say to be gentle with yourself and understanding of yourself and let the healing that will happen come in its own way. You could say things like I am afraid of something happening to ----- becasue of what happened with my dad, and I understand that. It was really horriable the sudden way my dad died and my body and mind are afraid it could happen again. Im ok. Im grieving and I will make it through this fear. Not sure if I am helping but I really wanted to give you an answer that I really thopught through. Hang in there ok???

(((((((pink)))))))
yeah i'd say it is as normal as losing a loved one gets (if we can call that normal). The dreams about them and thinking we see them or hear them, the fears of other loved ones dying or thinking we see them gone or hurt... the mind is so complex and death/loss is complex... grief takes a good 6-12 months to really regain solid footing, give or take. But i am glad you are checking in - i've been thinking about you and wondering how you were fairing....