[skymonk]

I have a real problem with anger. It used to only be a problem when I was younger&got so drunk I'd black out&get enraged when someone I didn't know touched me. Back then I'd assault them. I just turned 40 this year&have started to remember a lot of VERY unpleasant things&I'm mad as Hell at my perpetrators. I talk to myself in public a lot or direct it at my bf when I feel he's taking me for granted or not paying enough attention to me or being understanding enough, I also yell at the cats&at inanimate objects. Really, my bf's just there&available for me to lash out at-he does the same thing back which intensifies my anger. I don't want to be angry all of the time. I used to be able to stuff it&I stayed pretty spaced out&unaware on different psych meds than I'm taking now. My t says I'm more aware now of when someone isn't treating me like I want to be treated because of my new meds. I don't expect people to kiss my butt-it ain't worth kissing. I just want a little empathy,kindness,friendship,peace...&for people to stop forgetting I've been to Hell&back. Are there any healthy ways to deal with anger that won't cause constant relationship problems, me in jail, or being ignored&labelled as just crazy&to be avoided. I get judged a lot because of my anger-it literally forms an aura around me that repels people. I'm disabled&don't have many friends, but I do have a t, but he's not good at offering tips on how to express anger in a healthy, non-destructive way. Any advice in the form of words, "I've been there's" or books or articles to read would be great.

[phoenix7]

Hi Skymonk,

When I have anger outbreaks I try to take myself away from others then I repeat the words clam and relaxed as I take deep breaths - i also count to twelve things taking a breath and saying the name of something i see and its colour so it would be take a breath, blue box and so on till you have named 12 things and their colour takihng a deep breath each time - this is supposed to get the thinking part of your brain back in charge - its worked for me on a numnber of occassions.

I think the main thing would be to find out what is making you angry and deal with its causes, hope you find something that works P7

[Sannah]

Sky, are you able to talk about your anger?

[Perna]

I'm working with a really good book, This Year I Will. . ., by M.J. Ryan:

http://www.amazon.com/This-Year-Will.../dp/0767920082

and she herself had an anger problem and talks quite a bit about how she worked on that. It's hard work but can be done. A lot of my anger was related to my stepmother so working in therapy helped me a lot.

[MINIME]

my emdr t brought those huge peices of paper and I scribbled and drew alot of anger that day it helped alot.

[skymonk]

I wasn't ALLOWED to be angry,sad, or frustrated as a kid. My parents beat me if I ever showed that I felt that way. I'm not an effective arguer&my bf&I are ALWAYS fighting this year. Every time I say I'm going to leave-sometimes at his request, sometimes because I feel like he doesn't want me here(I live in his house)he comes crying to me&begging me to let us work on the relationship when what he really means is I need to change&he never does ANYTHING to escalate the situation. Today I left the room to get away from him because I was tired of him yelling at me&he came upstairs&argued with me for 2 hours. I kept repeating "I don't want to fight." Then he'd say something to enrage me&it would start all over again. I know I should just give up&leave, but I'm disabled&in no state to go back to work&if I work I risk losing my disablity benefits that I fought 3years&$5000 for. No one will offer me a couch, my family doesn't care&no one will rent to me because I don't have a job. I vent at my shrink's office, but I never get any guidance on how to work through my anger&get all of this fighting to stop. I'm still angry&I don't know how not to keep from hating my bf for always attacking me about any&every thing.

Originally Posted by Sannah

Sky, are you able to talk about your anger?

[Sannah]

Sky I'm sorry that you couldn't express yourself as a child and I'm sorry that your bf triggers you into fighting. Please continue to come here so that you can find a little bit of peace..........

[phoenix7]

Hi Skymonk,

you say you vent at your shrinks office but they never give you any guidance - sometimes t's think that we are dealing with things by talking them out and dont realise that we need to go away with something concrete to help us deal with whats happening - this is going to sound dumb - but ask your T for some techniques to help you - let them know where you are with your anger and say what you are doing is not working and ask for techniques to help you - asking is hard when you have been taught not to - but you can do this - ask and see what happens. - take care P7