[Butterfly_Faerie]

<font color="brown">What is wrong with me, for the past three days, day dreams.
Memories that I shouldn't be thinking about over and over and over again.
Things that have happened to me, things that have not happened to me.

What is with triggers, why when it happens I start to think?

I hate thinking, I wish it was just stop. </font>

[TraumaMama]

I understand about the triggers. Unfortunately I work where my traumatic incident occurred. Everytime I go down the hall by OR I get shaky and want to run or puke. The drive in to work makes me physically ill. My T says that I have to face it and I'm doing it everyday. I don't like it, but I'm doin it. The immobilization part is awful, though. I can just zone out and that's it.

[Mindy]

That's gotta be hard TraumaMama. I'm sorry. I understand though... as I'm sure most of these women here do. Sometimes the responses to triggers are so very overwhelming and I'm not always in a position or place where I can allow myself to zone out. I've got four of my five children still at home raising them by myself so I can't just walk away from work. Three of my kids have the same mental illnesses their father had that led to some of his bizarre and violent behaviors and psychotic breaks from being medically noncompliant (well, that and being raised by a violent man). Trying to help them without triggering is tricky. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

<font color="brown">Thanks Mindy, I'm not avoiding it, I know by doing so it is just making things worse, I let them come. Some of the day dreams like I said are not my own memories, just me replacing someone else with terror scenes etc, enough so I know the fear etc then it snowballed into my own sexual assaults, my own threats of rape, the actual rape that I was in denial about because it wasn't violent and so on with the abuse etc. All of it just started to flood me. I just kept letting it come, I didn't even stop it, not sure why.

I don't allow myself to zone out, all my abuse from the boyfriend (ex) and the one who raped me all happened in my bedroom, with the same bed etc, my room isn't much different as it was back then. The body memories were terrible in my room, but they have gotten better. Also get triggers at my boat but they aren't as bad as I was harrassed and assaulted there by the same guy many times throughout the weekend. Also I was assaulted at work and harrassed, I did end up quitting that job because of it, even though I enjoyed being there.

Obviously there is more but I don't want to trigger anyone.

I don't even know my own triggers sometimes, I just feel them in my body, and get all tense, but I can't place why. It's so frustrating.</font>