to hate...... or to not hate.... what is the answer.. I know not

One would say... you feel what you feel... so if you feel hate... then you hate...

But... I live my life in alters... and confusion reigns...

my understanding, compassionate.. side says.. do not hate these people... your father... your ex-husband.. your mother had horrfic childhoods too..

and then the peophile.... what do I say... what do you say about a pedophile.... is different... a hardcore.. pedophile... that had sooo many children in his lifetime... what do I say...

Confusion reighs.... this has been the subject of therapy.. last week... me trying and trying to understand the alter that hates so much.. hates my father.. loathes my ex-husband.. and wants to cause my dead pedophile pain..

do I understand an ex-husband.. that hit me.. and hit me.. and put me in such a condition.. that I had to go to doctors and hospitals..
do I say .... ahhhhhhhhh... we married young.... and it was a bad combination... do I take that responsibility..

You see.. I am confused.... deeply... deeply confused....

how do I get my alters to agree... when the world outside of me sees this so differently..

I want to scream.. "I HATE YOU">>> "I HATE YOU">...

yes... scream it.. and scream it..

and I want to hear others scream it for me... scream "I HATE YOU"... for what you did to freewill..

she did not deserve to be hurt by you...

sooooooooooooo... if you care... scream... and scream it loud very loud..

if you do not agree... and have sypthomthy for the abusers... please.. please... please... do not post in this thread...

this thread is for my justice.. for my person... for who I was meant to be... but never got to be...

Thank you....

next time i go into my field to scream I will scream for you too - its quite often, sometimes I stop the car along a country lane and scream,,,,I will think of you too.....peace to your troubled mind Freewill, and mine......

jin x

Freewill, I am so sorry all the abuse happened to you. You have every right to be angry. I am glad you are getting angry and getting it out in therapy.

I feel for your little girl…if I was there and knew, I would have protected her and kept her safe—that is what she deserved. She deserved to be loved and kept safe. She deserves to be happy now. I wish I could make that happen for you.

I care about you…I can’t imagine my reaction if I met one of your abusers…there is no punishment harsh enough for pedophiles.

You are not alone. I understand the hate. Right now, no more words are coming to me because I am filled with compassion for you.

Scream as much as you want. (I don't except sometimes in my mind, because I don't feel safe in doing it.)

Understanding comes or not. You are not obligated. Feel what you feel now.

I have no reservations about hating my abusers. In fact, I have no reservations about hating a lot of people. But I know that I'll have really turned a corner in life when I can forgive them.

Until then, screw 'em.

Cyran0

my T and I talked about this.... and his thought that there is no need to forgive...

I have mixed feelings about this... meaning as a DID person... there are alters that really have forgiven... they are the alters that have a very strong faith in God..

So for my other alters... I am going with.. I feel hatred... and I am not going to work on resloving it... that there is no reason to work towards forgiveness... as long as the hatred does not consume my life.. or interfer with loving and accepting other people.. I am going to leave things as is...

Thank you for all of your sharing.... I very much appreciate it..

It has helped me to reslove an age old conflict amoung my alters..

freewill, I in no way meant to imply you needed to forgive anyone, just so you know. Hate 'em all you'd like. I just meant that, for me, I hope to one day be able to forgive my abusers. I imagine it would just feel somehow lighter in my head that way.

Cyrano

freewill >> Hello << Thank you for the moment you mailed me ,,, as I said ,, sometimes I forget to change the moody thing.

That can oooooppppppppppsssssss change as a trig happens..

Hard for some to see this though. A place , a smell ,, or words in a thread. freewill Those that are dead << I will say the worst of the worst may burn in He_l ........ Those that are still in our world ,, that we may see.. I will bend those to the breaking point just to get my revenge,,, Then as I may find the release as compassion is ..I stop.

Kinda a healing thing for them to go " OMG what did I think " when I was so selfish ,,,, and that ,,,the one that I hurt ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, will now >>> never speak. Put that one as a place of Thank You very much !! ((( NOT )) But use them now for all they got ....

Make 'em say U.N.C.L.E take all you may and still be the one that will maybe look you in the eye and Hopefully say sorry...........

This is probabley not the best advice to give or use by choice.

Choice the present tense///// of choose ////// oh,,, it is the same ,,,They that hurt made the choice to not let another choose to have a choice>>>> Me personally,,, I make the choice and I shall choose.. Take Care and tell me " Dude never type in my Thread " I am a might bit vengeful ... Alts do that tho ,,,don't they??

Scream as much as you want! Do whatever it is that will help you get through it.

I have not forgiven those that have abused me. True forgiveness means forgetting and I cannot do that. I have made a conscience effort not to hate those individuals. In my mind if I hate them, that gives them control over me once again. I will not do that, I will not let hate fester and eat me up inside. I have made sure that I've educated my children, told them all the excuses and warnings that I've known abusers to give. I've watched them well and am happy to say that they were able to grow up safe and sound.

I believe that there is a special place in hell for those people that abuse children. That fills my need for revenge. That and publicly announcing when I see the man walk down the street that he molested me and not to allow your children near him.

I HATE that you were abused Freewill. I HATE that with a passion. I hope that you are able to overcome this.

I've never forgiven but I don't hate/have that anger anymore and I'm glad. It took so much of my energy. A fire has to be fed and now I have better uses for that fuel than to give it to dead people who I can't effect anymore.

I didn't take it that way... that I "have" to forgive.. or anything...
really... Cyran0.... I just have alters.. that have very differing opinions...

all is well between us...

Thank you one... and all......

My alters still have very differing opinions.... I am for now.. going to let the ones that need to scream... scream loudly... and for the ones that hate.. to be allowed to hate.. and want to hurt my abusers..
and for the ones that have forgiven.. to allow them that choice..